So one of the appointments I've had recently is visiting Eddie again and checking on the husks he takes care of. It's something that...well, I think it's important. I need to understand what Poe went through earlier. She refused to come along, of course. Too many bad memories. Anyway, an acquaintance was also in town, since she had some business with both Eddie and myself. I killed two birds with one stone by meeting up with her and both of us visiting Eddie.
I spoke with Eddie first. Talked to him earlier, so I just ran through the other questions I normally ask.
Messenger: So, Eddie, how long have you been...involved?
Eddie: In general, a year and a half. Here, thirteen months.
M: So you've been around a while, then.
E: Insanely long, considering what I do. Apparently we went through two Handlers that month before I started. [He grinned, though like everything he does, there was an uncomfortable intensity behind it, like he was putting too much effort into it] I must not be doing too bad, huh?
M: So how exactly did you get involved?
E: Kind of an unusual story, really. One of my best friends ended up on this side shortly after I got involved. We...stayed friends. Kept in contact. I heard plenty of horror stories from him about how conditions were, especially in regards to these people. Decided to join up for their sake. I just...I wasn't doing anything important otherwise.
M: Uh...sorry, that wasn't exactly what I was asking. I was asking how you got involved in general. That was my next question, though. But yeah, how did you...first get involved? Not with us, but with...Him.
E: Oh, sorry. That was...well, the same friend, actually. He heard about it somewhere on the internet. I don't remember where or when. But he told me about it. His obsession was annoying at first, and then kind of awkward or creepy before it turned into horrifying when it ended up being real.
M: So he got you dragged into this?
E: That's right.
M: Any resentment?
E: Not really. He didn't know it would happen. It's not like it was anything we had control over. That's why I chose this job. At least I had some sort of control over what was going on.
M: [I nodded] I think that's really all I wanted to ask. I got a lot of what I would have asked about last time I visited. [I turned, looking over at the husks. The acquaintance I had come with was sitting with them, distributing coloring books] Does that help them? Something like coloring?
E: I've actually tried in the past. Some it does. Most can't do more than scribble anyway. They tend to prefer notebooks quite a bit. No lines to get in the way. Some, though? Some like coloring. It helps. Means that they don't have to think. It's not an easy job. After all, even though they can all behave like a hivemind at times, they all have different needs. If you really want to help any of them, you need to find what their needs are. [He paused, giving a sigh] Caper was amazing at that. He'd pick up on small things that even I couldn't, using them and amplifying them to give them something they could use.
M: So he did something like that with Poe to bring her back, right?
E: Look, Messenger, there's something you need to understand. Caper never "brought Poe back." Poe and Annabel aren't really the same person. It'd be closer to say that Caper created Poe.
M: So what, Poe never existed before? He just made her up?
E: It's...not nearly that simple. Look, you played with Legos when you were a kid, right?
M: Yeah...?
E: And I know you've mentioned you have a little brother. Now, did you ever end up making something out of Legos that your brother destroyed, not realizing that you put a lot of effort into it? Or even end up dropping something yourself and having it shatter apart on you?
M: Yeah, it happened a few times. What are you getting at, Eddie?
E: Think of a person as...as a Lego model, I guess. Whenever they end up like this, they break. Destroyed. The pieces are all there, but they're scattered. They're not whole anymore. Now whenever one of those models that you worked so hard on broke, you tried to put it back together, didn't you?
M: Of course.
E: Right. But if it was a more complex model, and if you didn't have instructions for it, even if you made it yourself, there was a chance you couldn't get it back to how it was. Am I right?
M: I think I'm starting to see what you're getting at.
E: Caper is...trying to put these people back together. Annabel was a particular model. She got broken, and Caper tried to build something similar out of the pieces. Similar. Not the same.
M: So...is it still possible for Poe to become Annabel again?
E: Messenger, listen, I'm not sure that's a good idea. Even if something happens to someone like Poe, even if she can recover from being broken...well, I've heard of it happening once or twice, but Poe's the only one I've actually seen it happen to. And even then, it's not as simple as putting the right pieces in the right places. Some pieces don't fit and end up discarded. Sometimes new pieces get added on. I'm not sure she ever can be Annabel again. Look, I might be wrong. Annabel might still be in there somewhere, but if it's possible to pull her back to her old self, it's only barely.
M: [I nodded] So...is it dangerous?
E: I have no clue how I've lasted three months already, especially working alone. I've almost been killed at least once a week by this point. I guess I'm just lucky. [He grinned again, with that overintensity that made it a bit uncomfortable]. You could try your best with whatever you have on you to kill me, and you wouldn't be able to. I've relearned all those self-defense classes I took when I was younger pretty quickly. I'd have you disarmed and flat on your back before you knew what hit you.
M: I...will keep that in mind. Well, uh...thanks, Eddie. For answering these questions.
After that, I spent some time with the husks. I didn't say much. Just sat with them. Watched. Tried to picture Poe with them. What did she go through during that time? How hard was it for her to recover from it? And what about Caper? How did he learn how to connect with these people? I just sat and watched for a while while my acquaintance met with Eddie.
I'm going to have to go back there at some point. I owe that much to Poe. It's the least I can do to try to understand.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Interview with Muad'Dib
Just for the record, I feel like such a tool just writing that name. Why the hell does anyone need an apostrophe in the middle of their name?
Anyway, I stopped by Muad'Dib (that's Glasses) and Zombie's (and that's Ginger's "name," apparently--what the hell is with these kids?) apartment. Knocked on the door, Muad'Dib answered.
The guy's about...well, I'm not sure how old he is, exactly. Younger than me. 25 would be a generous estimation. At the very least, he's young enough that I'm not exactly comfortable with him flying Poe around. I don't see how she can entrust her life with someone so young. Anyway, he wears glasses (although I assumed you knew that, considering that I didn't exactly nickname him "Contacts"), is relatively short, and a bit on the pudgy side. Nothing particularly remarkable about him, appearance-wise. Must not be one of the types who dresses as a mask like Poe and Nee-chan do.
M: ...Do you see a video camera, kid?
D: Well...no. But it could be hidden or something.
[I quickly realized that I was not looking forward to this one.]
M: It's just...it's an audio recording. I'm going to be posting it to my blog. Does that make sense?
D: Oh. Ok. Kind of sucks it won't be on TV, though.
M: [I ignore that last idiotic statement] So, I guess I'll start with what exactly it is you do for The Boss. You're a pilot, right?
M: What do you pilot, exactly?
D: A submarine. I pilot a plane, you idiot.
M: I had assumed that much. I wanted something a bit more specific. Layman's terms, please.
D: Oh, okay. Yeah, I've got this nice plane. Small thing. Only fits three or four passengers but it gets the job done.
M: Okay, makes sense, but...the numb?
D: [He gives me a glare like I'm an idiot] Yeah. The numb. You know, the guys who have oatmeal instead of brains?
M: ...right. Them. I guess I've just never heard that term before.
D: Just wait. It'll catch on.
M: Okay, then...um...next question, I guess. How long have you been working for The Boss?
D: Um... a year and a half I think? I don't know. It all blurs after the first couple months or so.
D: Well.... there was this girl named Emily. She was... well, you know those cute geeky girls? The ones that are really shy but smart and just.... [He trails off, zoning out. Lost in thought, probably?]
D: Oh. Well, she linked me to Marble Hornets one day. This was at like the very beginning mind you. And she seemed to like it, so I got really into it. Started obsessing and stuff. Then strange stuff started happening, yada yada. Then the boss showed up and I'm all 'this is fricken badass. Wait till I tell Emily. [He pauses, suddenly losing his previous excitement.] Except... well, I never saw her again. [A sigh] Shame. She dug the bad guys.
M: Okay...um...and how'd you end up working for The Boss? Like, were you a runner beforehand, what made you decide to come work for him, et cetera?
D: I didn't really try running. I would have sucked at it I think. The minute I realized it was all real I packed up my shit and asked to come along. I mean a real world villain, how cool is that?
M: You...like being the villain?
D: Well yeah. Chicks love villains. [Something about this guy's logic and perception of fiction vs. reality makes me think that he and Nee-chan would be good for each other. And absolutely terrible for everyone else.]
D: Aren't we?
D; [To my relief, the look on his face was pure shock. Let me know he wasn't completely insane.] What? No! I just fly the planes. I mean, there was this time that I was just a copilot and one of the numb had a violent episode and stabbed the guy flying, but that's the closest to death I've gotten.
D: Flying planes?
M: No, death. Watching someone kill a guy. To be honest, I've never seen it yet firsthand.
M: Yeah. I shit my pants. And then I had to keep us all crashing while there was a dead guy and a crazy guy with a knife in the cockpit. Worst moment of my life, actually.
M: I can imagine. So, uh...what's with the name? Why'd you choose it?
D: What's with the name? What's with the name? It's Dune, dude. You've got to have read Dune.
M: I'm sorry, I guess I...I've never really heard of it.
D: Dude. I can't talk to you anymore.
M: I mean, I think I've maybe heard of it, but don't know much about it.
D: That's just... it's Dune.
M: Okay, okay, I get it. You're named after a guy in Dune. But still, doesn't explain the reasoning behind it. Any particular reason for choosing the name?
D: ...It's badass? He's Badass. Muad'Dib, I mean. He's just... I just liked him. Does it have to have a deep meaning?
M: Well, apparently not. Um...let's see. Anything else you'd like to share?
D: I like Dr. Pepper. And Popcorn. And David Bowie totally sucked in Labyrinth I don't care what people say. ...I think that's it.
M: Any regrets? Anything more relevant you'd like to share?
D: [He thinks for a bit] Not asking Emily out. Telling my parents I hated them before I ran off. Never...you know what, you don't have to know that one.
M: Fair enough. There's things I'm not about to share with you, either. Well, thanks for your time, um...
D: Muad'Dib. Seriously, man, it's not that hard to remember. And sure. Call me anytime, dude.
M: Muad'Dib, right. I'll...be sure to call. [I won't.]
D: Yep, later.
So that's Muad'Dib. Told him I'd have to visit back at some point to visit Zombie. He doesn't think Zombie'd be up for an interview, but I'm still gonna try.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
Anyway, I stopped by Muad'Dib (that's Glasses) and Zombie's (and that's Ginger's "name," apparently--what the hell is with these kids?) apartment. Knocked on the door, Muad'Dib answered.
The guy's about...well, I'm not sure how old he is, exactly. Younger than me. 25 would be a generous estimation. At the very least, he's young enough that I'm not exactly comfortable with him flying Poe around. I don't see how she can entrust her life with someone so young. Anyway, he wears glasses (although I assumed you knew that, considering that I didn't exactly nickname him "Contacts"), is relatively short, and a bit on the pudgy side. Nothing particularly remarkable about him, appearance-wise. Must not be one of the types who dresses as a mask like Poe and Nee-chan do.
Messenger (M): So, hey, um... we kind of know each other. Work together, and I was wondering...sorry, what's the name again?
Muad'Dib (D): Muad'Dib. Mu-Ah-Deeb. How can you forget that?
M: [I declined to answer, because I felt he probably wouldn't take kindly to "because it's fucking retarded."] Right. And how do you spell that?
D: M-u-a-d-apostrophething-d-i-b
M: You...spell your name with an apostrophe?
D: Yeah, all the cool kids are doing it.
M: Um...okay, then. Uh...I'm over here because I was wondering if you'd be up for...a sort of interview, I guess. It's a thing I kind of do.
M: Um...okay, then. Uh...I'm over here because I was wondering if you'd be up for...a sort of interview, I guess. It's a thing I kind of do.
D: Hell yeah. Is it going to be on TV?
M: ...Do you see a video camera, kid?
D: Well...no. But it could be hidden or something.
[I quickly realized that I was not looking forward to this one.]
M: It's just...it's an audio recording. I'm going to be posting it to my blog. Does that make sense?
D: Oh. Ok. Kind of sucks it won't be on TV, though.
M: [I ignore that last idiotic statement] So, I guess I'll start with what exactly it is you do for The Boss. You're a pilot, right?
D: Yep! A badass pilot, thank you very much.
M: What do you pilot, exactly?
D: A submarine. I pilot a plane, you idiot.
M: I had assumed that much. I wanted something a bit more specific. Layman's terms, please.
D: Oh, okay. Yeah, I've got this nice plane. Small thing. Only fits three or four passengers but it gets the job done.
M: Okay, then. And that helps us how exactly? [Of course, I've mentioned before that I guess I don't see how I help our cause either.]
D: Do you expect the numb to teleport? Or navigate airports? They've got to get around somehow. And sometimes, a plane is just more convenient than anything else. Not many of us have cars. I mean, you don't do you?
M: Okay, makes sense, but...the numb?
D: [He gives me a glare like I'm an idiot] Yeah. The numb. You know, the guys who have oatmeal instead of brains?
M: ...right. Them. I guess I've just never heard that term before.
D: Just wait. It'll catch on.
M: Okay, then...um...next question, I guess. How long have you been working for The Boss?
D: Um... a year and a half I think? I don't know. It all blurs after the first couple months or so.
M: Okay, and what's your story? How'd you get involved in all this?
D: Well.... there was this girl named Emily. She was... well, you know those cute geeky girls? The ones that are really shy but smart and just.... [He trails off, zoning out. Lost in thought, probably?]
M: ...Go on?
D: Oh. Well, she linked me to Marble Hornets one day. This was at like the very beginning mind you. And she seemed to like it, so I got really into it. Started obsessing and stuff. Then strange stuff started happening, yada yada. Then the boss showed up and I'm all 'this is fricken badass. Wait till I tell Emily. [He pauses, suddenly losing his previous excitement.] Except... well, I never saw her again. [A sigh] Shame. She dug the bad guys.
M: Okay...um...and how'd you end up working for The Boss? Like, were you a runner beforehand, what made you decide to come work for him, et cetera?
D: I didn't really try running. I would have sucked at it I think. The minute I realized it was all real I packed up my shit and asked to come along. I mean a real world villain, how cool is that?
M: You...like being the villain?
D: Well yeah. Chicks love villains. [Something about this guy's logic and perception of fiction vs. reality makes me think that he and Nee-chan would be good for each other. And absolutely terrible for everyone else.]
M: So you think of us as the bad guys.
D: Aren't we?
M: I...I dunno. I guess it's just hard for me to tell at times. So, uh, kid, have you ever killed anyone? Or do you escape most of the dirty work, flying around like you do?
D; [To my relief, the look on his face was pure shock. Let me know he wasn't completely insane.] What? No! I just fly the planes. I mean, there was this time that I was just a copilot and one of the numb had a violent episode and stabbed the guy flying, but that's the closest to death I've gotten.
M: It tough?
D: Flying planes?
M: No, death. Watching someone kill a guy. To be honest, I've never seen it yet firsthand.
M: Yeah. I shit my pants. And then I had to keep us all crashing while there was a dead guy and a crazy guy with a knife in the cockpit. Worst moment of my life, actually.
M: I can imagine. So, uh...what's with the name? Why'd you choose it?
D: What's with the name? What's with the name? It's Dune, dude. You've got to have read Dune.
M: I'm sorry, I guess I...I've never really heard of it.
D: Dude. I can't talk to you anymore.
M: I mean, I think I've maybe heard of it, but don't know much about it.
D: That's just... it's Dune.
M: Okay, okay, I get it. You're named after a guy in Dune. But still, doesn't explain the reasoning behind it. Any particular reason for choosing the name?
D: ...It's badass? He's Badass. Muad'Dib, I mean. He's just... I just liked him. Does it have to have a deep meaning?
M: Well, apparently not. Um...let's see. Anything else you'd like to share?
D: I like Dr. Pepper. And Popcorn. And David Bowie totally sucked in Labyrinth I don't care what people say. ...I think that's it.
M: Any regrets? Anything more relevant you'd like to share?
D: [He thinks for a bit] Not asking Emily out. Telling my parents I hated them before I ran off. Never...you know what, you don't have to know that one.
M: Fair enough. There's things I'm not about to share with you, either. Well, thanks for your time, um...
D: Muad'Dib. Seriously, man, it's not that hard to remember. And sure. Call me anytime, dude.
M: Muad'Dib, right. I'll...be sure to call. [I won't.]
D: Yep, later.
So that's Muad'Dib. Told him I'd have to visit back at some point to visit Zombie. He doesn't think Zombie'd be up for an interview, but I'm still gonna try.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Business
I updated that post about the dead people (I'm not going to link it, it's right on the blog, first post of the year) and the list the other day, even if I only got around to mentioning it now. Irritating, as always, especially because the idiots who feed me information haven't been feeding me enough (and sometimes the info is even flat-out wrong). So please, if any of you have, you know, first-hand information or can correctly identify a dead body so that the more incompetent of the Trackers in the field don't feed me bad or incomplete information, be my guest.
And if you even think of dropping off the radar by having one of your friends say "Oh, yeah, I identified the body, he/she's dead," then keep in mind that I'm in close contact with at least one dedicated Tracker and one dedicated Hunter, and so help me, if you feed me bad information, I will do everything within my power to make sure you start move straight up to the top of their lists.
Anyway, that's taken care of. On to a few future matters of business.
I got in touch with...that one kid, whatever his name was. Glasses. I'm going to be doing an interview with him soon. In addition, I have a few people I met with/will meet with, whose identities and times of meeting are temporarily being withheld and are, ultimately, unimportant. It's just business, and it's probably not even going to be worth mentioning. However, I do plan on meeting with Eddie again soon.
And on the non-business front, Screwtape is...not doing anything. I'm not even joking. Basically, he says he hasn't changed his methods before, and he's not going to suddenly do it now. I talked to Eternity about the situation, and he laughed me off with a "Honestly, Alan, what makes you think it even matters to me?" And then he said something about all three of us being replaceable. So I guess it's back to the drawing board. I know I've got the support of most of you, but obviously, I'm not going to be able to say anything about any of my plans.
So that's what you've got to look forward to: an interview with the Glasses guy (and maybe Ginger if he's around), and a meeting with Eddie and the husks.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
And if you even think of dropping off the radar by having one of your friends say "Oh, yeah, I identified the body, he/she's dead," then keep in mind that I'm in close contact with at least one dedicated Tracker and one dedicated Hunter, and so help me, if you feed me bad information, I will do everything within my power to make sure you start move straight up to the top of their lists.
Anyway, that's taken care of. On to a few future matters of business.
I got in touch with...that one kid, whatever his name was. Glasses. I'm going to be doing an interview with him soon. In addition, I have a few people I met with/will meet with, whose identities and times of meeting are temporarily being withheld and are, ultimately, unimportant. It's just business, and it's probably not even going to be worth mentioning. However, I do plan on meeting with Eddie again soon.
And on the non-business front, Screwtape is...not doing anything. I'm not even joking. Basically, he says he hasn't changed his methods before, and he's not going to suddenly do it now. I talked to Eternity about the situation, and he laughed me off with a "Honestly, Alan, what makes you think it even matters to me?" And then he said something about all three of us being replaceable. So I guess it's back to the drawing board. I know I've got the support of most of you, but obviously, I'm not going to be able to say anything about any of my plans.
So that's what you've got to look forward to: an interview with the Glasses guy (and maybe Ginger if he's around), and a meeting with Eddie and the husks.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
Monday, January 16, 2012
Food For Thought
I've been thinking about a few things lately. Also drinking just a little bit. Looking at this game of cat and mouse we've been playing and the notions we have of who the "good guys" and the "bad guys" are. I want to ask a few questions.
Let's take a "runner" that a lot of people are familiar with. Elaine, how about. She's pretty popular these days. Could be anyone, really. Elaine's who we're using, but feel free to substitute it with any other "runner's" name. It could even be your own, if that didn't automatically mean you'd have a biased opinion in the matter. Just has to be someone who's not a complete pacifist, and who would kill if it became necessary.
Let's take someone like me, who works for The Boss for the sake of protection for themselves and their brother. Again, could be anyone. Just a "proxy" who works for The Boss willingly, but for good reasons.
Let's take someone like Poe, who really had no choice in the matter and is afraid for their life, yet actively pursues "runners." It's their job, and they have to do it, no questions asked.
Let's take someone like Nee-chan, who clearly has some preexisting issues, like an inferiority complex and what's probably some sort of stunted growth of moral comprehension. Someone who hunts down people and enjoys it, but who really doesn't quite understand the implications or repercussions of what they're doing, just because they're not quite there.
None of us have any sort of particular grudge against each other. In fact, there might even be some respect, or even affection, returned or unreturned. Sound neutral enough? In the end it doesn't matter, because we're all just examples to set up a scenario.
And now let's ask ourselves a few questions. Let's look at these six questions and give them a complete lack of context other than "they were in the same room together and they were on different sides." All we know is that the two of them were in a room, and only one of them ever left. Don't start setting up different scenarios, just give me your first reaction. On second thought, maybe give me the first scenario your mind assumes, too. After all, we don't know what happened. Do you just assume that the victor acted in self-defense? Do you try justifying their actions? Or do you instantly condemn them as the instigator?
How would you react if I killed Elaine?
How would you react if Elaine killed me?
How would you react if Poe killed Elaine?
How would you react if Elaine killed Poe?
How would you react if Nee-chan killed Elaine?
How would you react if Elaine killed Nee-chan?
Food for thought.
Let's take a "runner" that a lot of people are familiar with. Elaine, how about. She's pretty popular these days. Could be anyone, really. Elaine's who we're using, but feel free to substitute it with any other "runner's" name. It could even be your own, if that didn't automatically mean you'd have a biased opinion in the matter. Just has to be someone who's not a complete pacifist, and who would kill if it became necessary.
Let's take someone like me, who works for The Boss for the sake of protection for themselves and their brother. Again, could be anyone. Just a "proxy" who works for The Boss willingly, but for good reasons.
Let's take someone like Poe, who really had no choice in the matter and is afraid for their life, yet actively pursues "runners." It's their job, and they have to do it, no questions asked.
Let's take someone like Nee-chan, who clearly has some preexisting issues, like an inferiority complex and what's probably some sort of stunted growth of moral comprehension. Someone who hunts down people and enjoys it, but who really doesn't quite understand the implications or repercussions of what they're doing, just because they're not quite there.
None of us have any sort of particular grudge against each other. In fact, there might even be some respect, or even affection, returned or unreturned. Sound neutral enough? In the end it doesn't matter, because we're all just examples to set up a scenario.
And now let's ask ourselves a few questions. Let's look at these six questions and give them a complete lack of context other than "they were in the same room together and they were on different sides." All we know is that the two of them were in a room, and only one of them ever left. Don't start setting up different scenarios, just give me your first reaction. On second thought, maybe give me the first scenario your mind assumes, too. After all, we don't know what happened. Do you just assume that the victor acted in self-defense? Do you try justifying their actions? Or do you instantly condemn them as the instigator?
How would you react if I killed Elaine?
How would you react if Elaine killed me?
How would you react if Poe killed Elaine?
How would you react if Elaine killed Poe?
How would you react if Nee-chan killed Elaine?
How would you react if Elaine killed Nee-chan?
Food for thought.
Monday, January 9, 2012
New Year
Okay, I've gotten Poe's permission to post this. It may as well come out now. This is how we spent New Year's Eve.
[We're sitting on the couch, watching some TV (more looking at it than watching it, actually--I don't even remember what was on). Not really saying anything. We've got beer. Not much. Neither of us are particularly big drinkers, but you guys know that already. This is a bit of a special occasion, though. After all, the last time we were drinking together, we were trying to forget shitty things, too.]
Messenger: So...another year gone, huh?
Poe: ...Yeah.
M: [chuckling slightly] Kyle would always say...well, he always insisted on emphasizing the new year instead of the old. Fresh beginnings and all that. But I guess we don't really have much to look forward to, do we?
P: [shrugs] I guess there's really not much behind us, either.
M: Yeah. Might be almost tolerable if there were something worth it in the present, though. But it's a shitty present, too. [pause] So...yeah. [pause] Goodbye, 2011.
P: Goodbye.
[we sit in silence for a bit, taking an occasional sip on occasion]
M: So, um...listen, Poe...look, I know you don't want to talk about this, but...this thing with Screwtape....
P: [looking down] It's nothing.
M: Poe, those bruises...they're not nothing. Look, I'm really sorry I saw that. I never meant to walk in on you like that. But I did see them, and I know they got there somehow.
P: You really shouldn't worry about it, Messi.
M: Well it's a little fucking late for that now, isn't it, now that we're in a sort of Mexican standoff with Screwtape over this whole thing.
P: Well, perhaps if you'd just forget about it....
M: [deep breath] Look, Poe...you're the only friend I really have right now. And this is...this is something I can't just forget about. It's only hurting you more to ignore this.
P: Not everyone has it as easy as you, Messi. This isn't the worst thing that could happen to me.
M: Yeah, but...look, Poe, that's not the point! You don't deserve this.
P: That's not the point either.
M: What is the point, then?
P: That some things are what they are.
M: They are what they are, huh? I don't even know what they are, because you won't fucking tell me. What's he doing to you, Poe?
[silence]
P: Nothing huge. Just a smack or two. When we can't find someone. A belt if I make a mistake.
M: ...the fuck? Nothing huge? You're just...Poe, that's abuse! That's illegal!
P: Messi, what do you expect me to do? He says that he believes the only reason I'm...allowed to have thoughts of my own is because, um, You Know Who doesn't know about me yet.
M: [I stumble over my words a few times] And you just...go along with that?
P: If I don't, he'll find some way to let him know. I'm not going back to that, Messi. I can't.
M: What, and Screwtape's absolutely right about this? You know for sure that this crazy theory of his is right? Poe, you know that he thinks that The Boss is picking us as some sort of "chosen" to remake the world in his image after he "purges" it, right?
P: How do you know he's wrong? What if he's not?
M: So...you can't risk it. You won't risk...going back to Eddie. [she nods] Look, Poe, it's not that I don't understand that, it's just that...I can't let him do this to you.
P: I can't go back there, Messi.
M: You...you won't. We'll find another way. Some other way to get him to stop.
P: [I could swear the corners of her mouth tug up for a split second] Thank you.
[silence]
M: So this is why you haven't been updating your blog or posting around, isn't it?
P: Yeah...yeah it is.
M: He punishes you for that, too? [she nods. silence] So...does Eternity know about this?
P: I don't know. Apart from that Thanksgiving, I've never seen him. Probably.
M: And does, um...does any of this have to do with that, um...that thing with Donovan?
P: I don't know. Probably.
M: Does Screwtape know about that? [she nods] How did he find out?
P: He's smarter than you give him credit for. You have to be good at reading subtle things like that to be a Tracker.
M: Is it...just the beatings, then? I mean, he...doesn't do anything else, does he?
P: What do you mean?
M: Never mind. It's...never mind.
P: No. Please. Messi, what do you mean?
M: Well, it's just...there are, you know...forms of abuse other than physical. And other forms of physical abuse.
P: Are...are you asking what I think you're asking?
M: Um...yes? And no. Probably. But I'm asking about more than just that, too.
P: [she covers her mouth, stifling a laugh] No, Messi. Nothing...nothing worth mentioning.
M: Okay...okay, good. Sorry. Um...that's good. [pause] So...do you have any ideas on how we can, you know...stop this? [she shakes her head] Well...tell you what. We'll figure something out. New Year's resolution, right there, huh? How's that sound? [extending my bottle]
P: [extending her bottle to tap it against mine, allowing herself a smile] Sounds like a plan.
[we drink, then fall silent for a while, watching the TV again]
M: Poe? Can I ask you a question?
P: I...I guess?
M: Why did you, you know..."let Donovan go," as you put it?
P: I...I don't really know. I just...I liked him. I didn't want to see him die.
M: Even though you knew that if Screwtape found out, he'd...?
P: Well...yeah.
M: He...he used to mean a lot to you, didn't he?
[there's a pause before she nods]
M: ...He still does, doesn't he?
P: [a long pause] I...I don't know.
[there's another long silence]
M: ...Do I?
[understandably, another long silence]
P: Yes.
[I don't really remember how exactly I reacted, but there's another pause. I think I probably drank some more. Or maybe a lot more.]
M: I'm sorry I haven't been there for you recently. That I've been so withdrawn lately.
P: I...it's okay.
M: No, it's not. I was stupid and should have picked up on clues I didn't. I ran my mouth without thinking. I feel like this is all partially my fault. Like I could have stopped it if I had just, you know, been there for you more.
P: You couldn't have.
M: Well yeah, but, but I mean, maybe I would have figured it out sooner, and...I'm sorry.
P: It's okay, Messi.
M: [trying to smile] I guess...I guess I just don't want to lose you. You, uh...you mean a lot to me. I worry about you. I mean, I've lost Hyde and Caper and...I don't think I could stand losing you. I think it'd be harder.
P: I...uh...thank you.
[She pauses, then leans forward and wraps her arms around me, pressing her cheek against my chest. I'm caught off guard, but slip my arms out of her embrace after a second and put them around her. And then we just...sit like that for a bit.]
M: Hey, Poe?
P: Yeah?
M: ...What time is it?
P: Uh...11:56
M: They're probably pretty antsy over in Time Square, huh? I, um...look, I'm sorry if I've said anything that's upset you.
P: I...no. No, Messi, you didn't say anything to upset me.
M: Good, good. I'm...heh. I'm not really too good with people.
P: That's okay. I am. It isn't any fun.
M: Uh, Poe?
P: Yeah?
[A pause. I lean forward and, uh...our lips meet for a few seconds. She smiles again. That real smile that I see so rarely.]
P: Um...h-happy new year, Messi.
M: Yeah. Happy new year. ...You know, I think that's the second time I've seen you smile like that. [she blushes] It's a shame you've been drunk both times.
P: I'm not drunk!
M: You've been drinking, though. You're at least a little tipsy.
P: I'm...[blushes slightly, then kisses me again] Well, I'm at least a little sleepy, I guess.
M: That...I'm going to assume that was the alcohol speaking there.
P: [laughs] It's okay.
M: I bet you're not even going to remember this in the morning.
P: I will too!
M: [I look at her] It's...almost strange seeing you like this. You know, so happy. It's like you're an entirely different person. Is...is this what you were like as Annabel?
P: [her face falls a bit and she looks down] I...I don't know. I don't really remember.
M: ...Right, I'm, uh, I'm sorry for bringing that up. Shouldn't have done that.
P: Maybe...maybe we should get to bed soon.
M: Yeah. That'd probably be a good idea. Uh, goodnight, I guess. And, um...happy new year, Poe.
P: [she gives a hesitant, slightly embarrassed smile] Happy new year, Messi.
Screwtape, I know you're reading this. I'm hoping we can settle this as calmly as possible. If not, well, I know you're a man of integrity, if nothing else. I trust that we can find the best way to settle this.
How would the meme-obsessed people say this again? Oh yeah.
Come at me, bro.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
[We're sitting on the couch, watching some TV (more looking at it than watching it, actually--I don't even remember what was on). Not really saying anything. We've got beer. Not much. Neither of us are particularly big drinkers, but you guys know that already. This is a bit of a special occasion, though. After all, the last time we were drinking together, we were trying to forget shitty things, too.]
Messenger: So...another year gone, huh?
Poe: ...Yeah.
M: [chuckling slightly] Kyle would always say...well, he always insisted on emphasizing the new year instead of the old. Fresh beginnings and all that. But I guess we don't really have much to look forward to, do we?
P: [shrugs] I guess there's really not much behind us, either.
M: Yeah. Might be almost tolerable if there were something worth it in the present, though. But it's a shitty present, too. [pause] So...yeah. [pause] Goodbye, 2011.
P: Goodbye.
[we sit in silence for a bit, taking an occasional sip on occasion]
M: So, um...listen, Poe...look, I know you don't want to talk about this, but...this thing with Screwtape....
P: [looking down] It's nothing.
M: Poe, those bruises...they're not nothing. Look, I'm really sorry I saw that. I never meant to walk in on you like that. But I did see them, and I know they got there somehow.
P: You really shouldn't worry about it, Messi.
M: Well it's a little fucking late for that now, isn't it, now that we're in a sort of Mexican standoff with Screwtape over this whole thing.
P: Well, perhaps if you'd just forget about it....
M: [deep breath] Look, Poe...you're the only friend I really have right now. And this is...this is something I can't just forget about. It's only hurting you more to ignore this.
P: Not everyone has it as easy as you, Messi. This isn't the worst thing that could happen to me.
M: Yeah, but...look, Poe, that's not the point! You don't deserve this.
P: That's not the point either.
M: What is the point, then?
P: That some things are what they are.
M: They are what they are, huh? I don't even know what they are, because you won't fucking tell me. What's he doing to you, Poe?
[silence]
P: Nothing huge. Just a smack or two. When we can't find someone. A belt if I make a mistake.
M: ...the fuck? Nothing huge? You're just...Poe, that's abuse! That's illegal!
P: Messi, what do you expect me to do? He says that he believes the only reason I'm...allowed to have thoughts of my own is because, um, You Know Who doesn't know about me yet.
M: [I stumble over my words a few times] And you just...go along with that?
P: If I don't, he'll find some way to let him know. I'm not going back to that, Messi. I can't.
M: What, and Screwtape's absolutely right about this? You know for sure that this crazy theory of his is right? Poe, you know that he thinks that The Boss is picking us as some sort of "chosen" to remake the world in his image after he "purges" it, right?
P: How do you know he's wrong? What if he's not?
M: So...you can't risk it. You won't risk...going back to Eddie. [she nods] Look, Poe, it's not that I don't understand that, it's just that...I can't let him do this to you.
P: I can't go back there, Messi.
M: You...you won't. We'll find another way. Some other way to get him to stop.
P: [I could swear the corners of her mouth tug up for a split second] Thank you.
[silence]
M: So this is why you haven't been updating your blog or posting around, isn't it?
P: Yeah...yeah it is.
M: He punishes you for that, too? [she nods. silence] So...does Eternity know about this?
P: I don't know. Apart from that Thanksgiving, I've never seen him. Probably.
M: And does, um...does any of this have to do with that, um...that thing with Donovan?
P: I don't know. Probably.
M: Does Screwtape know about that? [she nods] How did he find out?
P: He's smarter than you give him credit for. You have to be good at reading subtle things like that to be a Tracker.
M: Is it...just the beatings, then? I mean, he...doesn't do anything else, does he?
P: What do you mean?
M: Never mind. It's...never mind.
P: No. Please. Messi, what do you mean?
M: Well, it's just...there are, you know...forms of abuse other than physical. And other forms of physical abuse.
P: Are...are you asking what I think you're asking?
M: Um...yes? And no. Probably. But I'm asking about more than just that, too.
P: [she covers her mouth, stifling a laugh] No, Messi. Nothing...nothing worth mentioning.
M: Okay...okay, good. Sorry. Um...that's good. [pause] So...do you have any ideas on how we can, you know...stop this? [she shakes her head] Well...tell you what. We'll figure something out. New Year's resolution, right there, huh? How's that sound? [extending my bottle]
P: [extending her bottle to tap it against mine, allowing herself a smile] Sounds like a plan.
[we drink, then fall silent for a while, watching the TV again]
M: Poe? Can I ask you a question?
P: I...I guess?
M: Why did you, you know..."let Donovan go," as you put it?
P: I...I don't really know. I just...I liked him. I didn't want to see him die.
M: Even though you knew that if Screwtape found out, he'd...?
P: Well...yeah.
M: He...he used to mean a lot to you, didn't he?
[there's a pause before she nods]
M: ...He still does, doesn't he?
P: [a long pause] I...I don't know.
[there's another long silence]
M: ...Do I?
[understandably, another long silence]
P: Yes.
[I don't really remember how exactly I reacted, but there's another pause. I think I probably drank some more. Or maybe a lot more.]
M: I'm sorry I haven't been there for you recently. That I've been so withdrawn lately.
P: I...it's okay.
M: No, it's not. I was stupid and should have picked up on clues I didn't. I ran my mouth without thinking. I feel like this is all partially my fault. Like I could have stopped it if I had just, you know, been there for you more.
P: You couldn't have.
M: Well yeah, but, but I mean, maybe I would have figured it out sooner, and...I'm sorry.
P: It's okay, Messi.
M: [trying to smile] I guess...I guess I just don't want to lose you. You, uh...you mean a lot to me. I worry about you. I mean, I've lost Hyde and Caper and...I don't think I could stand losing you. I think it'd be harder.
P: I...uh...thank you.
[She pauses, then leans forward and wraps her arms around me, pressing her cheek against my chest. I'm caught off guard, but slip my arms out of her embrace after a second and put them around her. And then we just...sit like that for a bit.]
M: Hey, Poe?
P: Yeah?
M: ...What time is it?
P: Uh...11:56
M: They're probably pretty antsy over in Time Square, huh? I, um...look, I'm sorry if I've said anything that's upset you.
P: I...no. No, Messi, you didn't say anything to upset me.
M: Good, good. I'm...heh. I'm not really too good with people.
P: That's okay. I am. It isn't any fun.
M: Uh, Poe?
P: Yeah?
[A pause. I lean forward and, uh...our lips meet for a few seconds. She smiles again. That real smile that I see so rarely.]
P: Um...h-happy new year, Messi.
M: Yeah. Happy new year. ...You know, I think that's the second time I've seen you smile like that. [she blushes] It's a shame you've been drunk both times.
P: I'm not drunk!
M: You've been drinking, though. You're at least a little tipsy.
P: I'm...[blushes slightly, then kisses me again] Well, I'm at least a little sleepy, I guess.
M: That...I'm going to assume that was the alcohol speaking there.
P: [laughs] It's okay.
M: I bet you're not even going to remember this in the morning.
P: I will too!
M: [I look at her] It's...almost strange seeing you like this. You know, so happy. It's like you're an entirely different person. Is...is this what you were like as Annabel?
P: [her face falls a bit and she looks down] I...I don't know. I don't really remember.
M: ...Right, I'm, uh, I'm sorry for bringing that up. Shouldn't have done that.
P: Maybe...maybe we should get to bed soon.
M: Yeah. That'd probably be a good idea. Uh, goodnight, I guess. And, um...happy new year, Poe.
P: [she gives a hesitant, slightly embarrassed smile] Happy new year, Messi.
Screwtape, I know you're reading this. I'm hoping we can settle this as calmly as possible. If not, well, I know you're a man of integrity, if nothing else. I trust that we can find the best way to settle this.
How would the meme-obsessed people say this again? Oh yeah.
Come at me, bro.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
Monday, January 2, 2012
Lots of Dead People
Happy New Year. Let's celebrate by talking about some people who died near the end of last year.
Okay, we're gonna do these all at once, considering that there's a lot of them. Most of them either have someone else to end or continue their blog, so most didn't go up as reports, but here's what we've got.
Maduin the Jester: We're pretty sure he's dead, but as no one in Poland is connected to us, we haven't been able to get them to cooperate and send a report. What's already been posted by Sopia on his own blog is about all we're getting. Maduin seemed like a pretty cool guy. Had a strange sense of humor. I guess he was a big deal or something.
Lucas and Joel: They seemed like pretty cool people, really. At least they understood that the side you're on has no relationship to your morality. Some chick (or dude, maybe? I'm not really sure) called Ember Fay provided a pretty good report of what happened.
Michael or Nemo or whoever he is: Died at Hope or something. I think. I didn't keep very good notes, just wrote down the name. Never even really knew the guy. I should...look into that more. Write a report or something maybe.
UPDATE: Turns out I was wrong. Got the note in the "Confirmed Dead" file instead of the "Believed Dead" one. We've got no confirmation on this.
Ava: Yeah, this is a blast from the past, isn't it? Well, we kept tabs on her, even after she decided that she was going to not say anything to any of you anymore, and now that she's dead, we don't have to anymore! Always nice to see some closure. Frankly, I thought she was a bit of an arrogant bitch, but I guess she was pretty important to some of you guys.
Konaa: Can't be completely sure yet, but I think he's probably dead. Or was dead. And then he undied (I fucking hate it when they do that), just so he could die again on the Solstice. Showoff. Anyway, he seemed pretty cool. Didn't know him too well. Mostly just remember him as the guy who stabbed Nee-chan, which I really can't object to, considering that it was in self defense. Gotta give him props for that, actually, after having seen those videos of her in action.
UPDATE: Nope, sorry. Apparently he survived his near-death experience. Konaa's still alive.
Beast: There's a report coming for him. Eventually. Curious fellow, really.
UPDATE: Here's the report.
Anyway, I think that's everyone. I'll get them added to the List. I've got...another post to go up soon, but I need to get my head back on straight before I can write it up. But soon.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
Okay, we're gonna do these all at once, considering that there's a lot of them. Most of them either have someone else to end or continue their blog, so most didn't go up as reports, but here's what we've got.
Maduin the Jester: We're pretty sure he's dead, but as no one in Poland is connected to us, we haven't been able to get them to cooperate and send a report. What's already been posted by Sopia on his own blog is about all we're getting. Maduin seemed like a pretty cool guy. Had a strange sense of humor. I guess he was a big deal or something.
Lucas and Joel: They seemed like pretty cool people, really. At least they understood that the side you're on has no relationship to your morality. Some chick (or dude, maybe? I'm not really sure) called Ember Fay provided a pretty good report of what happened.
Michael or Nemo or whoever he is: Died at Hope or something. I think. I didn't keep very good notes, just wrote down the name. Never even really knew the guy. I should...look into that more. Write a report or something maybe.
UPDATE: Turns out I was wrong. Got the note in the "Confirmed Dead" file instead of the "Believed Dead" one. We've got no confirmation on this.
Ava: Yeah, this is a blast from the past, isn't it? Well, we kept tabs on her, even after she decided that she was going to not say anything to any of you anymore, and now that she's dead, we don't have to anymore! Always nice to see some closure. Frankly, I thought she was a bit of an arrogant bitch, but I guess she was pretty important to some of you guys.
Konaa: Can't be completely sure yet, but I think he's probably dead. Or was dead. And then he undied (I fucking hate it when they do that), just so he could die again on the Solstice. Showoff. Anyway, he seemed pretty cool. Didn't know him too well. Mostly just remember him as the guy who stabbed Nee-chan, which I really can't object to, considering that it was in self defense. Gotta give him props for that, actually, after having seen those videos of her in action.
UPDATE: Nope, sorry. Apparently he survived his near-death experience. Konaa's still alive.
Beast: There's a report coming for him. Eventually. Curious fellow, really.
UPDATE: Here's the report.
Anyway, I think that's everyone. I'll get them added to the List. I've got...another post to go up soon, but I need to get my head back on straight before I can write it up. But soon.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
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