Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Interview with Muad'Dib

Just for the record, I feel like such a tool just writing that name.  Why the hell does anyone need an apostrophe in the middle of their name?
Anyway, I stopped by Muad'Dib (that's Glasses) and Zombie's (and that's Ginger's "name," apparently--what the hell is with these kids?) apartment.  Knocked on the door, Muad'Dib answered.

The guy's about...well, I'm not sure how old he is, exactly.  Younger than me.  25 would be a generous estimation.  At the very least, he's young enough that I'm not exactly comfortable with him flying Poe around.  I don't see how she can entrust her life with someone so young.  Anyway, he wears glasses (although I assumed you knew that, considering that I didn't exactly nickname him "Contacts"), is relatively short, and a bit on the pudgy side.  Nothing particularly remarkable about him, appearance-wise.  Must not be one of the types who dresses as a mask like Poe and Nee-chan do.

Messenger (M): So, hey, um... we kind of know each other.  Work together, and I was wondering...sorry, what's the name again?

Muad'Dib (D): Muad'Dib. Mu-Ah-Deeb. How can you forget that?

M:  [I declined to answer, because I felt he probably wouldn't take kindly to "because it's fucking retarded."] Right.  And how do you spell that?

D: M-u-a-d-apostrophething-d-i-b

M: You...spell your name with an apostrophe?

D: Yeah, all the cool kids are doing it.

M: Um...okay, then.  Uh...I'm over here because I was wondering if you'd be up for...a sort of interview, I guess.  It's a thing I kind of do.
D: Hell yeah.  Is it going to be on TV?

M: ...Do you see a video camera, kid?

D: But it could be hidden or something.

[I quickly realized that I was not looking forward to this one.]

M: It's's an audio recording.  I'm going to be posting it to my blog.  Does that make sense?

D: Oh. Ok. Kind of sucks it won't be on TV, though.

M: [I ignore that last idiotic statement] So, I guess I'll start with what exactly it is you do for The Boss.  You're a pilot, right?

D: Yep! A badass pilot, thank you very much.

M: What do you pilot, exactly?

D: A submarine.  I pilot a plane, you idiot.

M: I had assumed that much.  I wanted something a bit more specific.  Layman's terms, please.

D: Oh, okay.  Yeah, I've got this nice plane.  Small thing.  Only fits three or four passengers but it gets the job done.

M: Okay, then. And that helps us how exactly? [Of course, I've mentioned before that I guess I don't see how I help our cause either.]

D: Do you expect the numb to teleport? Or navigate airports? They've got to get around somehow. And sometimes, a plane is just more convenient than anything else.  Not many of us have cars.  I mean, you don't do you?

M: Okay, makes sense, but...the numb?

D: [He gives me a glare like I'm an idiot] Yeah. The numb. You know, the guys who have oatmeal instead of brains?

M: ...right.  Them.  I guess I've just never heard that term before.

D: Just wait. It'll catch on. 

M: Okay, question, I guess.  How long have you been working for The Boss?

D: Um... a year and a half I think?  I don't know. It all blurs after the first couple months or so.

M: Okay, and what's your story?  How'd you get involved in all this?

D: Well.... there was this girl named Emily. She was... well, you know those cute geeky girls? The ones that are really shy but smart and just.... [He trails off, zoning out.  Lost in thought, probably?]
M: ...Go on?

D: Oh. Well, she linked me to Marble Hornets one day. This was at like the very beginning mind you. And she seemed to like it, so I got really into it. Started obsessing and stuff.  Then strange stuff started happening, yada yada. Then the boss showed up and I'm all 'this is fricken badass. Wait till I tell Emily. [He pauses, suddenly losing his previous excitement.] Except... well, I never saw her again.  [A sigh] Shame. She dug the bad guys.

M: how'd you end up working for The Boss?  Like, were you a runner beforehand, what made you decide to come work for him, et cetera?

D: I didn't really try running. I would have sucked at it I think. The minute I realized it was all real I packed up my shit and asked to come along. I mean a real world villain, how cool is that?

M: being the villain?

D: Well yeah. Chicks love villains. [Something about this guy's logic and perception of fiction vs. reality makes me think that he and Nee-chan would be good for each other.  And absolutely terrible for everyone else.]

M: So you think of us as the bad guys.

D: Aren't we?

M: I...I dunno.  I guess it's just hard for me to tell at times.  So, uh, kid, have you ever killed anyone?  Or do you escape most of the dirty work, flying around like you do?

D; [To my relief, the look on his face was pure shock.  Let me know he wasn't completely insane.] What? No! I just fly the planes. I mean, there was this time that I was just a copilot and one of the numb had a violent episode and stabbed the guy flying, but that's the closest to death I've gotten.

M: It tough?

D: Flying planes?

M: No, death.  Watching someone kill a guy.  To be honest, I've never seen it yet firsthand.

M: Yeah. I shit my pants. And then I had to keep us all crashing while there was a dead guy and a crazy guy with a knife in the cockpit. Worst moment of my life, actually.

M:  I can imagine. So, uh...what's with the name?  Why'd you choose it?

D: What's with the name? What's with the name? It's Dune, dude. You've got to have read Dune.

M: I'm sorry, I guess I...I've never really heard of it.

D: Dude. I can't talk to you anymore.

M: I mean, I think I've maybe heard of it, but don't know much about it.

D: That's just... it's Dune.

M: Okay, okay, I get it.  You're named after a guy in Dune.  But still, doesn't explain the reasoning behind it.  Any particular reason for choosing the name?

D: ...It's badass? He's Badass. Muad'Dib, I mean. He's just... I just liked him. Does it have to have a deep meaning?

M: Well, apparently not.  Um...let's see.  Anything else you'd like to share?

D: I like Dr. Pepper. And Popcorn. And David Bowie totally sucked in Labyrinth I don't care what people say.  ...I think that's it.

M: Any regrets? Anything more relevant you'd like to share?

D: [He thinks for a bit] Not asking Emily out. Telling my parents I hated them before I ran off. know what, you don't have to know that one.

M: Fair enough.  There's things I'm not about to share with you, either. Well, thanks for your time, um...

D: Muad'Dib.  Seriously, man, it's not that hard to remember.  And sure.  Call me anytime, dude.

M: Muad'Dib, right. I' sure to call. [I won't.]

D: Yep, later.

So that's Muad'Dib.  Told him I'd have to visit back at some point to visit Zombie.  He doesn't think Zombie'd be up for an interview, but I'm still gonna try.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-


  1. ...Suddenly I feel secure in the knowledge that a bigger "tool" than I exists in the world. Bonus points for him living near Mr. Messenger.

    Am I the only one who might be a little disappointed if Zombie doesn't answer at least one of the questions in his interview with 'Braaaains'?
    Actually... now that I think about it, that would probably get old fast...

  2. Oh my god, some guy on the internet says you write like a tool (not even that you're a tool) and suddenly you decide that said guy's never going to live that down. Yes! There are bigger tools in the world than you! Is that what you want to fucking hear?

    Good lord, they do not pay me efuckingnough.

    -Don't Shoot The Messenger-

    1. Just poking a little fun, Mr. Messenger. I never had any intention of holding it over your head more than once. Cool your jets.

  3. I got about half way through before I realized there was too much stupidity to remember by the time I actually finished the post (which is impressive considering how short it is). So I'm just going to reread it and make a list of all the things that went wrong here:

    1. None of the "cool kids" spell their name with an apostrophe.

    2. He's being interviewed about how he helps a supernatural monster's severants of doom (actually, I like that term, you're now a servant of doom, Messenger, it sounds way more exciting than proxy)fly around the country and hunt, scare, and kill people. Does he really think it's going to be on television?

    3. "The Numb,"... yeah, that's not going to catch on.

    4. I really don't want to know what he was thinking about while he was lost in thought.

    5. He wants to be the villian, he actually said the word villian. I mean I understand and occasionally share the desire to do bad things, but actually using the word "villian," does he think life is a comic book or something?

    6. My faveroite quote form this post:
    Muad'Dib: "Does it have to have a deep meaning?"
    Messenger: "Well apperantly not."

    Okay, you're right, they don't pay you enough. I mean all the casual harrasment we give you is one thing, but after that interview I think you need a raise.

    I'm so greatful none of my interviews have gone that way.

    See you around

  4. They really don't pay you enough Messie.

    I'm really not liking this guy. The way he says numb is almost as if in a "don't care" kind of way.

    That and his perception of reality and actually encouragingly referring to himself and you all as "villain"

    Seriously, with names like this; It's like watching the original Morningstar's hijinx and gang.

    At least you're doing somewhat okay though. Hopefully the reason Zombie doesn't want to be interviewed is that he's a lot more saner.

  5. Hey, this guy sounds like fun. He's got a pretty nice job too.

  6. So, uh, Messenger. You seem to be in the know. For a new guy like myself who just recently gave in, well, I guess what I'm asking is What now?

    Christ I sound stupid.

    1. Okay. I know it's going to be tough. It's never easy. I can give you a bit of advice, though.

      Step one: ask me if I give a fuck.

      -Don't Shoot The Messenger-

      (Okay, okay, that's mean. But I'm really sorry, kid. I wish I could help, but I really just don't have the time or energy to shoulder everyone's burdens. I'd recommend someone else to go to for advice if I knew anyone. Sorry.

      Still doesn't mean I'm gonna start giving a fuck. By the way, the answer to that question was "no, in case you hadn't caught on.")

  7. Honestly, I was totally okay with this guy (though a little annoyed) until he said that David Bowie sucked in the Labyrinth.

    That's just bullshit.

  8. You've never read Dune?
    I cannot even look at this blog anymore. Ugh. The shock and the repulsion. What kind of world do we live in, where monsters like you can walk free?

    1. Dune Is that the movie with all the sand in it.

      (It was a pun sand dunes lol.) Yeah I've never read them