Monday, August 1, 2011

Meeting Maurice: A Story to Tell

As you probably know, Poe and I have been looking for Maurice.  He issued a challenge to me to find the bar he's at, and Poe managed to find it.  On Sunday, we went out to visit, and...we found Maurice.  I'm kind of wishing we hadn't at this point.

I expected that there'd be a few customers, but no one who'd get in the way of the interview.  But when we went inside, it was dark and deserted, save for the noise of a jukebox (they seriously still have those around?) and a girl--the girl described in this post--at the bar, polishing a glass.

Messenger: Doc around?  I was expecting to ask...screw it.  Um, look, I' to see Maurice.

[The girl puts the glass she's polishing down and gives us this really wide, kinda creepy grin.]

Girl: Maurice, huh?  Let me go get him.

[She went into the back, and after a bit, she came back around the front and bowed.  And then she said...look, just...just read it for yourself.]

Girl: Maurice, at your service.

[I was caught completely off guard by that.]

M:  ...No, seriously, where's Maurice?

[She doesn't answer the question.  She just starts laughing.  Really...energetically.  Near hysterically.  And then she moves her hands in front of her face.]

?: Hey, Messi, you don't wear a mask.  What do you take off when you sleep at night? How do you sleep without the mask to remove? I am Maurice. Maurice is who I am. 

[And then she moved her hands like some twisterd sort of peekaboo and made some sort of sound that I can only describe as "hochachachacha."  And then she starts shaking.  Also, something then occurs to me, but I don't make the right leap.]

M: ...but...Maurice isn't a...wait, unless you're not really...oh, God, please tell me I'm not embarrasing myself here.  [Note: I'll admit that I don't have a very good eye for things like this.]

?: [Raising an eyebrow] What are you saying?

M: Are you...I...I thought Maurice was a man.

?: Maurice is a man. The young Maurice was so handsome, he had a chiseled face, you know. A bit of stubble. He looked like a greek god, with his tan skin and dark hair... [She giggled and moved her hands in front of her face again.  When she moved them, her expression was blank.]  What do you want?

M: I...look, Maurice told me to find him here and...look, ma'am, there has to be some sort of mistake here.

?: And I'm telling you ya found me, Messenger, in all my glory. Here stands Maurice. Here I am. Now sit down and ask for a drink.

[She chuckles and leans forward, shaking, and starts whispering under her breath.  I've read Maurice's blog.  I recognize what she's saying.  It's barely audible, but I can make out "playthepartbethepartplaythepartbethepart," over and over again.  At this point my mind is starting to accept what she's telling me, and starting to figure out what she's not telling me, and I'm...a bit unnerved.  I sit down, mostly out of shock.]

M: I''ll just have some water....

[And then she stares right into my eyes.  Right into my fucking eyes.
?: my name is Rachael and I'm also Maurice and Brian now they were the actor's not me but I have to play their parts now I have to....

The interview went further than that.  It didn't stop there.  But Maurice...Rachel...whoever exactly I was talking to, she told me not to reveal any of the interview past there.  Thank god I don't have to type it all up.  I think that I'd maybe have to be just a little bit drunk just to get it all down.  It wasn't easy to hear.  I actually tried to leave at one point, just because I couldn't take anymore.  Poe stopped me.  She stood in front of the door, just looked at me, and said "You're staying.  We're listening to the whole thing."

And we did.

Oh, god, we did.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-


  1. Fucking hell... THAT is straight out of left fucking field.

  2. ...I will not sing "Dude Looks Like A Lady", I will not sing "Dude Looks Like A Lady", I will not sing "Dude Looks Like A Lady"...

  3. ...

    That's... a surprise. To say the least.

  4. And THAT'S a story that I would've done a delivery for.
    Christ. Would like to hear that one.

  5. Weird. I should go read back over Strike the Set.