Friday, October 7, 2011

A Summary of Events Thus Far

All right, I guess my blog's getting a bit long and it's exactly the most episodic thing out there.  I guess I should provide a CliffNotes version for those of you who didn't want to bother reading the actual assignment.

Hi.  Call me The Messenger (or Messi, for those of you who are too lazy to type the whole thing out--Messi, not Messy or Mess).  I work for someone I call The Boss.  You might know him by a variety of names.  The Slender Man seems to be the most standard.  I'm a 27-year-old hacker who acts, as you may expect, as a messenger.  I write up reports of the deceased and post them to their blogs.  I'm not going to bother linking you, but I've got a tag on the left side of the page for "Reports."  Feel free to click that to get an example of what I'm talking about.

Anyway, before you get all judgmental,  I'm working for The Boss for two reasons.  The first is that, simply put, it's safer.  Why run when I can get on his good side instead?  The second is that I'm kind of here in my brother Kyle's stead.  I asked him to, if I work for him, leave my brother and those around him alone.  I don't know why, but his answer so far seems to be "sure, why the hell not?"  So I'm doing this largely for my brother's sake.  He and his friends are writing and filming one of those vlog things, incidentally.  I actually think that they're just going through a few small rewrites now and are going to start shooting soon.  I give him maybe two more months before he loses interest.

Anyway, started working here, and I got to know some of the others who work for him.  The first guy I met (a guy calling himself Hyde) was also the first report I wrote up.  The first two I met who actually stayed alive long enough for me to get to know them were two partners called Caper and Poe.  Caper referred to himself and Poe as "Trackers," or people whose job it was to discern and monitor the locations of runners.  I got to know Caper fairly well.  He was the type of guy who you could never take seriously, probably because he never gave anyone the impression that he took anything seriously himself.  Poe, meanwhile, was this quiet and withdrawn girl always dressed in what she describes as "gothic lolita" clothing who always seemed to be trailing after Caper.

Around this time I started interviewing people just so I could figure out what exactly I had gotten myself into and why exactly I was one of the "bad guys."  Tried interviewing Caper a couple of times but never got a straight answer out of him.  Talked to a hollowed or hallowed or husk or whatever you guys call them calling himself William.  Several of them, actually.  They lost their identities so they tried taking on a collective one.  Interviewed a youth calling himself Alex.  Never really saw him after that, so I decided to check around.  Turns out he died a few months back.  No big ceremony surrounding his death or anything.  That's just the way things go around here.

Anyway, things really started getting hectic around here around the time Caper died.  He and Poe told me that he had just destroyed evidence that kept the Hunters (the people who finish the Trackers' jobs) from being able to locate her.  I later found out that he had actually also killed one of said Hunters, but I'll get to that when I get to that.

Poe didn't really know where else to go at that point, so she came over and we got drunk together to try to forget.  Because that's how adults handle their problems.  They turn to alcohol.  Started to get to know her for a bit.  Then she cut off all contact for a while to mourn.  Started up a blog of her own (linked in the sidebar on the left) as a coping mechanism.

We've got a guy funding us so that we have a place to live and don't starve to death.  His name's Jacob.  He's a stockbroker who decided that he could part with some of his money if the alternative was death threats from what he views as a cult.  He's actually also a really nice guy, in my opinion.  Anyway, he also deals with living and working arrangements.  He decided that I needed a roommate, and that Poe needed a new roommate/partner.  So I ended up rooming with an unstable Japan-obsessed teenage girl calling herself Nee-chan (who I later found out was a replacement for the Hunter Caper killed), and Poe ended up with a psychologically abusive fanatic called Screwtape.  Poe couldn't stand rooming with him, so we convinced Jacob to let her and Nee-chan trade rooms.  Now Nee-chan's living with Screwtape and Poe's living with me.  And I guess Poe and I have sort of started to develop a bit of an unofficial relationship or something?  I don't know, it's complicated.

Speaking of Poe.  Basically, Screwtape's kind of been harassing her, I guess?  There was this old boyfriend of hers or something named Donovan who found her after I interviewed her and he recognized her story.  And now he thinks that he needs to be playing the hero and should come and "save her."  So I should probably be keeping an eye on him.  I'm surrounded by enough crazy as is.  I don't need Don Juan adding to that.

Anyway, shortly after all that, I started getting these tapes from this unknown sender (I've dubbed him "Big Brother" for the sake of giving him a name) with some purpose I can't entirely figure out.  The tapes tend to show the more negative sides of my co-workers.  The first five were of Nee-chan in various stages of batshit fucking insane, the second two displayed Caper's murderous side (this is when and how I found out why exactly he was killed), and one showing Poe as...well, it showed me that she didn't exactly willingly sign up to work for The Boss.

And now I may finally see some closure to this, because Big Brother's wants to meet in person.  But before all that happens, I've got some work to do.  A lot of people died recently.  I've got three reports to write up (Maduin, Morningstar, and the Slender Man division of the PTC) and work is taking priority.

And now you're caught up with the present.  Congratulations.  Have a fucking cookie.

God I'm tired.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-


  1. Heh this must have been fun to write.

    Now how do I get my fucking cookie?

  2. Heh, despite the "side" you are on, I respect your work in the sense that the Runners and Fighters, it's important to remember those of us who have fallen in this war. My only advice: be on your guard. And by especially careful with your meeting with "Big Brother". I don't know why but something doesn't feel right about all of this.

  3. As long as you keep me up to date, don't really care what side you're on.
    PD: Killed a bunch of dudes that were trying to hunt me down yesterday. Do you so happen to know if your boss sent 4 of his minions behind a 14 year old?

  4. @The Anarchitect: Tell you what. Get in touch with me. If you can make it to NYC for an interview or something. If not that, I might be able to interview you through Skype or MSN or some other sort of messenger program (yes, har har har, let's all laugh at the fact that my alias is a real word). I'll get you a whole box of cookies. How's that sound, kid?

    @Raggedyman: Thank you for your very vague intuition. I'll be on my guard for something that doesn't feel right to some person on the internet.

    @Not: Yes, I know every single "minion" who works for The Boss and keep tabs whenever any of them decide to hunt down kids. Their names were Gamma, Nebula, Steinbeck, and Ralph. Gamma and Steinbeck were two of my best friends. Poor Nebula was only a week away from retirement. Although I've gotta thank you for killing Ralph. He was kind of a douche.

    No, you dumbass, why would I know if The Boss sent four people after a fourteen-year-old? And why the fuck would I care?

    -Don't Shoot The Messenger-

  5. wow.
    well, im sorry people seem to bug the shit out of you nuntius(latin for messenger)
    try to get some stress off your chest if you can.
    and if it makes you feel better(despite how little of a fuck you probably give) i dont quite care about "sides", and honestly, his worker or not your pretty fucking saint like compared to alot of these guys.


  6.'re response to me was quite justified. I just mention my intuitions out of concern. Sorry for bugging you.

  7. I've been debating telling you about this, but then I remembered I was a troll and so of course I should tell you. Your late pal Hyde seems to have an impersonator. An impersonator who managed to post on Hyde's original blog, even. The impersonator's blog is at

  8. I am aware, Ben, but thank you anyway. I've mostly been ignoring it and pretending it doesn't exist. Maybe it'll go away if I pretend it isn't there.

    -Don't Shoot The Messenger-

  9. Lovely, I spend four hours getting caught up with your blog and then I stumble on this little post. Oh well, I probably got a better idea of events this way anyhow.

    See you around