Interview with Zombie

Hey, everyone remember Muad'Dib?  You know, the pilot?  Remember his ginger roommate, Zombie?  Well, I decided to try to at least talk to him.  He ended up agreeing to an interview, interestingly enough.

Anyway, I knocked on their apartment door, and he answered.  He's a tall guy, a few years younger than me.  Really pale and really quiet, although I guess I'm not one to judge.

Messenger: Hey, uh...Zombie, right?  [He nodded, not saying anything]  Um...not sure we've actually met before.  I'm The Messenger.  Poe's roommate.  ...Don't know if you know Poe, either.

Zombie: I know her. How is she?

M: Uh...she's...she's doing okay.  Been better, but I think she's doing better than she has been recently.  Um...you mind if I come in for a bit?  [He nodded and let me in]  Uh...there's this thing I kind of like to do.  It's, um...sort of an interview.  I interviewed Muad'Dib the other day, and was wondering if you'd mind if I interviewed you.

Z: Why me?

M: Because.... [It was a good question, actually]  I don't know.  Why not?  I've interviewed everyone who's agreed to it.  Muad'Dib, Nee-chan, Poe...Caper....

Z: I see. I don't see why not then.

M...Thanks, I guess.  So it's Zombie, right?  What made you choose that name?

Z: I didn't. Muad'Dib did. My first name's Rob.

M: ...You let Muad'Dib choose your-- [My brain suddenly connected what exactly he just said]  Rob.  So Rob Zombie, then.  And you just...were okay with this.

Z: I couldn't think of a nickname of my own. Zombie works well enough.

M: All right, well, um...how long have you been involved in all this, Zombie?

Z: Seven months two weeks five days. If you want specifics.

M: That's...not even as long as me.  Huh.  Expected longer.  Anyway, how exactly did you get involved in the first place?

Z: It's complicated.

M: Uh...okay.  Care to elaborate just a bit more, or are you just gonna leave it at that?

Z: I was studying to become a doctor. My roommate was... I don't remember. A film major maybe? A teacher assigned some homework and he started getting a little odd.

M: I...think I see where this is going.  [He never elaborated or came back to it, but it was a Marble Hornets story, most likely.

Z: They recruited me. For my talents.

M: Okay, I guess that leads into my next question pretty well.  What are your talents?  What exactly is it you do?

Z: I like to think of myself as an interrogator.

M: Um...okay?  Not quite sure I follow.  What exactly do you mean by that?

Z: I'm a torturer.

[This...threw me for a bit, I'll admit.  Caught my off guard.  Pretty sure it showed on my face, and it took me a few seconds just to choke out the stupid response I did.]

M: ...Oh. [He just nodded once] That's, uh...oh.

Z: Do you have any more questions?

M: Um...against my better judgement, yes.  Um...why, exactly?

Z: Why what?

M: Uh...why exactly do you do it?  Torture?  I mean, it's...it can't be easy.  Unless it's fun for you, in which case, um....

Z: I don't really have a choice.

M: Can I ask why not?

[He'd been pretty calm and collected the entire time, not showing much emotion.  As soon as I asked him that, though, he started looking really uncomfortable and anxious, like he was about to have some sort of breakdown.  He looked down as he answered]

Z: They have my sister.

M:  [After a few seconds, I put my hand on his shoulder as a...gesture of comfort or something along those lines]  I know how you feel.  I'm here instead of my brother.

Z: Not to try to be difficult, but you hack computers don't you? Hardly the same as causing others pain. This is not what I studied to do.

M: What...what did you study to do, exactly?

Z: A doctor. I mentioned that already. I was quite good. Or so I've been told.

M: So...I'm guessing that you've...got a lot of regrets, huh?  Um...how do you deal with it?

Z: Muad'Dib helps. And I read a lot. Watch crime dramas. Take myself out of it as much as I can.

M: I guess it would help to have someone as optimistic as Muad'Dib around, yeah.  [silence] So, um...anything else you'd like to share?

Z: [Just like that, he was calm and collected again] What do you need to know?

M: Um...the only thing I can think of is asking for more details on your job and I'm...not particularly eager to dive more in-depth into that.

Z: [He nodded] Is Poe still using the ointment I gave her?

M: Um...I...don't know.  I haven't noticed one way or another, and this is the first I've heard about it.  What sort of ointment?

Z: For her cuts. She really can't run the risk or them getting infected.

M: [It didn't click until I was transcribing my recording that I hadn't known Poe had any cuts.]  Ah, right.  Um...he...doesn't send her to you, does he?  Screwtape?

Z: Those cuts are one of my specialties, though. And he doesn't leave the room like some of the others.  He must be learning from me.

M: The room?

Z: My room. When I work. Most people find it uncomfortable. Screwtape always watches.

M: [My hands balled up into fists at this point.  The bastard is...sick.  Disturbing]  Ah, right.  Um...thanks.  For the ointment and everything.  I'll make sure she uses it.  [he nodded] Well...thanks for talking with me.  I appreciate it.

[He nodded again, and I excused myself from the room.  Make of all that what you will.]

Interview with Muad'Dib

Just for the record, I feel like such a tool just writing that name.  Why the hell does anyone need an apostrophe in the middle of their name?
Anyway, I stopped by Muad'Dib (that's Glasses) and Zombie's (and that's Ginger's "name," apparently--what the hell is with these kids?) apartment.  Knocked on the door, Muad'Dib answered.

The guy's about...well, I'm not sure how old he is, exactly.  Younger than me.  25 would be a generous estimation.  At the very least, he's young enough that I'm not exactly comfortable with him flying Poe around.  I don't see how she can entrust her life with someone so young.  Anyway, he wears glasses (although I assumed you knew that, considering that I didn't exactly nickname him "Contacts"), is relatively short, and a bit on the pudgy side.  Nothing particularly remarkable about him, appearance-wise.  Must not be one of the types who dresses as a mask like Poe and Nee-chan do.

Messenger (M): So, hey, um... we kind of know each other.  Work together, and I was wondering...sorry, what's the name again?

Muad'Dib (D): Muad'Dib. Mu-Ah-Deeb. How can you forget that?

M:  [I declined to answer, because I felt he probably wouldn't take kindly to "because it's fucking retarded."] Right.  And how do you spell that?

D: M-u-a-d-apostrophething-d-i-b

M: You...spell your name with an apostrophe?

D: Yeah, all the cool kids are doing it.

M: Um...okay, then.  Uh...I'm over here because I was wondering if you'd be up for...a sort of interview, I guess.  It's a thing I kind of do.

D: Hell yeah.  Is it going to be on TV?

M: ...Do you see a video camera, kid?

D:  Well...no. But it could be hidden or something.

[I quickly realized that I was not looking forward to this one.]

M: It's just...it's an audio recording.  I'm going to be posting it to my blog.  Does that make sense?

D: Oh. Ok. Kind of sucks it won't be on TV, though.

M: [I ignore that last idiotic statement] So, I guess I'll start with what exactly it is you do for The Boss.  You're a pilot, right?

D: Yep! A badass pilot, thank you very much.

M: What do you pilot, exactly?

D: A submarine.  I pilot a plane, you idiot.

M: I had assumed that much.  I wanted something a bit more specific.  Layman's terms, please.

D: Oh, okay.  Yeah, I've got this nice plane.  Small thing.  Only fits three or four passengers but it gets the job done.

M: Okay, then. And that helps us how exactly? [Of course, I've mentioned before that I guess I don't see how I help our cause either.]

D: Do you expect the numb to teleport? Or navigate airports? They've got to get around somehow. And sometimes, a plane is just more convenient than anything else.  Not many of us have cars.  I mean, you don't do you?

M: Okay, makes sense, but...the numb?

D: [He gives me a glare like I'm an idiot] Yeah. The numb. You know, the guys who have oatmeal instead of brains?

M: ...right.  Them.  I guess I've just never heard that term before.

D: Just wait. It'll catch on. 

M: Okay, then...um...next question, I guess.  How long have you been working for The Boss?

D: Um... a year and a half I think?  I don't know. It all blurs after the first couple months or so.

M: Okay, and what's your story?  How'd you get involved in all this?

D: Well.... there was this girl named Emily. She was... well, you know those cute geeky girls? The ones that are really shy but smart and just.... [He trails off, zoning out.  Lost in thought, probably?]

M: ...Go on?

D: Oh. Well, she linked me to Marble Hornets one day. This was at like the very beginning mind you. And she seemed to like it, so I got really into it. Started obsessing and stuff.  Then strange stuff started happening, yada yada. Then the boss showed up and I'm all 'this is fricken badass. Wait till I tell Emily. [He pauses, suddenly losing his previous excitement.] Except... well, I never saw her again.  [A sigh] Shame. She dug the bad guys.

M: Okay...um...and how'd you end up working for The Boss?  Like, were you a runner beforehand, what made you decide to come work for him, et cetera?

D: I didn't really try running. I would have sucked at it I think. The minute I realized it was all real I packed up my shit and asked to come along. I mean a real world villain, how cool is that?

M: You...like being the villain?

D: Well yeah. Chicks love villains. [Something about this guy's logic and perception of fiction vs. reality makes me think that he and Nee-chan would be good for each other.  And absolutely terrible for everyone else.]

M: So you think of us as the bad guys.

D: Aren't we?

M: I...I dunno.  I guess it's just hard for me to tell at times.  So, uh, kid, have you ever killed anyone?  Or do you escape most of the dirty work, flying around like you do?

D; [To my relief, the look on his face was pure shock.  Let me know he wasn't completely insane.] What? No! I just fly the planes. I mean, there was this time that I was just a copilot and one of the numb had a violent episode and stabbed the guy flying, but that's the closest to death I've gotten.

M: It tough?

D: Flying planes?

M: No, death.  Watching someone kill a guy.  To be honest, I've never seen it yet firsthand.

M: Yeah. I shit my pants. And then I had to keep us all crashing while there was a dead guy and a crazy guy with a knife in the cockpit. Worst moment of my life, actually.

M:  I can imagine. So, uh...what's with the name?  Why'd you choose it?

D: What's with the name? What's with the name? It's Dune, dude. You've got to have read Dune.

M: I'm sorry, I guess I...I've never really heard of it.

D: Dude. I can't talk to you anymore.

M: I mean, I think I've maybe heard of it, but don't know much about it.

D: That's just... it's Dune.

M: Okay, okay, I get it.  You're named after a guy in Dune.  But still, doesn't explain the reasoning behind it.  Any particular reason for choosing the name?

D: ...It's badass? He's Badass. Muad'Dib, I mean. He's just... I just liked him. Does it have to have a deep meaning?

M: Well, apparently not.  Um...let's see.  Anything else you'd like to share?

D: I like Dr. Pepper. And Popcorn. And David Bowie totally sucked in Labyrinth I don't care what people say.  ...I think that's it.

M: Any regrets? Anything more relevant you'd like to share?

D: [He thinks for a bit] Not asking Emily out. Telling my parents I hated them before I ran off. Never...you know what, you don't have to know that one.

M: Fair enough.  There's things I'm not about to share with you, either. Well, thanks for your time, um...

D: Muad'Dib.  Seriously, man, it's not that hard to remember.  And sure.  Call me anytime, dude.

M: Muad'Dib, right. I'll...be sure to call. [I won't.]

D: Yep, later.



So that's Muad'Dib.  Told him I'd have to visit back at some point to visit Zombie.  He doesn't think Zombie'd be up for an interview, but I'm still gonna try.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

A Thanksgiving Gathering

Well, I think I can say that this has been the absolute worst Thanksgiving ever.


Before we start, let me say that I've got a lot to talk about.  This might be a bit belated or get split into multiple parts.

Jacob decided that he'd prepare us a Thanksgiving meal.  I don't know why the hell he thought it was a good idea, but he insisted, and hey, free food.  Not like we can usually afford to eat like kings.  I think I've lost about twenty pounds in the last half a year or however long it's been.

I think I would have preferred leftovers.  Wouldn't have been as good, but it would have been better than what we usually get and we wouldn't have had to socialize.  Getting about forty people with varying levels of sociopathy together (Around fifteen "agents" and twenty-five "hollowed" or "broken" or whatever you want to call them) is probably not a good idea.

Yeah, there's about forty of us that Jacob funds.  We all fit in the rich bastard's house pretty well.  Talked to a few people, and it sounds like half of the total funds go to this man named Eddie.  He's...I think the term he used was a "Caretaker."  Basically, he's responsible for overseeing the...the ones that can't take care of themselves.  I still never know what to call them.  Apparently, Eddie has a job similar to the one Andrew had.  I think he's probably the most "normal" of anyone I've met who's here of their own accord.  It's obviously hard on him, though.  He has very hard eyes.  That's the only way I know how to describe them.  Eyes that look like he's seen so much that nothing bothers him anymore, and if it does, he can't outwardly emote.  Things I'm thankful for, #1: my job isn't nearly as stressful as Eddie's.

Didn't get to talk to Eddie that much.  I only saw him for a few minutes with everyone else, then he went to a separate area of the house to keep an eye on the ones he's supposed to keep an eye on.  Visited him there for a few minutes to ask about his job, but it didn't last very long.  He kicked me out pretty quickly.  He didn't seem too happy I was there (even though I told him I was just curious about his job and his...charges, I guess), but I convinced him to give me his contact information.  Might go talk to him again later.  Don't think he likes me, but he seemed to want to talk to Poe some.  Curious as to how things were going.  She seemed more intent on avoiding him.

Anyway, that left about fourteen of us, plus Jacob and Eternity, sitting around and eating and...doing other Thanksgivingy stuff, I guess.  Eternity's not funded by Jacob (pretty sure he's on some higher level of funding) but showed up anyway for some reason.  Maybe we were the only group who had a Thanksgiving gathering, maybe he gets along well with Jacob, or maybe he just wants to fuck with me or something, but for whatever reason, he was there.  Gave me that same patronizing routine, so I tried to avoid him as much as I could.

Watched the game with some others for a while before eating.  Eternity and Theta both watch football, apparently.  Theta's kind of strange about it, though.  Just sits there and stares at the screen.  Doesn't talk.  Doesn't cheer.  I have no clue which team he was going for, or if he even had a preference.  Gave up on watching after finding out that Eternity's a Packers fan (wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing then that we were going for the same team), and decided to use the opportunity to talk to some other people more.  Besides, Poe refused to leave my side, and I have the feeling she wasn't exactly enjoying the game.

Glasses came up to me at one point.  Turns out he calls himself Muad'Dib (and I only know how to spell that incredibly stupid name because of Poe).  Anyway, Muad'Dib comes up and starts talking to me.  Says he recognizes me and that I'm a friend of Nee-chan's, right?  I can't really say that Nee-chan's a "friend," exactly, but I nod.  He starts sighing and talking about how cute she is and how lucky I am to be so close to her.  Asks if I think he has a chance.  I'm not sure this guy remembers the night he and Ginger had to pin her down (speaking of Ginger, didn't get the chance to talk to him at all and ask for his name.  He mostly stood off to the side the entire night, with what looked like a grimace on his face).  I reminded him of how unstable Nee-chan is, and how he should know that, having experienced it firsthand.  The kid must be a dumbass, because he looks at me and says this, verbatim:

"Well, yeah, but look at her.  I mean, she's probably all sorts of kinky.  She's gotta be a freak in bed."


I may be wrong, but something tells me neither of those kids has gotten laid in their life.

Muad'Dib started talking to Poe some then.  I caught a few things from their conversation.  Apparently the kid's a pilot (I'd ask why the hell we need a pilot, but then I'd have to ask why the hell we need a hacker), and he's flown Poe around when they need to do more hands-on field tracking.  Apparently she's got an assignment coming up soon.  Speaking of which, Poe, would have been nice if you had mentioned that earlier.  Or, you know, at all.  But anyway, Muad'Dib takes a deep breath and heads over to talk to Nee-chan.  Don't know how it went, because I didn't stick around, but I guess I also don't really care.  If he has a chance with her, good for him.

I talked to a few other people, but I didn't have enough time to hold any sort of meaningful conversation or gauge them before the meal started.  I have no clue how exactly Jacob figured out the seating, but I could tell he was being pretty deliberate.  He put Nee-chan between Poe and Screwtape, for example, probably to keep Poe and Screwtape fairly close, but separated in a way that doesn't require them to look at each other.  I ended up between Poe and Muad'Dib.  Clearly, Jacob had gone out of his way to try to avoid conflicts.

A shame that it didn't work.

We ate in silence for a while.  Everything was fine.  And then Jacob said something about how he was hoping this could be an experience to bring us all closer together and how he'd like it if we at least tried to talk to each other.  That's when things sort of went to hell.

There were a few murmurs of conversation.  Couldn't catch most of it, but it sounded relatively normal.  Then things exploded.  As great as Jacob is, he clearly doesn't spend enough time around us.  Getting us all together is one thing.  Getting us all together and forcing us into conversation is going a bit too far.  You absolutely cannot get people like us together and expect the conversation to be anywhere near healthy.  You know that uncle who always makes family gatherings awkward because he's vocal about views no one else in the family holds, or something along those lines?  Well, imagine a big family where everyone's that uncle.

Screwtape started talking to Poe, telling her how happy she must be to see Eddie again after all this time.  Eternity started asking me how Kyle was.  Nee-chan brought up Morningstar, and apparently opinions on this new guy and his predecessor are pretty mixed.

Jacob decided to remove all the knives from the table pretty quickly.

Anyway, the whole thing degenerated into shouting matches until Eternity stood up and yelled something about us being a family and that we should be simply enjoying each other's company.  You can't tell from the syntax I used, but he used second person plural, not first person plural.  Bastard made a big show about caring about how much we get along, but didn't even include himself as "one of us."

After that, everyone pretty much stopped talking and just ate.  Except for one couple (didn't get their names or anything), and they didn't even talk.  Just acted all flirty with each other.  Fun facts about eating: Theta's apparently a huge eater, Screwtape eats very simply (he apparently only drinks water, didn't eat anything particularly sweet, and didn't add any additional seasonings), Nee-chan's kind of a picky eater, and apparently Ginger's a vegetarian.  After we finished eating, we took off.  Some said goodbye to others, some thanked Jacob as they went.  Others (Theta was the one I remember, but there were a few others) just stood up and left the table without a word.  The whole thing was  just...really awkward, like no one really wanted to be there.  Easily worse than any family gathering I've been to.

Let's hope that I don't have another thanksgiving like this for a long time.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-