Moment of Decision

I've done some thinking after Kyle's death.  I know that this is a crucial time.  Kyle was basically my only reason for being here.  All the people I care about who need me here?  They're all dead.  Gone.

I really have no reason to be here.

And I know what you're wondering.  You're wondering what I'm going to do now that my only reasons for being here have vanished.  Honestly, if I wanted to, I could take off and go on the run right this second.

But I'm staying.

I know.  Maybe not what you expected.  But I've been evaluating my options the past few days.  Kyle's gone.  Maybe the car crash was just an accident.  Maybe The Boss went back on his word and he's fully responsible for it.  But in the end, it doesn't really matter.  Kyle's dead, and the choice I make won't bring him back.  It's my choice, and his death shouldn't have an impact on it.

I'm involved with The Boss now, whether I like it or not.  I could run, yes.  But where would that get me?  I've said from day one that the position I'm in is safer.  Am I a selfish bastard because of it?  Maybe.  But nothing's stopping you from making the same choice.

I could run.  I could try to escape him.  I could take my chances.  Maybe I'd be running into the open arms of a welcoming family of bloggers.  But you know what?  I don't want that.  To be perfectly honest, I don't much care for any of you.  I'm in this for me, not for you.  I can shoulder my own burden.  I don't want you to shoulder it for me, because I know that you'd expect the same of me.  I don't want any of you dragging me down.  I don't want that obligation.  I don't want to have to shelter you and risk you bringing The Boss to my doorstep.  I don't want to donate funds or equipment to someone who might end up dying tomorrow.  And I sure as hell don't want charity from you.

So that's the answer.  That's my decision.  I'm staying.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Just got the news

Kyle's dead.

I just got the call.  My mother filled me on on what she knew.  He and some of his friends were working on a video series about The Boss.  I've talked about this before, a long time ago.  They wanted to get most of it done before they released it, because they had to learn video editing and whatnot, and they wanted to make sure it was good.  It was...they were filming the last bits of footage they needed when it happened.

Kyle and three of his friends were in a vehicle together.  There was...there was an accident.  No one survived.

He's dead.  Gone.  The brother I was protecting by getting involved in all of this in the first place.

Hyde is dead.
Caper is dead.
Schrödinger is dead.
Donovan is dead.
Rachael is dead.
Poe is dead.

And now Kyle is dead.

Everyone around me.  Everyone I cared about.  They're all dead.  All within a year.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Wrapping a few things up

Things have been...busy lately.  I haven't had much time to tie up the loose ends of a few things I'd like to tie up, and there are a few more threads dangling now that I should probably at least mention.

First of all, I'm back to work, hacking blogs and the like.  I've got a Report that's actually overdue, so I'll be getting that done today.  Basically, it's back to the grind.  I guess my 4th of July weekend early.  No fireworks for me this year.  Not like I want to see anything exploding after the last few days.

Secondly, apparently Poe has a blog now.  I'm not sure why exactly she started it, and I haven't gotten the chance to ask her, just because I haven't even seen her or talked to her since that night that Caper died.

And while I'm on that subject, Poe, I'm so terribly sorry.  I wasn't thinking when I wrote that thing about you being a cute drunk.  Forgive me.  You're attractive when you're not drunk too, and I think that that maybe sounds worse but what I meant was that it was just nice to see you smile and loosen up for once and that you really do act cute when you're drunk.  And I'm just digging myself into a deeper hole, but I hope you know what I mean.  Also, the comment about the beer goggles?  I'm stupid.  Ignore it.  I can't believe I said that.

And one more quick note: I looked back through the comments and...I think it was Hakeri Ryuu who called me Alan.  I'm...really not sure how to react to that.  I think I'd prefer id you didn't call me by my real name.

But anyway.  The big issues now.  First of all, Kyle.  He's stopped reading my blog, now that his curiosity's been satisfied.  Let me explain a bit more.  That story, naturally, was a bit dramatized and doesn't perfectly parallel actual events, though it's close enough that I feel like I can say it's true or accurate.  The little flaws were basically just so Kyle assumed I was telling a story.  Anyway, he's making a vlog about the Slender Man with his friends.  It's not up yet, because the project's still in the early stages, and they're apparently writing the story and filming it all before adding any sort of effects (most of them suck at video editing and want some practice) so that they can just sit back and release it all at leisure.  They all think it's still just some fun game.  I gave them that opportunity.  Kyle's protected, and everyone around him is also protected, just so he suspects nothing.  I know that The Boss may eventually break the deal, but he's stuck by his word so far.  Of course, all this means that I'm all still pretty new to this.  I started blogging less than a month before I joined, and before that, I had only seen Marble Hornets.  So I'm learning.  Hyde gave me summaries of a few major blogs and vlogs, since he'd been around for longer than I had, and that helped a lot.  But yeah, that's the story with Kyle and how exactly I got involved in all of this.  Happy?

And finally, reflections on Caper's death.  It's been hard, I won't lie.  He's been the best friend I've had here so far, and right when we started opening up to each other more, he went and died.  Well...he probably would have never opened up, because according to Poe, even she doesn't know his real story.  I guess we'll never know.  I can only imagine how hard this must be on Poe.  I mean, they were together for, what, half a year?  And they were always so close.  Like I said, until that night, I'd never seen Poe outside of Caper's presence.  I feel like I should go talk to her about it, but I feel like she'd take it the wrong way, especially after what I wrote yesterday.  If she needs to say something, I guess she'll say it on her blog.

But yeah.  I'd like to just use the rest of this post to take a moment of silence for Caper.  I'm sorry I didn't answer when it mattered, but I have one now: I don't think you're a bad person.  I wish I knew, but I really don't think that you are.


















Goodbye, Caper.  I'll miss you.

Well, back to the daily grind.  Maybe working will take my mind off of things.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Once Upon A Time

There was once a young man named Kyle.

Now, Kyle was a cheerful, easygoing boy.  He had a close circle of friends.  He came from a happy, close family.  And he maybe fought with his parents and older brother sometimes (doesn't everyone?), but he still loved them, and maintained a good relationship with all three.  Sure, he had some things to be stressed about, and like all people, there were days when he just couldn't take something and broke down crying, but no major life trauma.  His life was, all around, pretty good.  In fact, he got the kind of idyllic, happy life that most people these days rarely get.

Now, Kyle had a brother.  His name was Alan.  Alan and his little bro got along pretty well, and enjoyed spending time together.  And then, one weekend near the end of the school year when Alan came to visit Kyle for his birthday, the elder brother decided to show the birthday boy a neat little YouTube series that one of his roommates had contributed to Horror Movie Friday.

That series was called Marble Hornets.

Kyle enjoyed the series, even though horror wasn't really his genre of choice, and started looking into it.  He found more series starring the same mysterious beings.  He kept watching, kept reading, kept getting drawn deeper and deeper in.  The paranoia started getting to him.  He started hearing noises.  He started seeing things.  It starts small, and he tried to get over it, but the paranoia just got worse and worse.  The trees everywhere seemed to be watching him.  He kept feeling presences outside his windows.

And then he saw the one thing that he had been both expecting and dreading itself.

His brother could tell that something was wrong, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.  He sat down with Kyle and had a talk with him.  Kyle couldn't help but tell Alan everything.  After all, he trusted his brother.  Alan scoffed a bit, as he had only seen Marble Hornets a couple of times and thought of it as just a stupid video series, but he was still concerned for Kyle.  He told him to back off for a while, not to let it get to him.  He even let Kyle stay with him for a bit so that he could keep him company.  Kyle calmed down some.  Surely a change of scenery to get his mind off of all those stories would do him good.  And it did, to an extent.

But Kyle couldn't fight the paranoia completely.  And, as it turns out, it wasn't just paranoia.  The same thing that had stalked him back home was stalking him at his brother's house.

And Alan saw it himself.

The night after Kyle saw it at Alan's house, it showed up outside the window.  Kyle, asleep on the couch, was blissfully unaware.  Alan, however, saw it.  He opened the door and stepped outside.

"Hey," he said, hoping it would understand.  "Look, could...could you leave my brother alone?  He's a nice kid, and he really doesn't deserve any of this.  After all, I was the one who got him involved in this in the first place."  He felt kind of silly after saying it, as he realized how terribly lame and weak it sounded.  "Look," he tried again, "I hear that there are people who work for you.  People who do things so you don't have to get your hands dirty.  I'm a hacker, you know.  I can...get onto people's blogs and deliver messages or something.  Look, I don't care what it is you want.  I'll work for you, just as long as you leave Kyle and everyone around him alone."

The faceless man sort of tilted his head a bit.  Then, he reached out an arm to Alan, and what sounded like a thousand whispering voices filled his mind.  He couldn't understand anything they said, but he still somehow understood the intent: the faceless man accepted his offer.

Alan quickly headed inside, scribbled down a quick lie to let Kyle and his roommates what was going on, and followed his new boss into the night, terrified of an employer that, not half an hour ago, he had thought was fictitious.

Yeah, Kyle, you were right.  It's me.  Pretty good story, huh?  Enjoy it at all?  Now quit bothering me about it.  You don't have to read it anymore to figure it out since I know how much you hate the blogs.  You and your friends just go back to making your vlog.  All these other nice writers are waiting for me to continue my story to play their game.  You happy?  Now promise me you'll stop reading the blog and just leave me alone with this, okay?  I don't need you starting to comment and messing up my immersion.  No offense, of course.  You just tend to screw things like this up a bit, isn't that right, bro? ;)

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-