Thursday, September 29, 2011

Broken Glass

So the Glass Man is dead.

Don't really know what to say about this.  He was kind of an asshole.  I didn't really like him.  And he was on "your side."  Hope you self-righteous arrogant bastard types (and Big Brother) take note of that.

Glass was a a special sort of kid.  He was the sort of kid who thought that going around acting like a complete sociopath would turn him into a man.  Or, at the very least, was an acceptable way to act in society.  Oh no!  My friend is telling people about The Boss!  I think I'll fucking murder him.  And that mindset of "I'm going to kill anyone who I see as inconveniencing me" doesn't let up.  He kept going with it until he died.

So the Glass Man is dead.  Guess how many fucks I give.  Here's a hint: it's an integer smaller than one.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Sunday, September 25, 2011

A Talk with Big Brother

Where did we leave off?  Oh, yes, I remember now.  I got a call from Big Brother.  The guy who's been sending me tapes.  Always pleasant talking to the guy who may or may not be watching me sleep.

But a thing or two first, quickly.  The Glass Man died the other day.  I'm putting a report together that'll probably go up tomorrow or the next day.  If you don't know who Glass is, I guess you'll find out then, because I'm not going to bother telling you now.  Also, Nee-chan came over again yesterday.  After two weeks of the "we've been busy" excuse, things finally cooled down enough that we can stand being in the same room as her.  I have no clue how Poe could stand sitting on the same couch as her but then again, I guess she's more used to this sort of thing than I am.  Also her hair is blue now apparently...?  It's been a few weeks, I guess, but...I don't know.  I feel like I should have known about that.

And because you people apparently care so much and keep saying that I'm getting defensive or whatnot, I should probably at least clear up what's going on between Poe and myself.  I've got her permission to post this, and it's clear that you people aren't going to shut up until I do.  Basically, early last week, we had a talk about the fact that you people think that there's obviously something between us, and...well, okay, there are feelings, and they're kind of mutual, but...the situation is a really tricky one.  You have to remember that she was Caper's partner for six months, that Caper had done who knows how much for her, and then remember that the two of them never actually pursued a relationship.  Neither of us is sure that this is the right thing, or even a good thing at all.  Basically, we don't want to risk anything at the moment.  Satisfied?  Good.

Anyway, here's the call transcript.

B: Ah, Mr. Messenger!  What a surprise!

M: You called me.

B:  Did I, now?  Huh.  Imagine that.

M: What do you want?

B: Oh, just checking in to see how you're doing.

M: Chances are you know exactly how I'm doing.  Did you know that I've started taking a blanket into the bathroom with me to shit under?

B: Messi, Messi, Messi...why the paranoia?  You didn't find any bugs, did you?

M: No, but who's to say I didn't miss them?  Or that they've been removed and put back?

B: Oh, Messenger.  You're so cute when you're paranoid.  But what about the tapes?  What did you think?  Personally, I liked the Nee-chan series more, but it all comes down to taste.

M: Okay, I'll bite.  What's the purpose?  Making me admit that the people I'm surrounded by are crazy?  Good job!  You win.  What now?

B: You've got it all wrong, Little Brother.

M: That's not the reference--

B: Messenger, you keep asking why you're evidently one of the "bad guys."  You think that you've made the right choice and that everyone must have reasons as good as yours.  You see the world in shades of gray.  Noe one's a hero.  No one's a villain.  But come on, Mr. Funeral.  You saw those tapes.  People aren't who you think they are.  And while you may be right about there being shades of grey, some shades are darker than others.  And...well, let's face it, Messenger.  Your Boss doesn't wear a white suit.

M: Your point?

B: You're not one of the good guys, Messi.  You need to drop this pretension.  You're on the side that, statistically, is a bit less morally just.  Tell me, why exactly are you on this side again?

M: Because my brother--

B: Don't feed me that line.  What's the other reason?

M:  ...Because it's safer.  It's safer to work for him than to work against him.

B: Now, don't you think that's a bit selfish?

M: Okay, look, I still don't see your point.

B: One of these days, Messenger, you're going to have to make a choice.  You'll have reason to run.  You'll have reason to stay.  And when you make that choice, you need to know what you're getting into.  It's not a fair choice if you don't know your options.

M: So you want me to become a runner.

B: No, no no no.  Not at all.  Not necessarily.  Think of this a test.  One that you've passed.

M: I've passed?

B: Well, you've seen what Nee-chan and Poe are like.  What Caper was like.  And yet, you still feel comfortable enough to stay.  You know what you're in for, and you're still around.

M: So, um...great?  I don't know what you want me to say.  Give me my diploma or something.

B: Ah, but you still have the secondary education to complete, Messi.  Have you ever met Theta?  Nee-chan's partner?

M: No.  What does that have to do with anything.

B: Oh, you'll see.  You should ask Nee-chan to introduce the two of you sometime.  Get to know a few more of your neighbors and co-workers.  Oh, and one more thing.

M: Yeah?

B: That Poe girl seems nice.  Good luck with that.

[And then he hung up as I started cursing]

So I talked with Nee-chan when she came over, and she's going to introduce me to Theta.  I guess I'll find out what he's like next Saturday.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Recaps and Reflections

Okay, first things first.  I have a question for all of you: what the hell is wrong with you people?

No, seriously, read the comments of that last post.  I'll wait.  Back?  Okay, good.  Now let's take a look at what's wrong with this picture.  Well, for one thing, you're playing third-person matchmaker, with your "oh, they'd be so cute together" and your "Poessenger."  Do we not get a say in this?  Also, those of you who are trying to pair me up with Screwtape of all people (I have no clue how you came to the conclusion there were even one-sided feelings there) do realize that he reads this blog, right?  And that he's much less receptive to jokes than I am?  And that it's kind of his job to find people?  And finally, fuck you, John.  I could have gone my whole life and not known what yaoi was, but since you brought it up, I just had to Google it.  What the fuck.  Like...seriously, what the fuck?  These things you are saying are stupid.  I mean, all of them.

That said, Poe and I have been talking.  What about is none of your business.  Any relationship or lack thereof between Poe and myself is also none of your business.  Get over it.

But anyway, second matter of business.  Donovan.  He left a comment on that last post, and I've technically already linked to it earlier.  But I guess there are some of you who probably just don't care, so I'll just reproduce it below as well:

"Thank you for this message of hope, Alan. I trust I will be seeing you at some point during my journey. You're quite lucid and amiable, for a proxy. I think I'd enjoy a talk with you in the future.

Take care until then, Messenger." 

Now, I still really don't know how to take this.  Threat?  An attempt to get on my good side?  I can't really tell.  I guess the unnerving part is that he's suddenly so calm about everything when he had formerly been pissy, and between that comment and his latest post, I think that Donny boy may do I put this?  Playing with a 50-card deck?  I think that works.  He also says something about "saving" Poe (or Annabel, I guess).  That's why the fact that he'd like to talk to me kind of bothers me.  Am I her "captor" now or something?  I mean, Don, I'd love to get in contact with you so that we both know what exactly's going on, but I'm pretty sure that we both know how stupidly suicidal that'd be for you at this point.

Money's tight right now, by the way.  Poe and I have spent most of what we've saved on the bug sweeping equipment and VCR, and Jacob usually just provides us with what we need.  It's not so much a salary as it is an allowance.  Money for some food, the room, other general things...but really not a whole lot of extra money to spend.  Jacob will cover work-related expenses (for example, if I need to update my hardware or if Poe needs to travel), but I can't exactly call him up and go "hey, Jacob, I need a VCR!  Can you help me out?"  Right now he's paying for our living expenses, our food, any travel we need to do, online classes so that Nee-chan can at least go to college part-time, any medication or other medical expenses that any of us may need...he's not going to pay for a VCR so that I can watch some tapes someone dropped off at my door.

Had to cut some costs, and on top of that, there's all the stress I've had lately.  Haven't been eating well.  Haven't been sleeping well.  It's starting to affect me.  Kinda funny--the insanity seems kind of unavoidable.  I've been doing pretty well so far, and now that I'm feeling like I'm breaking down, it's for easily explainable reasons I wasn't expecting.

Whatever.  I think I'm going to try to take a nap.

And crap.  Cell rang.  It's Big Brother.  The nap's going to have to wait.  I'll get back to you in a day or two with the conversation.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Poe's Tape

I'm going to do this one a bit differently.  The video isn't something I can easily provide a transcript for, and this conversation explains the contents just as well, as well as provides a bit of additional information.

[It's late at night.  Poe's in the kitchen, getting herself something to eat.  I enter.]

M: Hey, Poe, um, I'm sure you've told me before, but could you explain again how exactly you ended up as an Agent?

P: I...I've told you.  You did that interview.  A runner named Arnold left me to die, and...and an Agent found me, told me that I could either work for them or die....

M: Yeah, yeah, I remember that part.  It's the part after that that I don't remember.  Must have left it out in my interview.  I didn't ask how you started working for The Boss, Poe.  I asked you how you ended up as an Agent.

P:  I...Messi, I don't understand what you're talking about....

M: Poe...I looked back over your story.  And I caught a bit of a...logical error, I guess.  If it was either "join or die," why are you still here?  I'm taking a wild guess and assuming that there isn't some sort of explosive device planted in your neck that's holding up the "die" side of the bargain.  You've had plenty of chances to run, Poe.  Why haven't you?

P:  It''s complicated, Messi.  I don't want to talk about it.

M: Poe...tell me the truth.  There has to be a reason.

[She's silent.  Looks down.]

M: couldn't, could you?

P: Messi, please, I don't want to talk about this.

M: I do.  We need to talk about this.  "Big Brother" sent me another video.  I watched it without you.  I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have done that.  But...look, Poe, this shouldn't surprise you.  I just...couldn't tell you about it.  It was a video of you.

P: I...what?

M: Yeah.  A fucking tape of you.  And it's not exactly the newest tape either.  I don't think you'd even met Caper at the point it was taken

P: Oh, god, I....  Messi, I...look, it's not what you think--

M: It's not what I think?  Poe, the hell is it not what I think?  You know what you were doing in the tape?  Oh, god, I wish it was something crazy or sociopathic, like...I don't even know.  Splitting a dog's skull open or something.  But no, you know what I see you doing?  I have to see you huddled in a corner, wearing jeans and a t-shirt that looked like they hadn't been washed in weeks, scribbling in a fucking notebook.  I barely recognized you, Poe.  I don't think I would have if your name wasn't attached to it.

P:  Oh...oh, god, you saw....

M: I don't even know what the hell I saw.

[She was silent.  Just looked down.]

M: Listen, Poe...I'm sorry.  But we're in this together now, whether we like it or not.  I need you to be able to trust me.  And I need to be able to trust you.  And there's something you're not telling me.

P: I...I wasn't myself.  For a while.

M: ...what happened?

P: I...It's hard to remember.  But she wasn't me back then.  Wasn't anyone.  Annabel maybe.  But she probably wasn't her, either.  He wouldn't let her be Annabel.

[She looked up at me, and for the first time, I looked into her eyes.  Not just looked at them.  Actually looked into them, saw what was in them.  And there was just...something in them.  No, there was something that wasn't in them.  Something missing in her eyes that should have been there.  Like there was some part of her that was trying to not exist.  And I understood why.  I panicked.  I shouldn't have been so worried, but...I panicked.]

M: Jesus, Poe, would you cut it out with the third person?  You sound like The Mad Fucking Ventriloquist.  How do I know you're not suddenly just going cryptic on me?  Who were you?  Who wouldn't let you be Annabel?  Just...just tell me as directly as you can.  Something that makes sense.

P:  I'm not Annabel anymore.  Not really.  I guess there's maybe still a bit of her--of me--there.  But mostly, it's just faint memories.  It's not who I really am. wasn't an Agent who found me, okay?  I was never gave me a real choice.  I'm sorry.  I...I didn't want to talk about it.  Didn't want to remember it right.  But you know who found me.  Please don't make me say his name.

M:  I'm...look, I'm sorry, I'm just...this is hard for me to take in. are you fighting all this?

P:  I...I told you.  I became someone new.  Caper helped.  He helped me through all of that.  Listened to what I could remember and helped figure out who I could be.  If he hadn't been there, I don't think I would have....

[She trailed off.  Fell silent.]

M:  So...are you, you know..."fixed?"

P:  I...I think so....

M: You think?  Or you know?  Poe, how do I know that you won't, I don't know, spontaneously decide to stab me to death while I sleep?

P:  [Her voice started wavering at this point.  She was pretty clearly agitated and was only barely holding back tears]  No!  No, I wouldn't...I...I mean...I'm sorry, I don't know!  Sometimes, I forget.  I'm able to forget everything and just be Poe.  I try to remember everything and to just let it all go is a relief.  But...but it's horrible, too.  Because I try holding on to everything, I'm afraid I'll slip.  I hate it when I'm like that.  I...I don't want anyone to know.

M: I'm...look, Poe...I'm sorry.  I know that I sound like a complete ass.  I'm just...I'm worried.

P: I told you, I--

M: No, Poe, just...not even for myself, really.  For you.  I...I don't want to lose you.

P:  I....  I....  Thank you.

[And we sort of just stood there awkwardly for a while, neither of us looking at the other.  I just stared at my feet, tapping the counter with my fingers.  Looked up.  She was just standing there, looking down, holding herself.  Broken, lost, confused...and convinced that the only person she had to turn to hated her.  I...I dunno.  I couldn't let her think that.  I mean, it wasn't true, but she needed someone at that moment.  She needed to know that she wasn't alone.  I'll admit that I'm not exactly too good at expressing sentiment and I don't think of myself as a personally emotional person, so the whole thing seemed kinda awkward and uncomfortable for me but...I dunno.  Did it anyway.  Stepped forward and hugged her.  Put my arms around her, let her cry into my shoulder, just so that she knew that I wasn't mad at her and that she wasn't alone.  I don't know.  I feel stupid typing this out.  I just hope it helped.]

M: I'm...I'm sorry.  I mean, I know I said that we shouldn't get attached to each other, but...well, I guess we need someone to keep us from going insane....

P: Yeah...I....  Thank you.

[She sort of weakly put her arms around me (I think she needed a place to put them so it felt less unnatural or something), and we just stood there for a minute or two.]

M:  Sooooo...does that Donovan guy know any of this?

P:  Uh...nnnno.  He wouldn't.  I mean, I thought of not telling you my name, since he'd know then, and it's maybe a good idea not to tell him....

M:  Sweet.  Straight to the blog.

P: What?  No!  No, nonono, Messi, please!  You can't tell anyone!

M: [Laughing] Poe, I'm kidding.  If you don't want to, no one has to know about the tape.  No one even knows I got one of you.  This whole thing never happened, okay?  It's your tape.  Your call.

P: Oh...okay....  Um...thank you.


P: Messi?  I...think it's maybe better if they know.  They'll want to know, and I know that you feel uncomfortable if you don't post things like this....

M: Poe, relax.  If you don't want it to go up, it won't.  You've read my blog.  Do you honestly think I care if they want to know?  They can go on wondering all their lives if they have to.  You mean more to me than any of them do.  I mean, you know...I don't have to live with any of them or anything.

P:  No, I mean...I want them to know.  It'll be easier if the truth is out there.

M: ...I'm sorry.

P:  No, don't be sorry!  It's my choice!

M: No, not that, it's just...I really haven't been able to do anything for you.  I'm a pretty bad friend, huh?

P:  No!  You're not a bad friend at all!

M: Terrible then, huh?

P: No, you''ve done plenty.  You've let me cry.  And you helped me get away from Screwtape.  And you don't judge me.  And...and you're just...nice to me.

M: I...I let you cry.  That's...that's what I've done for you?  That's...Poe, that's not anything.  And really, you helped me get away from Nee-chan as much as I helped you get away from Screwtape.

P: You do more than you realize.  After Caper...I almost didn't make it.

M: I'm sure you would have been fine.

[She just got quiet and looked down.]

M: Look, Poe, I want you to know that, no matter what happens, no matter what stupid things I might accidentally say or if I yell at you need to know that I really do...that I'm here for you.  If you need my help for anything, I'm here for you.

P: [quietly] Thank you.

M: Poe, I...fuck it.  Let's just...let's get some sleep.  It's...if we're going to talk about this further, we should talk about it tomorrow after we've had some time for the issue to cool some.

P: All right.

[I headed for my bedroom, but paused before going in and closing the door.]

M: Hey, Poe?

P: Yes?

M: I don't think I ever really told you, but...I enjoyed Death Note.  It was a good show.  Even if I couldn't really follow the end.  It was good.  Thanks.

P:  I'm...glad you liked it.

[And that's when I closed my door.  That's where I ended the conversation.  Just because I couldn't bring myself to tell her what I was thinking.  Couldn't tell her what I wanted to say.  Still can't, because I know she's reading this.  Poe...look.  I'm sorry.  I hope you're not mad at me.]

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Interview with Andromeda

Earlier this morning I met with Andromeda, writer of Stark Raving Sane.  In case you haven't read her blog and are unfamiliar with her, she's an...intense woman.

We agreed to meet in a public place (the Starbucks where I met with Jacob and where Poe and Screwtape meet to work), because I frankly wasn't about to spend time alone in a secluded room with her.  A public place gave me more peace of mind.  Also, I convinced Poe to come along to keep an eye on everything.  Just in case.

She had arrived before me, even though I had tried to get their early.  A few people were in the Starbucks already, but Andromeda was identifiable enough.  After all, she was the only one who matched the description she had given me.

She wore a three-piece suit, glasses, and wore her hair in a bun.  Easy enough to identify.  Fit her well enough.  She looked more or less how I had pictured her, with a bit of a difference: she didn't look cool and calculating or tweaked out on crazy like I had expected.  She almost looked...I don't know, shocked?  Panicked?  Weary?  I'm not the best at reading emotions.

I sat down facing her.  Not in the same booth, though.  The one over.  Irrational, maybe, but I felt a bit safer having two tables between us instead of just one.  That way she wasn't within arm's length of me.

Messenger: Andromeda, I'm assuming?

Andromeda: [quiet, tired chuckle] That's correct, dear. You must be Messenger.

M: Yeah.  That's me. me to interview you, I guess?

A: It seemed like an interesting thing to do, yes. How are you, dear? You seem...stressed.  [I was a surprised, as it sounded like genuine concern.  Wasn't really expecting that.]

M: Oh, yeah, stressed.  Funny thing, that.  I wonder why.  Couldn't have anything to do with Big Brother sending me tapes.  Or writing up a report in which a girl killer turned out to be a cannibal.  Or, speaking of which, sitting across from a woman who fucking eats people.

A: [She sighed and massaged her forehead] I'm not going to attack you, dear. And I'm sorry about the other things, but you aren't the only one having a stressful week.

M: Either way, I prefer having a little extra space between us.  I hope you don't mind.  Just a precaution.

A: Not at all, dear. It's fine.

M: So, um...I guess I'll start by asking your name and what exactly you do.

A: (small chuckle) The name everyone knows me by is "Andromeda", so we may as well use that. I'm an...independent agent. I receive direction directly from Father.

M: ...Andromeda.  Okay, that's how you pronounce it.  Sorry. [Note: I had pronounced it "An-dro-ME-duh" when exchanged (un?)pleasantries.  She pronounced it more like "An-DRAW-meh-duh."] long have you been working for...uh, The Boss?  Father.  Whatever you call him.

A: Father, dear. For approximately 14 years.

M: ...Fourteen...?  Uh, okay, and how exactly did you start?  I saw that you explained on your blog, but could you sort of restate it here anyway?

A: [Small sigh] I was...forced into it. I don't remember exactly how, a fact for which I am very grateful.

M: Forced into it, huh?  Seems like you've enjoyed it enough to stay for fourteen years, though. [Pause]  Sorry, I...guess I'm just making biased assumptions there, aren't I?

A: [Surprisingly, not angry] Yes, are.  The persona you would be familiar with as "Andromeda" isn't truly ME, nor is it the only persona I've been forced to adopt over the years.  She enjoyed it.  I do not.

M: ...I thought I /was/ interviewing Andromeda.

K: [She sighed and sort of covered her face a bit, like she was facepalming but trying to be polite/delicate about it]  It's...complicated, dear. The Andromeda persona is fracturing, falling apart. The person you're speaking to now is approximately 65% Andromeda and 35% the person I used to be.  I am simply using "Andromeda" as my name because it is what everyone is used to.

M: Huh.  So, um...what do you forsee happening in the future, then?

A: [Chuckle] I am not psychic, dear. I can't tell the future. My plans are...well, for the first time in quite a while I have no plan. I have seen things that I can't unsee, things that make me want to gouge my eyes out. Perhaps I should take a vacation.

M: Okay, uh...lemme see here.  This interview kind of isn't what I expected it to be, and most of my questions here sound kind of loaded....

A: Oh, ask away, dear.

M: insist. offense, in advance.

A: None taken. I'm quite enjoying our talk.

M: Okay, do you live with yourself?  How do you sleep at night?

A: I don't.

M: ...Don't live with yourself, or don't sleep at night?

A: I don't sleep at night, dear. I can't. I can't even turn out the lights. I'm certain that Andromeda at her full strength didn't care about the carnage she'd wreaked, but I DO, and it horrifies me.

M: ...That', no offense, but that's not physically possible.  Is it?

A: It certainly is. I'm a doctor, dear. I would know. It's not pleasant by any means, but a human being can go up to 11 days without sleep.  I'm on day eight.

M: Oh.  So sleep.  I mean, I was going to say, fourteen years....

A: I think you may have misunderstood my statement in more ways than that, dear.

M: But right.  That's not what I was trying to ask.  I do you acchieve any sort of peace of mind?

A: Again, I don't. Why would I want it? Why would I deserve it?

M: But...wouldn't it drive you crazy?  Drive you to suicide or something?

A: I'm afraid not, dear. You see, even if I were to try, Father wouldn't allow me to die. [She rolled up her sleeves with a wry smile and showed me her arms, which were covered in scars]. I've tried before.  Why would I waste energy on something futile?

M: [I cursed, then let out a chuckle]  And I guess that all of us are already pretty crazy, aren't we?

A: [Chuckling with me] I suppose we are. Look at what we do for a living.

M: Not just us.  The ones on the other side, too.  Every last one of us. 

A: True. I suppose you could argue that all humanity is quite insane in some way or another...but then we'd be delving into Nietzche territory, and I was never a terribly large fan of his writings.

M: Can't say that I am either.  So...I don't know.  Most of the rest of my questions are entirely loaded and largely rhetorical, so...I dunno.  Is there anything else you want to share?  Anything you want to be asked?

A: Hmm.... [She thinks for a while] Well, I would like to know what the rest of your questions were. As for anything else I might want to say...all I can think of is that perhaps people on both sides of our little conflict have been looking at everything the wrong way. Everyone is so obsessed with "hunt the Runners" or "kill the Proxies". What if there's a third option?  If Father is  going to consume us all in the end, why are we wasting our efforts fighting each other? It accomplishes nothing.

M: Truth be told, I sometimes wonder the same thing myself.  Things aren't as black and white as people pretend it is.  That's why I work for The Boss in the first place.  Buys me more time.  Buys my brother more time.  And yet, people somehow think that makes me a bad guy.  As for the rest of the of them are along the lines of "what's your favorite way to prepare human flesh" or "what do you think a psychiatrist would diagnose you with?"  Things like that.  Things I don't actually want the answer to.  ...Seriously, please don't answer that first one.

A: Ah. [she chuckled quietly] Don't worry, dear. My answers would be very unsatisfactory, I'm sure.

M: Um...anything else you want to say?  Anything at all?

A: Not at the moment, dear, though if you don't mind I'd like to stay in touch.

M: Um...I suppose?  No offense, but I'd like it to be a method that doesn't require us to meet in person.  I still feel incredibly uneasy around you.

A: I do have a cellular phone. Would that suffice?

M: That would work.  E-mail also works.  Skype even, I suppose.  It all comes down to what you prefer.

A: I believe we should stick to telephones. After all, they're harder to track down.

M: I suppose that's true, yes.  Um...well, it certainly has been...something, meeting you.  I hope you don't mind if I don't shake your hand.

A: Not at all, dear. I understand. [She stands and straightens her suit jacket] I believe I'll be on my way now, if you don't mind.

M: I...suppose I'll talk to you later, then.

[She then exits the coffee shop, and disappears before the crowd briefly before I manage to catch her climbing into a yellow Mazda Miata and driving off.]

Um...I...really don't know what to make of this one way or the other.  On one hand, I wouldn't exactly call her a victim.  Even if she claims she's not really in full control of her actions, there's something about her that just...puts me on edge.  Every time she chuckles, every move she just makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.

At the same time, she claims that she's remorseful and that she's not fully in control of her actions.  And typing this up, I'm surprised at how much of an ass I was to her.  Defense mechanism, I guess?

Whatever.  I'm going to just leave this here and put her out of my mind until she decides to call.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Monday, September 12, 2011

A Moment of Calm

Lately, everything's seemed...a bit difficult.  Intense.  I find out that I'm quite possibly being observed by some Orwellian freak.  Said freak is sending me videos that basically boil down to "you're surrounded by sociopaths; have fun with that."  I had to write about a wonderful woman who was decapitated and eaten.  And I'm meeting Andromeda, a woman who makes Nee-chan seem kindhearted and stable, for an interview tomorrow.

And you know what?  It's all that wonderful dysfunction constantly chipping at my sanity that makes the good times that much better.

I had mentioned offhand earlier (I think I had, at least, but I'm not going to take the time to look it up) that Poe had told me that I should watch some anime with her and Nee-chan some time.  I agreed to giving it one shot.  Well, I had agreed to it this past Saturday.  And considering that this was after those tapes with Caper and finding out about Schrödinger, I wasn't really in the mood for spending time with Nee-chan.  But I had promised Poe, so I pulled myself together enough to pull myself over to the couch.

Poe was sitting there already, and she looked up as I approached.  Nee-chan hadn't showed up yet, though.

"So when's the crazy one showing up?"

She forced a smile.  "Oh, I'm here already."

"Oh, you know who I mean.  I figured she'd be here already."

"Oh.  Um, she's...she's not coming over.  I told her we were busy.  I...I hope you don't mind.  It's just...well, I don't think it'd be a good idea to have her around tonight and...I'm sorry I didn't tell you.  I just thought we could maybe spend a bit of time together.  You know, because...we really haven't had the chance to do that yet."

Well...she definitely had a point about Nee-chan.  And I was only watching to appease her anyway, so...I guess I preferred it that way.

Anyway, we watched some anime called Death Note.  Poe told me it was about a kid genius using a notebook that kills the person whose name is written in it.  I laughed because it sounded like the dumbest concept ever.  She sort of smacked me and told me to give it a try first.  And it was...okay, I'll admit that it was a lot better than it sounded.  Sort of a mystery story in a lot of ways, which I didn't expect.  We started late in the afternoon and, after I started getting into it, we decided to just try to watch the whole thing in one go.  All twelve hours of it.  We started mid-afternoon and watched through the whole thing with a brief break at what Poe said was the best stopping point.

And for those twelve hours, I was able to forget.  To forget about Schrödinger.  To forget about Caper.  To forget about Nee-chan.  To forget the fact that, while we were watching Death Note, there may have been someone watching us.  For those twelve hours, nothing existed but us and the show we were watching.  And for the first time in a long time, I was able to feel happy again, if only for a little bit.

Also, I now know where Poe gets her profile picture (it's some chick named Misa who's a pretty important character on the show).  I made sure to give her some grief for it when I recognized it.

Anyway, I had a good time.  Didn't really understand the ending because it was about 5:00 AM by that point, and Poe wasn't even awake to explain it to me (she had fallen asleep on my shoulder sometime from...I think between 2:00 and 3:00).  Asked her to explain it to me yesterday, but she told me I'd just have to rewatch it.  Poe, just a note since I know you're reading: blackmail isn't very nice.  Besides, Wikipedia seems to have more about any given TV show than it does about the Cold War, so if you won't tell me, I'll just ask the internet.

But yeah, I know that you all care about my personal life about as much as I care about yours (if you examine the blog very closely, you just might catch that the answer is "not at all"), but no one forced you to read it.  But I figured that the good stuff's worth posting as well as the bad.  So I'm going to take my little moment here to reminisce on my little moment of calm and happiness.  Because really, with all the shit that's been going on, that's all that's keeping me sane right now.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Sunday, September 11, 2011

They've Opened the Box

I'm not going to do
the whole post like this.
I just can't 
do it justice.
But the beginning?
That much
I can try.

Let me make one thing clear...there aren't many of you that I actually give half a shit about.  So the fact that this is actually hard for me to write up...well, let's just say that it should give you a sense of how much of an impact Schrödinger tended to make on people.

Emma-Sofia "Kathleen Schrödinger" Mondegreen.  She's...dead.  Check the report.

I can't type it out again.  And if I could, I don't want it on my blog where I'd have to be reminded of it.

At the risk of being called a Quisling or Benedict Arnold or teamkiller...I would love nothing more than that Cheshire bastard's death right now.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Update: Cheshire's dead too, now.  You can read about it here and here.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Caper's Will to Poe

A few things first:  If you haven't read this post, which went up earlier today, now would be a good time.

I think I get now why whoever's been sending me these tapes (I'm just going to call him Big Brother) asked why Nee-chan showed up so soon after Caper died.  I guess that Screwtape is to Caper as Nee-chan is to Helios.  Poe's said that Theta is, in fact, still alive, and that he's currently Nee-chan's partner.  Is Theta the guy sending the tapes?  I'll have to investigate that.

According to Poe, that's probably why Caper died.  Not because he didn't track down some girl.  Because he killed a Hunter.  I guess that friendly fire gets you booted from the server.

But after she filled in whatever questions I had about the video, we started playing the audio file that Big Brother had left on the tape.  A little ways into it, it became clear that it was an audio will for Poe.  I paused it and asked if she'd like to listen to it alone.  She nodded, and I left the room for a while.  She came back in a few minutes later, crying.  Not sobbing, really.  In fact, I'd almost say they were closer to tears of happiness or joy.  She told me that she wanted me to listen to it again with her, and that it was okay to share it with all of you.

So I've got a little treat for you.  I actually got the file uploaded for you guys to hear.  It's a bit long, so if you don't want to listen to it of if you can't listen to it for some reason or another, I'll provide a transcript for you below.

And on a marginally related not, it's been a rough weekend.  We watched the tape on Friday (even though I only got it written up today), I had to spend today writing up my hardest report yet (I've got it scheduled for tomorrow because I've got enough being posted tonight), I heard from Andromeda, who wants an interview and I'm stressed over the prospect of even being in the same room as someone like's just all really been rough.  Which is why I'm not going to even look at this blog tonight or tomorrow.  I'll answer any questions you guys might have on Monday.  Right now, I'm doing something with Poe, and I really need the time just to be able to relax.  Clear my mind.  Forget for a while.

I guess I'll talk to you guys then.

Anyway, here's the other stuff.  Here's the download link.  Transcript below.

Caper's Will

Testing, testing…so how’s it working, Bob?  Is it gonna work okay?  You think…I mean, I really want it to…what do you mean, “it’s recording?”  We’re live?  Dammit, Bob, why didn’t you tell me—

Hey!  Hey, how’s it going, Poe?  It’s me.  Your old buddy Caper.  And if you’re listening to this…well, I guess it means I’m dead.   Hopefully.  I mean, not hopefully I’m dead, but hopefully you’re listening to this after I’m dead because it’s kind of intended as a will of sorts, and if you find it while I’m still alive, it’d be…well, it’d be a bit awkward.

But yeah, I’m dead, I guess.  Ain’t that great?  I mean, I don’t know how or when I died, because I haven’t yet.  I don’t plan on going out for a while, but I guess I’m not the one in control of that, huh?  I guess from your perspective, it’s already been a bit.  I’m deceased, I’m pushing up daisies, I’m…I’m an ex-Caper.  Really wish I had the dead parrot sketch memorized, but it’s not worth rerecording just so I can add it in.

But, um…I just figured, we’ve been partnered for a few months now, and I guess you really know almost nothing about me.  I mean, after all, I’m not a very chatty person [chuckle].  But I mean, you’ve heard my stories.  You know everything I say is pure bull, so…um… I guess that’s why I’m making this.

So this is a will of sorts.  I feel like I owe you two things—neither of them physical, but I figure you don’t really want anything physical from me anyway.  Well, except of course for my—no.  No, I’m not going there.  I’m not going to make a crude joke while you’re no doubt mourning the death of your old pal.  I know how much you hated those.  Maybe a different… [He starts laughing]  Hey, I just noticed something.  I’m talking to you from beyond the grave.  Ooooooooh, I’m a ghooooooooooost….  I’m sorry, that…wasn’t all that funny.  That was weak even by my standards.  Still hoping it made you smile, though.

Right, sorry, I’ve gone off on a tangent again.  I’m leaving you two things, neither of them physical.  The first is my first name.  I’m not giving you my last name because I know you’ll be able to use that to look me up and figure out more about me, and I don’t want you doing that.  I don’t want you finding out about anything more than you need to.  For your sake as much as mine. 

[Long silence] 

Quentin.  My name’s Quentin.  Oh, god, that feels so weird to say again.  It’s been…well, I can’t give you an exact estimation, but it’s…oh, man, I haven’t used my real name now for…I don’t even know anymore.  It’s been a while.  I’d almost forgotten Quentin by the time I met Annabel.  …Speaking of which, I’m sorry for bringing her up.  I hope she’s not still around.

And the other thing?  Well…I’m going to tell you another story.

See, there was this woman.  Her name was Audrey.  And she was just this wonderful woman, I loved her so much…I spent about a year dating her…and then I sort of knocked her up.  She was, uh, not…well, it was sort of unexpected.  We were really worried at first, because we didn’t know what was going to happen, what we were gonna do.  I mean, we were younger and stupider back then, but…after a few days of confusion, I went up to her and asked her to marry me, because I realized that I wanted a family.  More than anything else, I wanted to be a father.  Of the little girl she was carrying.  Maybe it was a son, but part of me’s just convinced it was a daughter.

She said yes.  I asked her to marry me, and she said yes.  And then the next day…she was gone.  Disappeared.  Wouldn’t answer her phone, couldn’t get in contact with her any other way…went and talked to her parents.  And they told me that she had left, and that she didn’t want me to know where she was.  Where she had gone. 

For nearly two months, there was silence.  I heard nothing from her.  And then, when I finally did hear back from her, it was a fucking e-mail.  She sent me an e-mail telling me…that she had had an abortion.  She had gone off, behind my back, taken the daughter I desperately wanted to have…and removed her from existence before she even had the chance to exist in the first place.

I didn’t hear anything else from her until about a month after that.  And then, she knocked on my door in the middle of the night, sobbed into my shoulder, and told me she was sorry for everything.  She had panicked.  Didn’t know what to do.  She was confused.  She was sorry.  That she just wanted things to be how they used to be.  That she wanted everything to be right again.

I stroked her hair, whispered in her ear that I’d make everything all right.  And you know what I did?  I took my fingers…curled them around her neck…and strangled the bitch to death with my bare hands.

And I know that at this point, you’re waiting for me to say something outrageous.  Something disturbingly hilarious.  You’re wondering what the joke’s going to be.  When the funny part comes, when everything’s going to be better.  But that’s just it.  That’s the joke.  That there is no punchline.  That one’s true.  And the really crazy part is, if I could go back and do everything all over…I wouldn’t change a fucking thing.  I’d kill her all over again.  And happily.

What can I say, Poe?  It’s me.  Caper. [chuckle]  Not quite how you remember him, huh?


I’m sorry.  I’m sorry for everything.  I’m sorry that you got dragged into all this…sorry that I can’t be here now…sorry that I could only now, after I’m dead, bring myself to tell you even part of the truth.

I know how you felt about me, Poe.  To be honest, I’d be lying if I said that I never wished that it could have worked out.  But it couldn’t have.  It’s not what you needed.  Not what I needed.


Goodbye, Poe.  Try not to miss me too much, okay?

End Caper's Will
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

The Caper Tape

I thought I had Caper figured out.  I really thought I had Caper figured out.  And I thought I had Poe figured out, too.  I guess that I still don't know much about either of them.

The DVD showed up.  Poe and I were both out.  I distinctly remember locking the door before I left.  And when I came back, the door was still locked, but the DVD was sitting on my keyboard.  Bastard has access to my apartment as well.  Waited until Poe came back to watch.  Popped the DVD in (a DVD player is something that I actually had on hand because, you know, it's not obsolete technology yet) and sat down on the couch with her.  Started the video up, and a man came in and started chatting with Caper.

I felt Poe tense up.  Then she stood up and left the room.

She headed into her bedroom.  Naturally, I followed, because I had no clue what the hell was going on.

M: Poe?  Something wrong?

P: No, I...nothing's wrong.

M: You need something, or...look, why'd you leave?  I know you want to see this.

P: No, it's fine, I--

M: That's a fucking lie and we both know it.  Poe, you basically cut off contact with everyone for a month after he died.  I know how much you miss him.  Now why the hell don't you want to see the tape? [silence]  Look, I'm going back in there to watch it, and if you're not--

P: No!  I...

M: ...what?

P:  ...I've seen it already.  Kind of.  I know what happens.  I...I was there.

M: So it's still that tough to see him, huh?  Look, I can watch it on my own if you want....

P: No, I...I don't want you to...I'm sorry.  I should have told you....

M: Poe...what's going on?

P: Messi, I...I'm sorry.  I don't want to watch this.  And I really don't want you to watch this.  But you need to know the truth.  I'm sorry, I'll...let's, uh, just go back and watch it.

I was curious.  Worried.  Confused.  But I headed back, and started watching the DVD again.  On it, there were two things: a video, and an audio file.  I'm not putting the video up for privacy reasons (also because I'm not entirely sure what video host wouldn't take it down) but I am going to get the audio file up so you can download it.  I'll explain that in a post a bit later, as well as provide a transcript.  But for now, I'm putting up a transcript of the tape.

Caper's Tape

Inside Caper and Poe's aparment.  The two are both there, just milling around.  A large man enters.  Caper looks up as he does.  Poe continues to sort of sit in the background.

C: Helios!  Hey, how's it going?
Helios: Hello, Caper.  I take it the assignment went well?

C: Sure did!  Managed to get some security footage that we can use to ID the girl.  We're working on finding out her name now.  Hope you appreciate the work we put in this time to make your job easier.

H: We always do.  You and your partner are quite good at this.

C: Oh, we're not that good, are we, Poe?  [He looks back at Poe.  Poe just looks back at him.]  Okay, well, we are pretty good, but you and Theta aren't bad yourselves.  How's he doing, by the way?

H: Well, he's Theta.  I don't really think I need to elaborate.

C: [Laughing] Good point, man.  Hey, you want something to drink?  I just made some coffee.  You're a coffee guy, aren't you, H?

H: No, I'm fine, thank you.

C: C'mon, man, I insist!  It's black, and it's freshly brewed.  I know you like black coffee.

H: [Smiling] I suppose so, then.  But we should really get down to business now.

[Caper walks to a pot of coffee and pours two cups.  He walks back to Helios and hands him the cup.]  Yeah, that'd probably be best.  Let's see's the DVD with the security footage we got.  Here are some files with the information we've managed to get on the girl so far.  Um...hey, Poe, could you go print off the final entry on that one blog?

P: I thought you already printed it off.

C: [He looks at her, and he looks...incredibly serious.  More so than I ever saw him.]  Poe.  Go print it off.  Please.  [At this point while we were watching, Poe gripped my arm.]

H: [Helios starts looking through the papers as Poe leaves the room.]  Good job, Caper.  This is some solid information.  The Tall One will no doubt be pleased.

C: Thanks, H.  How's the coffee, by the way?

H: It's...I dunno.  It's pretty good.  Something tastes a bit off.  How old are the beans you used?

C: Oh, yeah, sorry about that.  Oh, hey, can I see those again for a second?  [Helios hands the papers and DVD back]  Thanks.  You mind if I smoke?

H: You don't smoke....

C: I knew you wouldn't mind.  [He pulls out lighter and puts the flame to the papers, dropping them in the sink.]  Huh.  Whoops.  Sorry about that, H.  But if I guess that if the fire damage doesn't eat through the whole thing, the water damage should finish the job.  [He takes the DVD and snaps it in half.  Helios stands up quickly.]

H: What the hell are you doing, you idiot?  You're...ungh....  

[He grips his head and starts to sway.  Caper walks around and casually shoves the man to the ground.]

C: Helios, old chum, what's wrong?  Feeling a bit woozy?  That's odd.  Although it maybe has something to do with the drugs I slipped into your coffee.

H: You....

C: See, I knew I'd never be able to take you in a fair fight.  Problem is, I can't let you and Theta go after that girl.  She's just a kid.  Wait until she's older.  If the Big Guy wants her now, he'll go back and get her now.  But right now?  I dunno.  I guess I just can't let her die.  And you're kind of standing in the way of that.  So now I'm standing in the way of you.  And now that you can't fight back...well, you're not such an intimidating obstacle anymore.  [He takes his foot and gently presses it into Helios's throat.]  So, tell me, H, how do you normally kill people?  Ever tried asphyxiation?  It's pretty fun.  Watching as someone struggles to gain consciousness, fighting for fresh air that never comes?  Seeing the light go out of their eyes as they slowly glaze over?  Sure, it's not as quick and easy as a knife to the throat or a bullet to the brain, but it doesn't even leave a mess.  I'm sorry it had to be like this, Helios.  I've enjoyed chatting with you over the years.  In fact, you're one of my favorite acquaintances.  But it's her or you right now.  And she deserves better than you do.

[He stands there for a while, just pressing his foot into Helios's throat.  Then he bends over, grabs his wrist to check for a pulse, and steps back before turning around.  He pauses as he sees someone out of the camera shot.]

C: ...You know I told you to print it off so that you wouldn't see this, don't you?  Why'd you watch?  [Silence]  ...Well, I guess this is an early goodbye, huh?  I'm fucked now.  [More silence]  I don't suppose you'd like to help me finish the coffee off, would you?  [Another silence, followed by faint footsteps.]  Yeah, didn't think so.

End Caper's Tape

Other file going up later tonight, after I've had some time to transcribe it.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

An Unknown Caller

Well, I've got a few answers.  Answers that raise more questions.  Why can nothing ever be straightforward?

First, an update on Poe: she's still upset, but she's a bit more stable now.  There's a good chance that Donovan was targeted because he gets along with The Mad Ventriloquist (not to dump this on you, TMV...I just need Poe to know that it's not her fault).  His family was tortured/murdered, incidentally, by one of The Mad Ventriloquist's psychotic friends, so...I've been trying to convince her that she's not at fault here.  It's kind of working.  She's still convinced that it's partially her fault, or that she convinced Screwtape to get involved or something.

Earlier today, I got a call.  Checked the caller ID.  It was Caper's number.

Naturally, I answered.  Still don't know if it was a smart move or a stupid one, but it was a natural reaction.

Messenger: Who the hell is this?

?: Hello, Mr. Messenger. [A male's voice.  Not Caper's.  Not any voice I recognize, for that matter.]  I see you've made it through those tapes I sent you.  How were they?  Enjoyable, I hope?

M: Who the hell are you?

?: Oh, please, Mr. Messenger.  I'm sure you've seen at least a few movies in your lifetime.  You should know how these things work.  Why would I reveal my name to you?  What could you possibly give me in return?

M: I swear, man, whoever you are, I will hunt you down--

?: [laughing] Really?  You honestly think you have any chance of finding out who I am?  You'd recognize my voice if you knew me.  I'm not Ulysses, not Screwtape, not Jacob...not even Caper.  What does that give you for leads?  I'm the one who holds all the cards, and the sooner you realize that and stop making idle threats, the sooner I can get to my point, mmkay? 

[He was right, of course.  I had close to no clue in the first place, and every clue I did have was gone.]

M: So what's the point? Why send me those tapes of Nee-chan?  What did you hope to accomplish?  And seriously, why put them on tapes?

?: Well it's no fun if it's too easy, is it?  Besides, it's fun watching you scramble around and rant at me.  You're so cute when you're angry.

M: So you're a troll.

?: I suppose you could put it that way, yes.  But trolls do would you say it?  For the lulz?  I, on the other hand, have a bit more of a purpose.

M: And what purpose could showing me those tapes serve?  You still haven't answered that.  What are you hoping to accomplish?

?: Oh, Messi, Messi,'re still so naive.  You're still would you say it?  A newfag?

M: I'm not a Channite.  I don't use their phrases.

M: Of course, of course.  My mistake.  But back to my point.  You're such an optimist, Messenger.  Convinced that everyone just needs a little nudge in the right direction or is blackmailed into this or has no other choice.  Nee-chan was just a poor girl who never had any friends, isn't she?  Problem solved.  But then why is she lashing out like this?  Surely if she was just a poor, broken girl, she'd turn her hatred inward instead of outward and waste away.  You see, Mr. Funeral, as much as you're trying to be the "good guy," you're almost doing more harm than good.  You're putting everyone off guard.  You're telling all those runners that we're all just lost souls waiting to be reformed.  Hallelujah, praise Jesus and Buddha and Ghandi, I saw the light, and suddenly we're fine upstanding citizens again.

[Following him?  Me neither.] 

M: What exactly are you getting at?

?: Messenger, I have a question for you.  Would you like to know why Caper died?

M: Oh, yeah, that reminds me.  Where did you get his phone?

?: [He laughed again] You've seen the tapes and you're asking where I got the phone?  I think my influence would surprise you.  You've had two very attractive female roommates, you know.  I wonder what sort of things they'd do behind closed doors.

M: You sick fuck.

?: Conversely, I wonder how they'd react to seeing what you do when you think no one's watching.

M: I swear, I will sue your ass onto the streets.

?: Mr. Messenger, Mr. don't even know who or where I am.  Good luck finding out.  But you never answered my question.  Would you like to know why Caper died?

M: I already know.  He didn't kill some girl he was supposed to and The Boss punished him for it.  I really don't see what you're getting at.

?: [He started outright laughing at this.]  So very...very, very naive.  Honestly, Mr. Funeral, do you think that Father cares whether that girl lives or dies, or that he'd be unable to just kill her himself if he really wanted to?  No, Father wouldn't kill Caper over something that trivial.

M:  ...Why did Caper die, then?

?: Well, be on the lookout for another tape.  It can explain better than I can.  And I think I'll just put it on a DVD for you this time.  Save you the trouble.

M: I've already got a VCR player, jackass.

?: I suppose you do.  But it saves me the trouble more than you.  Oh, and...I'll include a little bonus feature on the disc as well.  Make it "special edition" for you.

M: Yeah, fuck you too.

?: [chuckling]  Goodbye, Messenger.  Oh, more thing before I go.  Just out of curiosity...why do you think Nee-chan showed up so suddenly after Caper's death?  Don't answer.  Just something to think about.

And then he hung up.

Well...I guess Caper's next.  There's a chance I'll finally be getting a straight answer out of him.  I just wish he were giving it himself.

And I'm really hoping that this'll be able to cheer Poe up a bit, no matter what it is.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Monday, September 5, 2011

A Situation/Tape #5

Okay, first, to elaborate on our situation a little more.  Poe is...currently a little unstable.  Not mentally or anything, just...emotionally.  If you're familiar with Donovan, that guy who used to apparently know her, you'll know that he's...going through a tough time right now.  And it's tough for Poe to have to hear that and not know how responsible she is for this happening.  I've been trying to console her some, but she's been...well, she's not taking it well.

But that was before we watched the tapes.  That was on Saturday.  Poe found out this morning.  As for what happened Saturday, Nee-chan came over for their weekly anime session, and since we couldn't really watch the tapes with her around, Poe convinced her to leave early.  We watched the tapes after that.  Wasn't in the mood to transcribe them that night, considering the contents, and today I've been busy just being there for Poe during her breakdown.  Also because I've been kind of dodging transcribing the tapes.  But I'm getting this one written out now and it is going to feel so good to put these tapes behind me.

Tape #5

Someone (later revealed to be a man probably in his late twenties) is holding a camera, their hand unsteady, their breathing quick and hurried.  The cameraman pans the camera around in perhaps the most dizzying way possible, scanning the horizon.  He lets out a sigh of relief, and turns around.  Nee-chan pops up into the frame.  Note: her hair is pink at this point, as opposed to the purple in other videos.

Nee-chan: Ooh, whatcha got there?  Is that a camera?  Neat!
The cameraman stumbles backwards with a yell, falling to the ground.  Nee-chan reaches down and grabs the camera from him.

N: Whatcha filming?  Mind if I borrow the camera?  Oh, this thing's actually pretty nice, desu! 

The cameraman stands, pulling out a switchblade, and charges Nee-chan. She idly sidesteps him as he charges.

N: You shouldn't be waving that around, you know.  You could get hurt.  I mean, your form's so clumsy!  And it's so short!  I mean, you've got a better chance of hurting yourself than of hurting me.

The man growls, undeterred, and charges again.

N: Oh, so you wanna play that badly, huh?  Okay, let's play!

She pulls out a knife of her own.  I didn't get a good look, since the camera was kind of jumpy this entire time, but I think it may have been a butterfly knife.  Anyway, I saw enough to see that, as they fought, the guy was at a clear disadvantage the whole time.  He didn't have the speed or skill Nee-chan does.  She was toying with him.  Like a cat with a mouse.  Laughing.  Having fun.  All this while holding a camera.  Finally, he screams, and when she turns the camera on him, he's dropped the knife and is clutching his wrist.

N: Yatta!  Wanna play again?  [The man attempts to stand and run.]  Hey, no running away now.  We're not done yet.

She runs after him and slices at his leg, and a bloodcurdling scream splits the night.  When the camera pulls back and comes into focus a bit more, it's revealed that the man has had his calves slashed, rendering him unable to run.

Man: [gasping through pain] You've got me.  Now what?  Just going to murder me in cold blood like the scum you are?
N: Why would you say that?  You attacked me first.

M: You work for a monster!

N: Yeah, I know!  He's so kawaii, isn't he?

M: I...wait, what?  You...think he's cool, or cute, or...whatever you said?  Look, I...I don't know how to break this to you, but...he's not.  He's a monster who wants nothing more than to kill everyone he can, and...look, you don't seem to understand.  He's just using you!

N: N-no he's not.  He's my friend.

M: [laughing through the pain] think he's your friend?  He doesn't care about you!  Maybe he pretends to, or maybe you've deluded yourself so that--


M: Face it--you've been suckered into doing whatever he wants you to.  Are you really that gullible to think that you're any better off than me for it?
N: I said, shut up!

Nee-chan appears to drop to her knees, and the camera falls to the ground.  It lands at an angle that sort of tilts up, revealing most of Nee-chan, but leaving the man out of sight on the ground.  She proceeds to take the knife and stab the man repeatedly, shouting incoherently, then dropping the knife and tearing apart his body with her bare hands.  I think.  They come away bloody, at it kind of looks like she's holding organs at some point, but I don't really want to think about it too hard.  After he's clearly taken enough damage to kill him, she collapses into tears and places her arms around what I'm assuming is his neck, throttling the corpse and sobbing.  This goes on for five whole minutes before she just sort of rolls off of him and collapses into a fetal position, grabbing the camera and shutting it off.

End Tape #5

And...those are the tapes.  Those are the five tapes.  And after watching them, I'm sure of only one thing: Nee-chan is absolutely batshit fucking insane.  I don't know why I was sent the tapes, and I don't know who sent them, or how whoever it is got their hands on them.  I'm just...really, really confused right now.  And to be honest, pretty damn paranoid.

I guess I'll keep you updated on the situation.  I really hope that some answers come through soon.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Bug Sweeping/Tape #4

First things first: I'm splitting the events of the past few days into two posts.  There's a few things to talk about, and I want to be able to breathe for a bit between transcriptions.  First half in this post, second half in the next one.

Well, I've checked the apartment.  I couldn't find any sort of bugs or cameras anywhere.  For some reason, whatever cameras that may have been installed have been removed.  Still hasn't stopped Poe from hanging up curtains all over her walls.  I'm tempted to do the same.

Anyway, Poe came up to me on Friday, asking to watch the tapes with me, and of course I agreed, since I'd been considering asking her myself, since she's kind of involved in this too, now.  Isn't that great?  We've got our own little psychotic home video movie night.  A shame we don't have any popcorn or milk duds lying around.

But yeah.  We watched the remaining two tapes.  Here's the transcript for the first.

Tape #4

Another hidden camera in another apartment.  This one's not our apartment though.  Pretty sure it's not even the same apartment building, and judging by the fact that her hair's still purple in this tape as opposed to pink, I don't think it's even in NYC.  Nee-chan storms into the room, slamming the door behind her.  Ulysses hears the noise and enters the room.  I guess that this either takes place before his death, or that his injuries, however lethal they looked, weren't fatal.

U: Whoa, whoa, Nee-chan.  Settle down.  What's going on?

Nee-chan ignores him, and starts furiously pacing around the apartment.

N: I'll kill her!  I'm going to kill the bitch!  [She picks up a lamp and throws it at the wall, shattering it, then grabs the couch and flips it over.]  Kill, kill, kill, rip out her fucking throat!

The conversation that follows is kind of hard to make out, since it's mostly Nee-chan screaming angry obscenities and Ulysses trying to calm her down.  She continues around the apartment, apparently trying to cause as much damage as she can.  Finally, Ulysses manages to restrain her, haul her into her room, and lock the door behind her, letting out a sigh of relief and muttering something that the microphone doesn't pick up.

There's a segment of tape missing where I don't know what happens, and it picks up in the bathroom (I'm definitely checking for bugs again) with Nee-chan standing at the sink, staring into the mirror.

N: Don't look at me like that.  I see how you're looking at me.  Think you're so much better than me.  Well you're not.  I'm better than you,'re stupid!  [Silence]  Yeah, you would say that, wouldn't you?  Always acting like you know better than me.  But you don't, so don't tell me how to live my life.  I'm doing fine on my own.  [Silence.  When she speaks again, she's more agitated.]  Shut up!  I said I don't need you, so just...just go away!  Leave me alone!  [Silence again.  She covers her ears.]  No!  No, no!  You're lying, I know you're lying, just quit lying!  I can see what you're doing, and you're just jealous.  I know that you don't like me anymore, so stop trying to make me think that he doesn't like me either!  It's not working!  [More silence.  She turns away from the mirror, wrapping her arms tighter around her head.]  Shut up!  I told you, just shut up!

At this, she turns around and starts screaming at the mirror, pounding on it with her fists.  Her hands start bleeding as the mirror cracks and breaks, but she just keeps pounding at it, sobbing and crying.  The tape cuts off suddenly during this.  Not sure why.  Probably just cropped the rest for some reason or another.

End Tape #4

We watched Tape #5 shortly after that.  I'll put up the transcript and explain what exactly's been going on this weekend later tonight.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Thursday, September 1, 2011

A talk with Screwtape/Tape #3

Screwtape showed up at my door today before I sat down to watch the third tape.  He had dropped by to pick up Poe for their excursion down to Starbucks (I think that's where they go) to work.  Of course, as I had assumed, he reads my blog (for those of you wondering who haven't seen the comments, Nee-chan's never read any blog but "Morningstar-sempai's"), and decided to have a brief chat with me.

"Messenger.  What a surprise.  I believe you've leveled an accusation against me that you'd like to discuss."

"What?  No, no, not an accusation.  Just a theory as to who left the tapes.  I'd have called you about it earlier, but I don't think I know your number."

"No," he said, "I do not believe we've exchanged them.  I hope you don't mind me keeping it that way.  I'd rather not end up with you calling me over things like this, or about one of the interviews you seem so fond of."

"So you'd decline an interview if I asked?" I asked him.  He raised an eyebrow.

"Did I ever say that, Messenger?"

"Okay...would you do an interview with me at some point?"

"No.  I would not," he said, clearly amused.  "Now, about this accusation."


"Either way, you have the wrong man, or woman as it may be.  I'm sure you don't believe that I snoop through my own roommate's personal effects, do you?  And honestly, what motivation would I have to spite you?"

"You did break a bird's neck in front of my roommate.  I'm just saying."

"And how is that an affront to you?  Unless I've made a grave mistake, I believe she wasn't even your roommate at the time.  Besides, I was merely demonstrating a point.  I've caused her no harm, have I?  Which reminds me."  He pushed past me into the room.  "I'm waiting, Raven," he called out.  "We're going to be running late as it is."  He turned to me.  "Look, Messenger...let me make one thing clear.  I know you demonize me because of that incident with the bird.  I see no reason for that.  And I know that you're going to be writing down this conversation, and since I don't see your little recorder in your hand, I'm guessing it's going to be from memory.  I already know--don't correct me, because I'm sure of this--that you'll be demonizing me in your post as well.  And if you want to do that, I have no way of stopping you.  But know this: no matter what you think of me, no matter how self-righteous you believe yourself to be compared to me, I did not leave you those tapes.  It would be senseless and accomplish nothing.  So please.  Do not try to pin this to me."

Poe came out shortly after that, and the two of them headed off.  That's when I watched the tape.

This one is...unexpected.  Well, not really, because I knew exactly what to expect,'s hard to explain.  I'll just post the transcript for you; there's not much there.

Tape #3

This one is actually an assortment/timelapse of clips.  Nee-chan is lying on a bed, cuddling her plushie.  She lies in the fetal position, unmoving in most of them.  In fact, the only difference in most of these clips is the timestamps.  She lies near-motionless--near-catatonic, even, for hours at a time.

There is a knock on a door, followed by a man's voice.

Voice: Nee-chan, are you okay?  [Silence]  Look, I'm...I'm leaving some food outside the door for you.  [More silence]  Nee-chan, can you say something?  Anything?  Just so I know that you're still alive?

Nee-chan: [quietly, but audible] Go away.

Voice:  [Silence] Okay.  I'm leaving the food out here if you want it.

There are a few more hours of silence and motionlessness.  At no point does she retrieve the food.  Finally, she turns onto her back and holds the plushie up above her.  

Nee-chan: I'm sorry, Slendy-kun.  I messed up, didn't I?  Gomen Nasai.  [Silence]  I'm sorry!  I tried!  It...I wasn't prepared enough, that's all!  [Silence.  When she speaks again, she grows more and more agitated]  Don't look at me like that!  I tried!  What all do you want?  I thought it would be a nice bonus!  It wasn't even what you wanted me specifically to do!  [Another silence]  No!  Shut up!  I'm not listening!  I tried and it's not my fault!  It was an accident!  [Brief silence]  Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!

At this point, she starts crying and she throws the plushie at the wall as hard as she can.  She pounds the bed with her fists as she sobs, and throws the plushie around the room a few more times, battering it some in the process.  Eventually, she just leaves it and collapses on the bed, sobbing, slowly pulling herself back into the fetal position.

End Tape #3

So, on to why exactly this is unnverving for you.  Some of you may have found this mildly familiar.  I sure as hell did.  You know why?  Because the guy who knocked on her door?  That was me.  That was in Nee-chan's room in my fucking apartment during the events of this post.  That is the room that Poe is staying in now.  And this wasn't just Nee-chan recording herself.  This was a hidden camera.

Let me reiterate.  There are cameras.  Hidden cameras.  Hidden fucking cameras in my fucking apartment.

I sort of stormed into Poe's room while she was out meeting with Screwtape to check.  Sorry, Poe, invasion of privacy, but I didn't want to bother you while you were working and that's the only angle I knew of for sure that had a hidden camera.  It wasn't there.  That was the only place I checked in Poe's room, but I did scour my room and the rest of the apartment for hidden cameras.  Couldn't find them, or even any evidence that there were, are, or ever have been hidden cameras installed in my apartment.  I'm going to see if I can find some bug-checking equipment, and I'm going to do that ASAP.  I haven't even attempted changing my clothes since watching this tape.

Who the hell is this guy?

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-