When I woke up this morning, I checked all the things I normally check online, including the blogs I follow.
This was waiting for me.
I went to check on Annabel and she was just sitting on her bed, completely unresponsive. She didn't respond to her name. I tried using Poe's name and she didn't respond to that either. So I called Zombie. I brought him in and had him look at her to try to fix whatever was wrong. And he took a few minutes and then looked at me. He looked defeated.
Z: I'm sorry, Messenger. She's gone.
M: What do you mean, "she's gone?" She's fine. She's going to recover. She recovered before, when Screwtape sent us Donovan's head. This isn't anywhere near as bad as that.
Z: It's not the same thing. It was a completely different reaction that time. She showed a lot of signs of an acute stress reaction. Shock. This is something different. I'm not sure what's going on exactly, but I don't think she's coming back from this one.
M: You're a doctor! You're supposed to know what's happening!
Z: I was studying to be a doctor, yes. But not a psychiatrist. I know how to mend bodies, not minds.
M: So you're just going to give up? Help her! Help her, dammit!
Z: Messenger--
M: Do something! Fucking help her!
[I kind of lost my head for a moment. I grabbed his shirt and jerked him around before he broke free of my grip.]
Z: Messenger! Listen to me! I can't do anything! I've seen what they're like when they're like this. It's too late for her. I'm really sorry. Believe me, I am. But you're just going to have to accept that she's gone. [He sighed and shook his head, and in that moment I noticed just how hard this was hitting him as well.] I'm calling Eddie. I'm sorry, Messenger. There's nothing we can do now.
[He gave Eddie a call then. Sat at the table afterwards, eyes closed, not doing anything. Thinking, probably. I sat with Annabel and held her. She didn't even seem to notice I was there. She was shaking slightly. Skin was a little clammy. All I could think of was how I couldn't lose her. I still don't think I'll lose her, but I have enough clarity now to admit that I might be in denial. Anyway, after a while, Eddie showed up. Zombie let him in and showed him to her room.]
E: I'll take it from here, Messenger. Go.
M: Eddie...look, I'm sorry....
E: I said go! This is in my hands now, and I want you out of here.
M: Let me help somehow!
E: You want to help? Then leave! This happened because you tried helping! I told you there would be consequences, Messenger. And now we're all feeling them. And Poe? She's feeling them the hardest.
M: Annabel....
E: She's not Annabel anymore! She's not even Poe anymore! Don't you get it, Messenger? You tampered in places you shouldn't have, and now, the closest thing she'll have to an identity is a designation number.
M: I'll...I'll come by to visit her. Every day. Anything to help.
E: No, Messenger, you won't, because you're not welcome anymore.
And he took her. He took Annabel. He took Poe.
And now I'm never allowed to see her again.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
Showing posts with label Eddie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eddie. Show all posts
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Eddie's Confrontation
I've been really busy lately spending time with Annabel and trying to help her through all this. It's difficult for her to remember things sometimes, and struggling to do so sometimes leaves her exhausted, so I've been sticking around and keeping an eye on her. Through all that, I've kind of neglected to visit Eddie and the Husks. I decided to change that yesterday. It was maybe a bad idea.
Eddie looked up at me as I entered.
E: Messenger! I've been wanting to talk to you.
M: Well, I'm here now.
E: Yeah. Look, Messenger--what the hell?
M: I know, I know, I'm sorry I haven't been here lately, but--
E: That's not what this is about. This is about Poe.
M: Annabel.
E: Poe. You'd be better off leaving her as Poe, Messenger, trust me. Do you have any clue what the hell you're doing?
M: She wants to be called Annabel, Eddie. And yes, I know what I'm doing. I'm bringing her back to how she used to be.
E: [He gave an exasperated sigh.] Messenger, no offense to you. I respect what you've done and what you're trying to do. But you're also the most thickheaded dumbass I've ever met. This isn't what she needs. It isn't what she wants.
M: She was the one who asked for it, not me.
E: Yes, but you pushed her and guided her towards it. And now, you're going to end up destroying her. I saw her latest post, Messenger.
M: So? If anything, it just shows how much progress she's made.
E: She's slipping, Messenger. Things are slipping through her fingers. Things she should know. She's confusing herself, and it's not healthy.
M: No offense, Eddie, but I know what I'm doing.
E: Messenger, you may have been spending time around her, but you don't know her worth shit. Donovan knew Annabel. He spent time around her and got to know her. Caper knew Poe. He's the one who helped her forge that identity in the first place. Hell, Screwtape knew her better than you! You saw the way he was able to get into her head. She doesn't need this, Messenger. Don't force it.
M: Trust me, Eddie, I'd love to have Caper and Donovan around to help. But they're gone. And don't tell me what she needs or doesn't need; you don't even know her.
E: [His voice started to rise, the hard look in his eyes becoming almost manic.] I don't know her? I don't know her? I was there when she first arrived, a broken, battered shell of a woman. I was there when Caper helped her reconstruct a personality as Poe. I've seen her struggling to hold on to Annabel and the pain it caused her, and I've seen what she had to give up to become Poe. I took care of her when she couldn't even take care of herself. I've fed her, clothed her, protected her, calmed her down, bathed her--which means I've, through no desire of my own, had to see her completely naked, and I know her well enough to know that's more than you've seen. All these broken souls have been like children to me, and I've done my best to provide for them as much as I can. And you have the nerve to tell me that I don't even know her?
M: Look, Eddie, I--
E: Out, Messenger. Get out. You're not welcome here until you've given your idiotic plan up.
M: Whatever. I'm out of here.
E: [Yelling after me as I leave] If you hurt her, Messenger, trust me, there will be consequences.
M: Fuck you, Eddie.
Eddie looked up at me as I entered.
E: Messenger! I've been wanting to talk to you.
M: Well, I'm here now.
E: Yeah. Look, Messenger--what the hell?
M: I know, I know, I'm sorry I haven't been here lately, but--
E: That's not what this is about. This is about Poe.
M: Annabel.
E: Poe. You'd be better off leaving her as Poe, Messenger, trust me. Do you have any clue what the hell you're doing?
M: She wants to be called Annabel, Eddie. And yes, I know what I'm doing. I'm bringing her back to how she used to be.
E: [He gave an exasperated sigh.] Messenger, no offense to you. I respect what you've done and what you're trying to do. But you're also the most thickheaded dumbass I've ever met. This isn't what she needs. It isn't what she wants.
M: She was the one who asked for it, not me.
E: Yes, but you pushed her and guided her towards it. And now, you're going to end up destroying her. I saw her latest post, Messenger.
M: So? If anything, it just shows how much progress she's made.
E: She's slipping, Messenger. Things are slipping through her fingers. Things she should know. She's confusing herself, and it's not healthy.
M: No offense, Eddie, but I know what I'm doing.
E: Messenger, you may have been spending time around her, but you don't know her worth shit. Donovan knew Annabel. He spent time around her and got to know her. Caper knew Poe. He's the one who helped her forge that identity in the first place. Hell, Screwtape knew her better than you! You saw the way he was able to get into her head. She doesn't need this, Messenger. Don't force it.
M: Trust me, Eddie, I'd love to have Caper and Donovan around to help. But they're gone. And don't tell me what she needs or doesn't need; you don't even know her.
E: [His voice started to rise, the hard look in his eyes becoming almost manic.] I don't know her? I don't know her? I was there when she first arrived, a broken, battered shell of a woman. I was there when Caper helped her reconstruct a personality as Poe. I've seen her struggling to hold on to Annabel and the pain it caused her, and I've seen what she had to give up to become Poe. I took care of her when she couldn't even take care of herself. I've fed her, clothed her, protected her, calmed her down, bathed her--which means I've, through no desire of my own, had to see her completely naked, and I know her well enough to know that's more than you've seen. All these broken souls have been like children to me, and I've done my best to provide for them as much as I can. And you have the nerve to tell me that I don't even know her?
M: Look, Eddie, I--
E: Out, Messenger. Get out. You're not welcome here until you've given your idiotic plan up.
M: Whatever. I'm out of here.
E: [Yelling after me as I leave] If you hurt her, Messenger, trust me, there will be consequences.
M: Fuck you, Eddie.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Interview with Eddie/Visiting the Husks
So one of the appointments I've had recently is visiting Eddie again and checking on the husks he takes care of. It's something that...well, I think it's important. I need to understand what Poe went through earlier. She refused to come along, of course. Too many bad memories. Anyway, an acquaintance was also in town, since she had some business with both Eddie and myself. I killed two birds with one stone by meeting up with her and both of us visiting Eddie.
I spoke with Eddie first. Talked to him earlier, so I just ran through the other questions I normally ask.
Messenger: So, Eddie, how long have you been...involved?
Eddie: In general, a year and a half. Here, thirteen months.
M: So you've been around a while, then.
E: Insanely long, considering what I do. Apparently we went through two Handlers that month before I started. [He grinned, though like everything he does, there was an uncomfortable intensity behind it, like he was putting too much effort into it] I must not be doing too bad, huh?
M: So how exactly did you get involved?
E: Kind of an unusual story, really. One of my best friends ended up on this side shortly after I got involved. We...stayed friends. Kept in contact. I heard plenty of horror stories from him about how conditions were, especially in regards to these people. Decided to join up for their sake. I just...I wasn't doing anything important otherwise.
M: Uh...sorry, that wasn't exactly what I was asking. I was asking how you got involved in general. That was my next question, though. But yeah, how did you...first get involved? Not with us, but with...Him.
E: Oh, sorry. That was...well, the same friend, actually. He heard about it somewhere on the internet. I don't remember where or when. But he told me about it. His obsession was annoying at first, and then kind of awkward or creepy before it turned into horrifying when it ended up being real.
M: So he got you dragged into this?
E: That's right.
M: Any resentment?
E: Not really. He didn't know it would happen. It's not like it was anything we had control over. That's why I chose this job. At least I had some sort of control over what was going on.
M: [I nodded] I think that's really all I wanted to ask. I got a lot of what I would have asked about last time I visited. [I turned, looking over at the husks. The acquaintance I had come with was sitting with them, distributing coloring books] Does that help them? Something like coloring?
E: I've actually tried in the past. Some it does. Most can't do more than scribble anyway. They tend to prefer notebooks quite a bit. No lines to get in the way. Some, though? Some like coloring. It helps. Means that they don't have to think. It's not an easy job. After all, even though they can all behave like a hivemind at times, they all have different needs. If you really want to help any of them, you need to find what their needs are. [He paused, giving a sigh] Caper was amazing at that. He'd pick up on small things that even I couldn't, using them and amplifying them to give them something they could use.
M: So he did something like that with Poe to bring her back, right?
E: Look, Messenger, there's something you need to understand. Caper never "brought Poe back." Poe and Annabel aren't really the same person. It'd be closer to say that Caper created Poe.
M: So what, Poe never existed before? He just made her up?
E: It's...not nearly that simple. Look, you played with Legos when you were a kid, right?
M: Yeah...?
E: And I know you've mentioned you have a little brother. Now, did you ever end up making something out of Legos that your brother destroyed, not realizing that you put a lot of effort into it? Or even end up dropping something yourself and having it shatter apart on you?
M: Yeah, it happened a few times. What are you getting at, Eddie?
E: Think of a person as...as a Lego model, I guess. Whenever they end up like this, they break. Destroyed. The pieces are all there, but they're scattered. They're not whole anymore. Now whenever one of those models that you worked so hard on broke, you tried to put it back together, didn't you?
M: Of course.
E: Right. But if it was a more complex model, and if you didn't have instructions for it, even if you made it yourself, there was a chance you couldn't get it back to how it was. Am I right?
M: I think I'm starting to see what you're getting at.
E: Caper is...trying to put these people back together. Annabel was a particular model. She got broken, and Caper tried to build something similar out of the pieces. Similar. Not the same.
M: So...is it still possible for Poe to become Annabel again?
E: Messenger, listen, I'm not sure that's a good idea. Even if something happens to someone like Poe, even if she can recover from being broken...well, I've heard of it happening once or twice, but Poe's the only one I've actually seen it happen to. And even then, it's not as simple as putting the right pieces in the right places. Some pieces don't fit and end up discarded. Sometimes new pieces get added on. I'm not sure she ever can be Annabel again. Look, I might be wrong. Annabel might still be in there somewhere, but if it's possible to pull her back to her old self, it's only barely.
M: [I nodded] So...is it dangerous?
E: I have no clue how I've lasted three months already, especially working alone. I've almost been killed at least once a week by this point. I guess I'm just lucky. [He grinned again, with that overintensity that made it a bit uncomfortable]. You could try your best with whatever you have on you to kill me, and you wouldn't be able to. I've relearned all those self-defense classes I took when I was younger pretty quickly. I'd have you disarmed and flat on your back before you knew what hit you.
M: I...will keep that in mind. Well, uh...thanks, Eddie. For answering these questions.
After that, I spent some time with the husks. I didn't say much. Just sat with them. Watched. Tried to picture Poe with them. What did she go through during that time? How hard was it for her to recover from it? And what about Caper? How did he learn how to connect with these people? I just sat and watched for a while while my acquaintance met with Eddie.
I'm going to have to go back there at some point. I owe that much to Poe. It's the least I can do to try to understand.
I spoke with Eddie first. Talked to him earlier, so I just ran through the other questions I normally ask.
Messenger: So, Eddie, how long have you been...involved?
Eddie: In general, a year and a half. Here, thirteen months.
M: So you've been around a while, then.
E: Insanely long, considering what I do. Apparently we went through two Handlers that month before I started. [He grinned, though like everything he does, there was an uncomfortable intensity behind it, like he was putting too much effort into it] I must not be doing too bad, huh?
M: So how exactly did you get involved?
E: Kind of an unusual story, really. One of my best friends ended up on this side shortly after I got involved. We...stayed friends. Kept in contact. I heard plenty of horror stories from him about how conditions were, especially in regards to these people. Decided to join up for their sake. I just...I wasn't doing anything important otherwise.
M: Uh...sorry, that wasn't exactly what I was asking. I was asking how you got involved in general. That was my next question, though. But yeah, how did you...first get involved? Not with us, but with...Him.
E: Oh, sorry. That was...well, the same friend, actually. He heard about it somewhere on the internet. I don't remember where or when. But he told me about it. His obsession was annoying at first, and then kind of awkward or creepy before it turned into horrifying when it ended up being real.
M: So he got you dragged into this?
E: That's right.
M: Any resentment?
E: Not really. He didn't know it would happen. It's not like it was anything we had control over. That's why I chose this job. At least I had some sort of control over what was going on.
M: [I nodded] I think that's really all I wanted to ask. I got a lot of what I would have asked about last time I visited. [I turned, looking over at the husks. The acquaintance I had come with was sitting with them, distributing coloring books] Does that help them? Something like coloring?
E: I've actually tried in the past. Some it does. Most can't do more than scribble anyway. They tend to prefer notebooks quite a bit. No lines to get in the way. Some, though? Some like coloring. It helps. Means that they don't have to think. It's not an easy job. After all, even though they can all behave like a hivemind at times, they all have different needs. If you really want to help any of them, you need to find what their needs are. [He paused, giving a sigh] Caper was amazing at that. He'd pick up on small things that even I couldn't, using them and amplifying them to give them something they could use.
M: So he did something like that with Poe to bring her back, right?
E: Look, Messenger, there's something you need to understand. Caper never "brought Poe back." Poe and Annabel aren't really the same person. It'd be closer to say that Caper created Poe.
M: So what, Poe never existed before? He just made her up?
E: It's...not nearly that simple. Look, you played with Legos when you were a kid, right?
M: Yeah...?
E: And I know you've mentioned you have a little brother. Now, did you ever end up making something out of Legos that your brother destroyed, not realizing that you put a lot of effort into it? Or even end up dropping something yourself and having it shatter apart on you?
M: Yeah, it happened a few times. What are you getting at, Eddie?
E: Think of a person as...as a Lego model, I guess. Whenever they end up like this, they break. Destroyed. The pieces are all there, but they're scattered. They're not whole anymore. Now whenever one of those models that you worked so hard on broke, you tried to put it back together, didn't you?
M: Of course.
E: Right. But if it was a more complex model, and if you didn't have instructions for it, even if you made it yourself, there was a chance you couldn't get it back to how it was. Am I right?
M: I think I'm starting to see what you're getting at.
E: Caper is...trying to put these people back together. Annabel was a particular model. She got broken, and Caper tried to build something similar out of the pieces. Similar. Not the same.
M: So...is it still possible for Poe to become Annabel again?
E: Messenger, listen, I'm not sure that's a good idea. Even if something happens to someone like Poe, even if she can recover from being broken...well, I've heard of it happening once or twice, but Poe's the only one I've actually seen it happen to. And even then, it's not as simple as putting the right pieces in the right places. Some pieces don't fit and end up discarded. Sometimes new pieces get added on. I'm not sure she ever can be Annabel again. Look, I might be wrong. Annabel might still be in there somewhere, but if it's possible to pull her back to her old self, it's only barely.
M: [I nodded] So...is it dangerous?
E: I have no clue how I've lasted three months already, especially working alone. I've almost been killed at least once a week by this point. I guess I'm just lucky. [He grinned again, with that overintensity that made it a bit uncomfortable]. You could try your best with whatever you have on you to kill me, and you wouldn't be able to. I've relearned all those self-defense classes I took when I was younger pretty quickly. I'd have you disarmed and flat on your back before you knew what hit you.
M: I...will keep that in mind. Well, uh...thanks, Eddie. For answering these questions.
After that, I spent some time with the husks. I didn't say much. Just sat with them. Watched. Tried to picture Poe with them. What did she go through during that time? How hard was it for her to recover from it? And what about Caper? How did he learn how to connect with these people? I just sat and watched for a while while my acquaintance met with Eddie.
I'm going to have to go back there at some point. I owe that much to Poe. It's the least I can do to try to understand.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Business
I updated that post about the dead people (I'm not going to link it, it's right on the blog, first post of the year) and the list the other day, even if I only got around to mentioning it now. Irritating, as always, especially because the idiots who feed me information haven't been feeding me enough (and sometimes the info is even flat-out wrong). So please, if any of you have, you know, first-hand information or can correctly identify a dead body so that the more incompetent of the Trackers in the field don't feed me bad or incomplete information, be my guest.
And if you even think of dropping off the radar by having one of your friends say "Oh, yeah, I identified the body, he/she's dead," then keep in mind that I'm in close contact with at least one dedicated Tracker and one dedicated Hunter, and so help me, if you feed me bad information, I will do everything within my power to make sure you start move straight up to the top of their lists.
Anyway, that's taken care of. On to a few future matters of business.
I got in touch with...that one kid, whatever his name was. Glasses. I'm going to be doing an interview with him soon. In addition, I have a few people I met with/will meet with, whose identities and times of meeting are temporarily being withheld and are, ultimately, unimportant. It's just business, and it's probably not even going to be worth mentioning. However, I do plan on meeting with Eddie again soon.
And on the non-business front, Screwtape is...not doing anything. I'm not even joking. Basically, he says he hasn't changed his methods before, and he's not going to suddenly do it now. I talked to Eternity about the situation, and he laughed me off with a "Honestly, Alan, what makes you think it even matters to me?" And then he said something about all three of us being replaceable. So I guess it's back to the drawing board. I know I've got the support of most of you, but obviously, I'm not going to be able to say anything about any of my plans.
So that's what you've got to look forward to: an interview with the Glasses guy (and maybe Ginger if he's around), and a meeting with Eddie and the husks.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
And if you even think of dropping off the radar by having one of your friends say "Oh, yeah, I identified the body, he/she's dead," then keep in mind that I'm in close contact with at least one dedicated Tracker and one dedicated Hunter, and so help me, if you feed me bad information, I will do everything within my power to make sure you start move straight up to the top of their lists.
Anyway, that's taken care of. On to a few future matters of business.
I got in touch with...that one kid, whatever his name was. Glasses. I'm going to be doing an interview with him soon. In addition, I have a few people I met with/will meet with, whose identities and times of meeting are temporarily being withheld and are, ultimately, unimportant. It's just business, and it's probably not even going to be worth mentioning. However, I do plan on meeting with Eddie again soon.
And on the non-business front, Screwtape is...not doing anything. I'm not even joking. Basically, he says he hasn't changed his methods before, and he's not going to suddenly do it now. I talked to Eternity about the situation, and he laughed me off with a "Honestly, Alan, what makes you think it even matters to me?" And then he said something about all three of us being replaceable. So I guess it's back to the drawing board. I know I've got the support of most of you, but obviously, I'm not going to be able to say anything about any of my plans.
So that's what you've got to look forward to: an interview with the Glasses guy (and maybe Ginger if he's around), and a meeting with Eddie and the husks.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Meeting Eddie
I went to visit Eddie today. You know, the guy who takes care of the husks (or whatever you want to call them--I'm going with husks for the sake of consistency).
Apparently he and the people he takes care of live in a warehouse. Something big enough to hold a couple dozen people, but not enough that they can live comfortably. Eddie's about the only person who actually owns anything other than some necessities.
He greeted me with a handshake, though it was all business with no real friendly intentions. Eddie is, like I mentioned in an earlier post, a man with a very hard-looking expression. Intense, focused.
He followed my gaze to the husks, who were milling around. "You really shouldn't stare," he said quietly. "I mean, it's not like they notice, and I understand why you're staring, but it just seems...well, rude to them, I guess. I can't ask you not to, of course, but it'd be nice if you could at least try to refrain from it."
I nodded. It was an understandable request. "I'll try. I'm largely here to understand, though, so I might have to at times. Less staring, more...observing. Studying. Trying to understand them."
He scoffed. "Like they're just animals in a zoo." He shook his head apologetically at my reaction to his response. "Sorry, not your fault. Sort of an involuntary response. Most people don't even show interest. I guess I'm a touchy about it because it's a bit too close to the truth for comfort." He nodded to the husks. "I mean, look at them. It's pretty obvious that they're something less than human. Not like they deserve to be treated like it, though."
He stopped, took a deep breath, and rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm just not used to company. Don't really know how to react. The only person who ever came by on a regular basis was Caper. Truth be told, I kind of miss him. He just sort of had a way with them." He looked down. "He managed to do what I never could."
"You're...talking about Poe?"
"Yeah, still stunned over that. Especially considering what Poe's like. These people have just...given up. Lost all reason to keep fighting. I think that's what a large part of the process of becoming like this is. He just takes away your will to fight. And I never would have expected Poe of all people to start fighting again."
I looked around a bit more. "Why do you call her Poe?" I asked him. "Wouldn't you have known her when she was Annabel?"
He shook his head. "She wasn't anyone when I knew her, Messenger. These people--they don't have names. Sure, maybe I knew that her name was Annabel Lee, but why would I call her that? She wouldn't answer to it. None of these people answer to their own names, and no one else gives them a name of their own. Do you know how I refer to them, Messenger? By a number. That's all they are to anyone other than me. They're nameless. Just given numbers, like cattle. Why bother keeping up with them all? They come and go so quickly, after all. Let's just give them a number so we don't have to learn the name of someone who'll just be gone next week."
His voice wavers with anger on that last part. A heavy silence hangs in the air for a few seconds.
"You...don't like your job," I say. He shoots me a look that makes me painfully aware of how obvious that last statement was. "I mean...most of the others seem to enjoy their jobs at least somewhat. You just really seem like...I don't know. Like you got the short stick. How do you deal with it?"
He shook his head slowly. "I don't, really. I'm on Uberman's sleep schedule because I can't afford any more sleep while watching all these guys. The pills help. Sometimes. It's a taxing job. Physically, because of the constant attention they require and the occasional need for self-defense. Emotionally, because just look at them. You can't work with shells of humans and stay emotionally balanced. That's what most of the pills are for."
"So why do you do all this, then?"
"Because no one else wants to. No one can. Would you help me out?" I hesitated, and he continued before I could answer. "Exactly. Clearly, you don't want to, and I can't make someone do something they don't want to. So it's just me."
"You really must hate The Boss, too."
He shook his head. "I don't know. One one hand, I know what he's doing isn't good. On the other hand, I don't know if he even knows what he's doing. He's not human, Messenger. We can't hold him to human morals or explain him through human means. But all those fucking runners? Them I hate. They're humans, and they're so ready to kill their own. Sure, they claim self-defense, but do you really need to kill someone to defend yourself against them? They just don't think of them as people anymore." He started shaking. "I've dressed and fed these people. I've looked them in the eye far too many times. Once is almost enough to crush your spirit." He pointed to a couple stack of notebooks sitting against the wall. "They filled all those just yesterday. None of it makes any sense. They just scrawl gibberish and sloppy pictures because they have nothing else to do. They don't know what to do with themselves so they just empty their minds into them. And I have to throw them out and burn them because there's nothing else to do with them."
I paused, wondering how exactly to make my next statement. "You seem...more normal than the others."
He scoffed. "None of us is 'normal,' Messenger. Not even you. If by 'normal' you mean 'less sociopathic,' well, maybe I am. But maybe I'm not. Trust me, if I had a button that could end humanity, I'd push it. This job turned me suicidal before the pills, and even now, every time I take them, I'm tempted to 'accidentally' overdose. You're living in a mad world, and it's time you admitted that. None of us is normal or sane anymore."
I shifted my weight around. "Hey, uh...thanks for talking to me, Eddie. I'd better get back soon, though. I'll...I'll try to visit now and then."
Eddie looked up at me. "You won't," he said. He didn't look angry or sad, just...resigned to the fact. "No one comes by just because they want to."
I let him know that I'd at least try before shaking his hand and leaving. I really would like to come back, too. I asked him about himself and what he does, but I really didn't get a lot of information about the husks themselves. Hopefully next time.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
Apparently he and the people he takes care of live in a warehouse. Something big enough to hold a couple dozen people, but not enough that they can live comfortably. Eddie's about the only person who actually owns anything other than some necessities.
He greeted me with a handshake, though it was all business with no real friendly intentions. Eddie is, like I mentioned in an earlier post, a man with a very hard-looking expression. Intense, focused.
He followed my gaze to the husks, who were milling around. "You really shouldn't stare," he said quietly. "I mean, it's not like they notice, and I understand why you're staring, but it just seems...well, rude to them, I guess. I can't ask you not to, of course, but it'd be nice if you could at least try to refrain from it."
I nodded. It was an understandable request. "I'll try. I'm largely here to understand, though, so I might have to at times. Less staring, more...observing. Studying. Trying to understand them."
He scoffed. "Like they're just animals in a zoo." He shook his head apologetically at my reaction to his response. "Sorry, not your fault. Sort of an involuntary response. Most people don't even show interest. I guess I'm a touchy about it because it's a bit too close to the truth for comfort." He nodded to the husks. "I mean, look at them. It's pretty obvious that they're something less than human. Not like they deserve to be treated like it, though."
He stopped, took a deep breath, and rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm just not used to company. Don't really know how to react. The only person who ever came by on a regular basis was Caper. Truth be told, I kind of miss him. He just sort of had a way with them." He looked down. "He managed to do what I never could."
"You're...talking about Poe?"
"Yeah, still stunned over that. Especially considering what Poe's like. These people have just...given up. Lost all reason to keep fighting. I think that's what a large part of the process of becoming like this is. He just takes away your will to fight. And I never would have expected Poe of all people to start fighting again."
I looked around a bit more. "Why do you call her Poe?" I asked him. "Wouldn't you have known her when she was Annabel?"
He shook his head. "She wasn't anyone when I knew her, Messenger. These people--they don't have names. Sure, maybe I knew that her name was Annabel Lee, but why would I call her that? She wouldn't answer to it. None of these people answer to their own names, and no one else gives them a name of their own. Do you know how I refer to them, Messenger? By a number. That's all they are to anyone other than me. They're nameless. Just given numbers, like cattle. Why bother keeping up with them all? They come and go so quickly, after all. Let's just give them a number so we don't have to learn the name of someone who'll just be gone next week."
His voice wavers with anger on that last part. A heavy silence hangs in the air for a few seconds.
"You...don't like your job," I say. He shoots me a look that makes me painfully aware of how obvious that last statement was. "I mean...most of the others seem to enjoy their jobs at least somewhat. You just really seem like...I don't know. Like you got the short stick. How do you deal with it?"
He shook his head slowly. "I don't, really. I'm on Uberman's sleep schedule because I can't afford any more sleep while watching all these guys. The pills help. Sometimes. It's a taxing job. Physically, because of the constant attention they require and the occasional need for self-defense. Emotionally, because just look at them. You can't work with shells of humans and stay emotionally balanced. That's what most of the pills are for."
"So why do you do all this, then?"
"Because no one else wants to. No one can. Would you help me out?" I hesitated, and he continued before I could answer. "Exactly. Clearly, you don't want to, and I can't make someone do something they don't want to. So it's just me."
"You really must hate The Boss, too."
He shook his head. "I don't know. One one hand, I know what he's doing isn't good. On the other hand, I don't know if he even knows what he's doing. He's not human, Messenger. We can't hold him to human morals or explain him through human means. But all those fucking runners? Them I hate. They're humans, and they're so ready to kill their own. Sure, they claim self-defense, but do you really need to kill someone to defend yourself against them? They just don't think of them as people anymore." He started shaking. "I've dressed and fed these people. I've looked them in the eye far too many times. Once is almost enough to crush your spirit." He pointed to a couple stack of notebooks sitting against the wall. "They filled all those just yesterday. None of it makes any sense. They just scrawl gibberish and sloppy pictures because they have nothing else to do. They don't know what to do with themselves so they just empty their minds into them. And I have to throw them out and burn them because there's nothing else to do with them."
I paused, wondering how exactly to make my next statement. "You seem...more normal than the others."
He scoffed. "None of us is 'normal,' Messenger. Not even you. If by 'normal' you mean 'less sociopathic,' well, maybe I am. But maybe I'm not. Trust me, if I had a button that could end humanity, I'd push it. This job turned me suicidal before the pills, and even now, every time I take them, I'm tempted to 'accidentally' overdose. You're living in a mad world, and it's time you admitted that. None of us is normal or sane anymore."
I shifted my weight around. "Hey, uh...thanks for talking to me, Eddie. I'd better get back soon, though. I'll...I'll try to visit now and then."
Eddie looked up at me. "You won't," he said. He didn't look angry or sad, just...resigned to the fact. "No one comes by just because they want to."
I let him know that I'd at least try before shaking his hand and leaving. I really would like to come back, too. I asked him about himself and what he does, but I really didn't get a lot of information about the husks themselves. Hopefully next time.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
Sunday, November 27, 2011
A Thanksgiving Gathering
Well, I think I can say that this has been the absolute worst Thanksgiving ever.
Before we start, let me say that I've got a lot to talk about. This might be a bit belated or get split into multiple parts.
Jacob decided that he'd prepare us a Thanksgiving meal. I don't know why the hell he thought it was a good idea, but he insisted, and hey, free food. Not like we can usually afford to eat like kings. I think I've lost about twenty pounds in the last half a year or however long it's been.
I think I would have preferred leftovers. Wouldn't have been as good, but it would have been better than what we usually get and we wouldn't have had to socialize. Getting about forty people with varying levels of sociopathy together (Around fifteen "agents" and twenty-five "hollowed" or "broken" or whatever you want to call them) is probably not a good idea.
Yeah, there's about forty of us that Jacob funds. We all fit in the rich bastard's house pretty well. Talked to a few people, and it sounds like half of the total funds go to this man named Eddie. He's...I think the term he used was a "Caretaker." Basically, he's responsible for overseeing the...the ones that can't take care of themselves. I still never know what to call them. Apparently, Eddie has a job similar to the one Andrew had. I think he's probably the most "normal" of anyone I've met who's here of their own accord. It's obviously hard on him, though. He has very hard eyes. That's the only way I know how to describe them. Eyes that look like he's seen so much that nothing bothers him anymore, and if it does, he can't outwardly emote. Things I'm thankful for, #1: my job isn't nearly as stressful as Eddie's.
Didn't get to talk to Eddie that much. I only saw him for a few minutes with everyone else, then he went to a separate area of the house to keep an eye on the ones he's supposed to keep an eye on. Visited him there for a few minutes to ask about his job, but it didn't last very long. He kicked me out pretty quickly. He didn't seem too happy I was there (even though I told him I was just curious about his job and his...charges, I guess), but I convinced him to give me his contact information. Might go talk to him again later. Don't think he likes me, but he seemed to want to talk to Poe some. Curious as to how things were going. She seemed more intent on avoiding him.
Anyway, that left about fourteen of us, plus Jacob and Eternity, sitting around and eating and...doing other Thanksgivingy stuff, I guess. Eternity's not funded by Jacob (pretty sure he's on some higher level of funding) but showed up anyway for some reason. Maybe we were the only group who had a Thanksgiving gathering, maybe he gets along well with Jacob, or maybe he just wants to fuck with me or something, but for whatever reason, he was there. Gave me that same patronizing routine, so I tried to avoid him as much as I could.
Watched the game with some others for a while before eating. Eternity and Theta both watch football, apparently. Theta's kind of strange about it, though. Just sits there and stares at the screen. Doesn't talk. Doesn't cheer. I have no clue which team he was going for, or if he even had a preference. Gave up on watching after finding out that Eternity's a Packers fan (wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing then that we were going for the same team), and decided to use the opportunity to talk to some other people more. Besides, Poe refused to leave my side, and I have the feeling she wasn't exactly enjoying the game.
Glasses came up to me at one point. Turns out he calls himself Muad'Dib (and I only know how to spell that incredibly stupid name because of Poe). Anyway, Muad'Dib comes up and starts talking to me. Says he recognizes me and that I'm a friend of Nee-chan's, right? I can't really say that Nee-chan's a "friend," exactly, but I nod. He starts sighing and talking about how cute she is and how lucky I am to be so close to her. Asks if I think he has a chance. I'm not sure this guy remembers the night he and Ginger had to pin her down (speaking of Ginger, didn't get the chance to talk to him at all and ask for his name. He mostly stood off to the side the entire night, with what looked like a grimace on his face). I reminded him of how unstable Nee-chan is, and how he should know that, having experienced it firsthand. The kid must be a dumbass, because he looks at me and says this, verbatim:
"Well, yeah, but look at her. I mean, she's probably all sorts of kinky. She's gotta be a freak in bed."
I may be wrong, but something tells me neither of those kids has gotten laid in their life.
Muad'Dib started talking to Poe some then. I caught a few things from their conversation. Apparently the kid's a pilot (I'd ask why the hell we need a pilot, but then I'd have to ask why the hell we need a hacker), and he's flown Poe around when they need to do more hands-on field tracking. Apparently she's got an assignment coming up soon. Speaking of which, Poe, would have been nice if you had mentioned that earlier. Or, you know, at all. But anyway, Muad'Dib takes a deep breath and heads over to talk to Nee-chan. Don't know how it went, because I didn't stick around, but I guess I also don't really care. If he has a chance with her, good for him.
I talked to a few other people, but I didn't have enough time to hold any sort of meaningful conversation or gauge them before the meal started. I have no clue how exactly Jacob figured out the seating, but I could tell he was being pretty deliberate. He put Nee-chan between Poe and Screwtape, for example, probably to keep Poe and Screwtape fairly close, but separated in a way that doesn't require them to look at each other. I ended up between Poe and Muad'Dib. Clearly, Jacob had gone out of his way to try to avoid conflicts.
A shame that it didn't work.
We ate in silence for a while. Everything was fine. And then Jacob said something about how he was hoping this could be an experience to bring us all closer together and how he'd like it if we at least tried to talk to each other. That's when things sort of went to hell.
There were a few murmurs of conversation. Couldn't catch most of it, but it sounded relatively normal. Then things exploded. As great as Jacob is, he clearly doesn't spend enough time around us. Getting us all together is one thing. Getting us all together and forcing us into conversation is going a bit too far. You absolutely cannot get people like us together and expect the conversation to be anywhere near healthy. You know that uncle who always makes family gatherings awkward because he's vocal about views no one else in the family holds, or something along those lines? Well, imagine a big family where everyone's that uncle.
Screwtape started talking to Poe, telling her how happy she must be to see Eddie again after all this time. Eternity started asking me how Kyle was. Nee-chan brought up Morningstar, and apparently opinions on this new guy and his predecessor are pretty mixed.
Jacob decided to remove all the knives from the table pretty quickly.
Anyway, the whole thing degenerated into shouting matches until Eternity stood up and yelled something about us being a family and that we should be simply enjoying each other's company. You can't tell from the syntax I used, but he used second person plural, not first person plural. Bastard made a big show about caring about how much we get along, but didn't even include himself as "one of us."
After that, everyone pretty much stopped talking and just ate. Except for one couple (didn't get their names or anything), and they didn't even talk. Just acted all flirty with each other. Fun facts about eating: Theta's apparently a huge eater, Screwtape eats very simply (he apparently only drinks water, didn't eat anything particularly sweet, and didn't add any additional seasonings), Nee-chan's kind of a picky eater, and apparently Ginger's a vegetarian. After we finished eating, we took off. Some said goodbye to others, some thanked Jacob as they went. Others (Theta was the one I remember, but there were a few others) just stood up and left the table without a word. The whole thing was just...really awkward, like no one really wanted to be there. Easily worse than any family gathering I've been to.
Let's hope that I don't have another thanksgiving like this for a long time.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
Before we start, let me say that I've got a lot to talk about. This might be a bit belated or get split into multiple parts.
Jacob decided that he'd prepare us a Thanksgiving meal. I don't know why the hell he thought it was a good idea, but he insisted, and hey, free food. Not like we can usually afford to eat like kings. I think I've lost about twenty pounds in the last half a year or however long it's been.
I think I would have preferred leftovers. Wouldn't have been as good, but it would have been better than what we usually get and we wouldn't have had to socialize. Getting about forty people with varying levels of sociopathy together (Around fifteen "agents" and twenty-five "hollowed" or "broken" or whatever you want to call them) is probably not a good idea.
Yeah, there's about forty of us that Jacob funds. We all fit in the rich bastard's house pretty well. Talked to a few people, and it sounds like half of the total funds go to this man named Eddie. He's...I think the term he used was a "Caretaker." Basically, he's responsible for overseeing the...the ones that can't take care of themselves. I still never know what to call them. Apparently, Eddie has a job similar to the one Andrew had. I think he's probably the most "normal" of anyone I've met who's here of their own accord. It's obviously hard on him, though. He has very hard eyes. That's the only way I know how to describe them. Eyes that look like he's seen so much that nothing bothers him anymore, and if it does, he can't outwardly emote. Things I'm thankful for, #1: my job isn't nearly as stressful as Eddie's.
Didn't get to talk to Eddie that much. I only saw him for a few minutes with everyone else, then he went to a separate area of the house to keep an eye on the ones he's supposed to keep an eye on. Visited him there for a few minutes to ask about his job, but it didn't last very long. He kicked me out pretty quickly. He didn't seem too happy I was there (even though I told him I was just curious about his job and his...charges, I guess), but I convinced him to give me his contact information. Might go talk to him again later. Don't think he likes me, but he seemed to want to talk to Poe some. Curious as to how things were going. She seemed more intent on avoiding him.
Anyway, that left about fourteen of us, plus Jacob and Eternity, sitting around and eating and...doing other Thanksgivingy stuff, I guess. Eternity's not funded by Jacob (pretty sure he's on some higher level of funding) but showed up anyway for some reason. Maybe we were the only group who had a Thanksgiving gathering, maybe he gets along well with Jacob, or maybe he just wants to fuck with me or something, but for whatever reason, he was there. Gave me that same patronizing routine, so I tried to avoid him as much as I could.
Watched the game with some others for a while before eating. Eternity and Theta both watch football, apparently. Theta's kind of strange about it, though. Just sits there and stares at the screen. Doesn't talk. Doesn't cheer. I have no clue which team he was going for, or if he even had a preference. Gave up on watching after finding out that Eternity's a Packers fan (wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing then that we were going for the same team), and decided to use the opportunity to talk to some other people more. Besides, Poe refused to leave my side, and I have the feeling she wasn't exactly enjoying the game.
Glasses came up to me at one point. Turns out he calls himself Muad'Dib (and I only know how to spell that incredibly stupid name because of Poe). Anyway, Muad'Dib comes up and starts talking to me. Says he recognizes me and that I'm a friend of Nee-chan's, right? I can't really say that Nee-chan's a "friend," exactly, but I nod. He starts sighing and talking about how cute she is and how lucky I am to be so close to her. Asks if I think he has a chance. I'm not sure this guy remembers the night he and Ginger had to pin her down (speaking of Ginger, didn't get the chance to talk to him at all and ask for his name. He mostly stood off to the side the entire night, with what looked like a grimace on his face). I reminded him of how unstable Nee-chan is, and how he should know that, having experienced it firsthand. The kid must be a dumbass, because he looks at me and says this, verbatim:
"Well, yeah, but look at her. I mean, she's probably all sorts of kinky. She's gotta be a freak in bed."
I may be wrong, but something tells me neither of those kids has gotten laid in their life.
Muad'Dib started talking to Poe some then. I caught a few things from their conversation. Apparently the kid's a pilot (I'd ask why the hell we need a pilot, but then I'd have to ask why the hell we need a hacker), and he's flown Poe around when they need to do more hands-on field tracking. Apparently she's got an assignment coming up soon. Speaking of which, Poe, would have been nice if you had mentioned that earlier. Or, you know, at all. But anyway, Muad'Dib takes a deep breath and heads over to talk to Nee-chan. Don't know how it went, because I didn't stick around, but I guess I also don't really care. If he has a chance with her, good for him.
I talked to a few other people, but I didn't have enough time to hold any sort of meaningful conversation or gauge them before the meal started. I have no clue how exactly Jacob figured out the seating, but I could tell he was being pretty deliberate. He put Nee-chan between Poe and Screwtape, for example, probably to keep Poe and Screwtape fairly close, but separated in a way that doesn't require them to look at each other. I ended up between Poe and Muad'Dib. Clearly, Jacob had gone out of his way to try to avoid conflicts.
A shame that it didn't work.
We ate in silence for a while. Everything was fine. And then Jacob said something about how he was hoping this could be an experience to bring us all closer together and how he'd like it if we at least tried to talk to each other. That's when things sort of went to hell.
There were a few murmurs of conversation. Couldn't catch most of it, but it sounded relatively normal. Then things exploded. As great as Jacob is, he clearly doesn't spend enough time around us. Getting us all together is one thing. Getting us all together and forcing us into conversation is going a bit too far. You absolutely cannot get people like us together and expect the conversation to be anywhere near healthy. You know that uncle who always makes family gatherings awkward because he's vocal about views no one else in the family holds, or something along those lines? Well, imagine a big family where everyone's that uncle.
Screwtape started talking to Poe, telling her how happy she must be to see Eddie again after all this time. Eternity started asking me how Kyle was. Nee-chan brought up Morningstar, and apparently opinions on this new guy and his predecessor are pretty mixed.
Jacob decided to remove all the knives from the table pretty quickly.
Anyway, the whole thing degenerated into shouting matches until Eternity stood up and yelled something about us being a family and that we should be simply enjoying each other's company. You can't tell from the syntax I used, but he used second person plural, not first person plural. Bastard made a big show about caring about how much we get along, but didn't even include himself as "one of us."
After that, everyone pretty much stopped talking and just ate. Except for one couple (didn't get their names or anything), and they didn't even talk. Just acted all flirty with each other. Fun facts about eating: Theta's apparently a huge eater, Screwtape eats very simply (he apparently only drinks water, didn't eat anything particularly sweet, and didn't add any additional seasonings), Nee-chan's kind of a picky eater, and apparently Ginger's a vegetarian. After we finished eating, we took off. Some said goodbye to others, some thanked Jacob as they went. Others (Theta was the one I remember, but there were a few others) just stood up and left the table without a word. The whole thing was just...really awkward, like no one really wanted to be there. Easily worse than any family gathering I've been to.
Let's hope that I don't have another thanksgiving like this for a long time.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-
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