Interview with Nee-chan

Things have been more normal here lately.  Less awkward.  Poe and I are coexisting without any real problems.  We don't talk much.  Then again, we never talked much in the first place.  She's a quiet person, I've never been one for small talk, and I guess we're just leaving each other to our own devices.  She goes out to work with Screwtape about every other day, and if he's pulling anything like that raven stunt, she doesn't show it.  Her demeanor's about the same before and after they meet.  Then again, it'd be hard to tell.  She's still so quiet and gloomy all the time.  I really wish she'd smile again.

Nee-chan came over for a visit yesterday.  I thought it'd be good for her to spend time with Poe so that they could bond over anime or something.  I think that she needs someone she can talk to if she can get over this creepy obsession of hers (and after the interview I had with her later, my thoughts were only reinforced).  It's either anime or knives that's a good starting point with Nee, and I don't know many people obsessed with knives.  Plus, you know, the anime addiction is probably just a little bit healthier.  The two of them watched some show that was called...okay, to be honest, I have no fucking clue what it was called.  The title was all Japanesey, and if you tell me that a show's called "Dorichushi Mari Mari Hai" or something like that, I'm going to forget it within a minute.  Something about this girl with purple hair (why the fuck do anime characters have to have pink or blue or purple or green hair?) who keeps killing a guy with some sort of giant mace and then brings him back to life for some reason?  It don't know, they watched it in Japanese (because Nee refuses to watch it any other way, of course).  Also, I'm never going to be able to get that fucking theme song out of my head.  I don't understand a word of it, which somehow makes it worse.  But they watched it pretty much all day, and actually finished it.  Didn't take too long; it was apparently a pretty short show.  But that left plenty of time for me to do what I never got the chance to do earlier: interview Nee-chan.

Messenger: So, um, Nee-chan.  Is it okay if I interview you a bit?  Ask you about...well, I guess how you got involved in all of this?  A few other things?

Nee-chan:  [grinning]  Sure, Messenger-san!

M:  Okay, but just to warn you, this might get...uncomfortable at times.  If I ask you something you don't want to know, you...don't have to answer, I guess.  You okay?  [She nodded.]  Okay.  So.  Um...how long have you been...you know, working for The Boss?

N:  Who, Slendy-kun?  [laughter]  I don't work for him.  Slendy-kun's my friend.  I just help him out.  It's what friends do for each other.  [She held up crossed fingers.]  Nakama.

M: Okay...don't know what that means, but...right, anyway how long have you two...been friends, I guess?

N: Hmm...probably about a year.

M: And how did that start?

N: [shrug] I started reading about him, he showed up, and I couldn't see what the big fuss was about.  He just showed up and he was really nice.  And look!  [She held up her plushie and shoved it in my face.]  You can't tell me that he doesn't look totally kawaii! [Note: Thanks to Poe for explaining some of the things she says and for helping me with the spelling.]

M: Um...and...it doesn't bother you that he...you know, kills people?

N: You say that like they don't deserve to die.

M:  ...they...well, um....don't...they're still people, you know.  I mean, just to play devil's advocate, I'm sure that a lot of runners think that you deserve to die, too.

N: Then they're just like everyone else, desu.

[I decided that it'd maybe be a good time to try a different approach.  She'd said something earlier implying that The Boss was her only friend, she's got some sort of resentment towards people in general, and she feels some sort of resentment from people in general.]

M: Hey, uh, listen Nee-chan.  I was wondering about something.  What was your life like as a kid?

N: I don't remember too much.  We moved around a lot.  Mom was a teacher, and she taught at a lot of different places.

M: That must have been tough, moving around all the time.

N: [nod] Like I said, I don't remember much.  Just the moving.  We never stayed long enough for me to make any friends.

M: Did you ever find any?

N: [shakes head] By the time we finally settled on a place, everyone started telling me that I was a weirdo or a freak.  They didn't want to be friends with the new girl.  They bullied me, said that I was a baby for still watching cartoons [she got really mad when she said that--I remember one point when I called the shows she watched "cartoons" as well and she went on a huge rant about how I couldn't appreciate fine art and culture or some shit like that]...I never really made any friends.

M: Weren't your parents concerned about it?

N: [She suddenly got really sad and looked down.]  They weren't concerned about anything but their jobs.  Mom was always busy grading papers or preparing lessons and Dad wasn't even home half the time.

M: I'm...I'm sorry.  So...all that anime you watch. You started watching that when you were moving around constantly, right?  What about the knives?  When did you start getting...interested in knives? [Let it be known that I don't know how to phrase half of these questions.  I never really conversed with people this psychotic on a regular basis.]

N: Oh, when all those kids were being mean to me, I started to get into fights.  But they were all stronger than me.  And once I started fighting them, it didn't matter if I stopped or not.  They started fighting back.  I had to carry a knife for protection, and learn to use it to keep from getting beat up.  It was something to do.  [she gave a grin that really, really put me on edge.]  And guess what, Messenger-san!  No one beats me up anymore!

M: Um...right.  I...think that's about enough.  Thanks for talking with me.

N: Dou itashimathite, Messenger-san!  And domo arigatou! 



One more quick note: before she left, out of curiosity, I asked her what her name was.  Because it's obviously not Nee-chan.

"Erika Lyons," she told me after a while.  "But if you ever call me anything other than Nee-chan or Eri...."  And then she gave me an evil little grin and twirled the knife she was holding before leaving.

So...that's Nee-chan, I guess.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Meeting Maurice: A Story to Tell

As you probably know, Poe and I have been looking for Maurice.  He issued a challenge to me to find the bar he's at, and Poe managed to find it.  On Sunday, we went out to visit, and...we found Maurice.  I'm kind of wishing we hadn't at this point.

I expected that there'd be a few customers, but no one who'd get in the way of the interview.  But when we went inside, it was dark and deserted, save for the noise of a jukebox (they seriously still have those around?) and a girl--the girl described in this post--at the bar, polishing a glass.

Messenger:  Um...is Doc around?  I was expecting to ask...screw it.  Um, look, I'm...here to see Maurice.

[The girl puts the glass she's polishing down and gives us this really wide, kinda creepy grin.]

Girl: Maurice, huh?  Let me go get him.

[She went into the back, and after a bit, she came back around the front and bowed.  And then she said...look, just...just read it for yourself.]

Girl: Maurice, at your service.

[I was caught completely off guard by that.]

M:  ...No, seriously, where's Maurice?

[She doesn't answer the question.  She just starts laughing.  Really...energetically.  Near hysterically.  And then she moves her hands in front of her face.]

?: Hey, Messi, you don't wear a mask.  What do you take off when you sleep at night? How do you sleep without the mask to remove? I am Maurice. Maurice is who I am. 

[And then she moved her hands like some twisterd sort of peekaboo and made some sort of sound that I can only describe as "hochachachacha."  And then she starts shaking.  Also, something then occurs to me, but I don't make the right leap.]

M: ...but...Maurice isn't a...wait, unless you're not really...oh, God, please tell me I'm not embarrasing myself here.  [Note: I'll admit that I don't have a very good eye for things like this.]

?: [Raising an eyebrow] What are you saying?

M: Are you...I...I thought Maurice was a man.

?: Maurice is a man. The young Maurice was so handsome, he had a chiseled face, you know. A bit of stubble. He looked like a greek god, with his tan skin and dark hair... [She giggled and moved her hands in front of her face again.  When she moved them, her expression was blank.]  What do you want?

M: I...look, Maurice told me to find him here and...look, ma'am, there has to be some sort of mistake here.

?: And I'm telling you ya found me, Messenger, in all my glory. Here stands Maurice. Here I am. Now sit down and ask for a drink.

[She chuckles and leans forward, shaking, and starts whispering under her breath.  I've read Maurice's blog.  I recognize what she's saying.  It's barely audible, but I can make out "playthepartbethepartplaythepartbethepart," over and over again.  At this point my mind is starting to accept what she's telling me, and starting to figure out what she's not telling me, and I'm...a bit unnerved.  I sit down, mostly out of shock.]

M: I'll...um...I'll just have some water....

[And then she stares right into my eyes.  Right into my fucking eyes.
 
?: my name is Rachael and I'm also Maurice and Brian now they were the actor's not me but I have to play their parts now I have to....




The interview went further than that.  It didn't stop there.  But Maurice...Rachel...whoever exactly I was talking to, she told me not to reveal any of the interview past there.  Thank god I don't have to type it all up.  I think that I'd maybe have to be just a little bit drunk just to get it all down.  It wasn't easy to hear.  I actually tried to leave at one point, just because I couldn't take anymore.  Poe stopped me.  She stood in front of the door, just looked at me, and said "You're staying.  We're listening to the whole thing."

And we did.

Oh, god, we did.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Let it be known that I am an idiot

Some of you may have seen Poe's latest post (or "Poest," maybe...sorry, that wasn't funny), so you kind of get an idea of what's been going on.

I've been busy catching up on everything, since we've spent the last few days moving things around.  Fortunately, Nee-chan still had some of her things boxed up, and the room was set up for two instead of for one, so there was space to move Poe's things in. 

Nee-chan was not exactly happy about the decision, since she's convinced now that I don't like her.  But at least she's back to her annoyingly cheery self.  No matter how grating it can be, I prefer it to the moping.  Hopefully, she gets along okay with Screwtape, and just in case she doesn't, I've talked to Poe.  Poe mentioned that she's a fan of anime, and since Nee-chan is...well, quite clearly fan of anime, maybe the two can bond over it. 

Screwtape was also a bit unhappy, but I heard him mutter something about "probably for the best," and I could swear I heard an ominous "she'll live longer this way."  I believe that the two of them are going to be meeting at a Starbucks (probably the same one where I met Jacob) to work together.  Hopefully, things will work out okay.

Poe also told me that she was pretty sure she had figured out where the bar Maurice is at is located.  We're going to head down there this weekend and interview him.  He's got a story to tell, and I'm here to post it.  Expect something from that fairly soon.

Okay.  And now to sort of talk about what Poe and I discussed.  I feel like I'm stalling.  I probably am.  I'm still stalling by typing this so screw it, let's just get it out.

Basically, she was in contact with someone on your side and was emailing back and forth with zir.  Or "him," I guess.  No point in using a gender-neutral pronoun when Poe's already revealed the gender, but for her sake, I think I'll not reveal who he is.  Was.  And it was hard on her, especially after Caper's death.  I...was not exactly happy about it.  Found out that there was another extremely risky thing she did; won't go into that either because it's kind of incriminating and it's a personal thing for her and to be honest, you guys really don't need to know.  Basically, she's taking a lot of stupid risks that I don't want her to be taking, especially after Caper died for refusing to follow orders.

She's a bit upset with me, too.  She apparently doesn't like my "I'll throw you under a bus if I need to," attitude, even though I'm up front about it.  Let me make this clear now for your sake and hers: this is nothing personal.  It's all in the interest of self-preservation, and I'm letting you know now so that you can avoid making stupid mistakes like sending me wedding invitations in the first place.

Hopefully she understands my point of view.  I understand hers, but...I don't like it.  I see how she gets attached to people, and it's dangerous.  Every death of someone she's close to has been hard on her.  It's dangerous for her to get attached to anyone at this point.  So I told her not to get too close to anyone. She told me she wouldn't.  Didn't argue.  Didn't try to protest at all.  Just quietly nodded and said she wouldn't.  I told her...I told her that she shouldn't even get close to me.  It was incredibly hard to say.  It was even harder for me to hear her say, in that quiet voice, that she wouldn't.  That she wasn't already.

But it was for the best.  She can't risk getting close to someone again and then having them ripped away.  It's inevitable.  Everyone dies.  There's no escape from that once you're in.  Poe's going to go on keeping me at arm's length, and everything will be better that way.

That's what should have happened, at least.  The problem is...well, I already consider Poe a friend.  She's the person involved in this that I've known for the longest, and the one I get along with most easily.  And as a result of my mouth deciding that, fuck my brain, it's going to say something stupid, I muttered something about "At least one of us following my advice."

It was stupid.  I never should have said that.  I should have tried to distance myself.  But she heard it, and after a silence, she told me that she had lied.  She's too attached to me already to do the same.  I guess we're a fine pair of idiots, aren't we?  But wait.  It gets better.

I kind of think I like her.  It's...I don't know why exactly.  I guess it's a combination of our shared experiences and the fact that it feels like we're really all each other have right now.  I think it's also because, even though I was drunk that one night, I got to see her smile.  I had never seen her smile before, and I haven't seen her smile since.  But knowing that, underneath all of that gloom, she can actually be happy...it suddenly made everything better.  I want her to be able to smile again, and I want to be able to see it.

And I told her, and now everything's awkward, and I'm an idiot.  Wonderful.  This is...just wonderful.

At least with Nee-chan, things weren't so awkward.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Another Knock

It seems that every time someone knocks on my door, my life gets shaken up a bit more.  And now, it's happened again.

In the middle of the night (or rather, the morning), I was woken up again by a rap on my door.  It was Poe.  Now, let me explain something for a moment here: I haven't been talking to Poe much recently.  I've assumed that she wanted a bit of time alone to mourn Caper's death.  She ended up getting a new partner who's kind of...not the most pleasant guy, and I've really been worried for her, but I assumed that if she wanted to talk to me, she'd let me know.

Well, last night, she did.  She showed up at my door, sobbing.  Asked if she could come in.  I nodded and opened the door for her, and she just stood in the middle of the room for a while, not saying anything, just kind of...stunned.  Not sitting, not moving, just...standing there.  And then she started to try to speak, and through the tears, it was all just this incoherent babbling that I couldn't understand a word of.  I led her to the couch and sat down with her, and she started to calm down some.  "I'm sorry," she finally said.  "Can I stay here tonight?  I...I just don't want to be alone anymore."

Naturally, I couldn't just turn her down.  So I told her to let me grab a blanket and pillow for the couch so she could take the bed.  She didn't actually want to take the bed at first, but I insisted.  I mean, she's been under such stress lately.  She needs a good night's sleep more than anyone, and she didn't need to be spending the night tossing and turning on the sleeper couch.  After a bit of convincing, she finally gave.

So there I am, sleeping on the couch, just about asleep, when I feel the bed give under me as someone climbs onto it on the other side.  A second later, I feel a back pressed against mine.  "I thought I told you to take the bed," I told her.  All she said was "Sorry."  She didn't move, didn't say anything else the rest of the night.  Just said "sorry" and then stayed there.

I woke up before she did.  Got ready to greet the day.  Probably would have made her breakfast of some sort to cheer her up if I had the skill to cook anything more complex than ramen.  I did have some oatmeal, though, so I was at least able to provide a hot breakfast.  Anyway, I showed her the post about Jacob and told her that we could probably work on convincing him to let her change roommates.  We're working through that now.  Don't know yet if I'm going to end up with Screwtape or Poe, but Poe keeps saying that she'd probably feel more comfortable around me than Nee-chan, so let's hope things work out that way.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

What happened/Update on Nee-chan

Okay, so, apparently some friend of the person who writes Take the Myth got married and for some reason, he thought it would be a good idea to send me an invitation.  Why the hell he would do that, I don't know.  For one thing, I don't even know him.  In fact, the name "Cam" is androgynous enough that I assumed he was female until I actually read that post I linked and went "wait, homophobia?"  I don't know the guy at all.  I saw the message, went "who the hell are these people and why are they inviting me to their wedding" and just shrugged it off.

Which brings me to the next point.  You'll find this a bit ironic, but despite being a hacker, I generally don't log in and out of my accounts or lock my computer or anything.  This comes from always using my personal computer all the time and never having to share with anyone else.  This was before I lived with Nee-chan.  Apparently, while I was away, she decided that since she doesn't have her own computer, she'd use mine to read "Morningstar-sempai's" blog.  And apparently I left my e-mail tab up and she had seen a wedding invitation and got curious and clicked on it.  Her mind make the jump that mine didn't, and she decided that she'd go and help The Boss out a bit with an impromptu assignment.  Also, she apparently did ask me about it at one point, but I was distracted and wasn't listening (I normally just try to tune her out).  I apparently said that I wasn't going because I had no clue who they were, which is completely true.

But yeah, it's my fault that she found out, and things didn't click until just now.  I'm sorry that your wedding didn't go as planned.  But let me just say now that I'm not going to apologize for screwing up.  I screwed up and I shouldn't have screwed up.  But what I actually should have done was let Poe or some other tracker know what was going on, because it was holding back information that got Caper killed and, if I may be perfectly frank, if you're going to hand the enemy your location at a certain time, as well as state that multiple people The Boss wants dead are going to be there, you are a fucking idiot and fully deserve everything that happened.  Are you people forgetting that we're not exactly on the same side?  Because we're not.  Seriously.  I've got nothing against you guys, but if it's you or me, I'm probably going to be throwing you under the bus.  I don't know any of you well enough to give up my life for you.  Just putting that out there so we're all on the same page.

But let me try to explain what happened the best I can (from what I can understand...I wasn't exactly there myself).  Nee-chan showed up at the wedding, some guy called Konaa stabbed her (though she apparently got him back), and she ended up coming home before she got herself killed (since she had lost the element of surprise and military men had guns trained on her).  And apparently Morningstar was there too, but I have no clue how he found out.  You can't blame that one for that one.  Short explanation?  Yeah.  If you prefer your wedding battles more dramatized, go read that post from Take the Myth I linked earlier.  I think she mentions who all was there.  They're more qualified to talk about it than I am.  All I needed was the basics.

And now I'm sure that all of you (or more likely, none of you) want to know how Nee-chan is doing.  Well, she sort of didn't come out of her room all of Friday.  I knocked on her door, asked her if she needed something to eat, but she didn't even say anything.  Today, though, she finally came out of her room.  Eyes red, like she had been crying.  Just came out of her room with that plushie of The Boss and some sort of case in her arms, and sat down at the table.  That's when I noticed that the head and one of the tentacles had been ripped off.  She opened up the case, which was full of sewing stuff, and just silently started sewing them back on.  She finished up, left all the thread and stuff on the table, weakly smiled a bit as she held the plushie up and tested her repairs, and then just curled up on the couch with it, tucking herself into the fetal position.  Not sleeping, just staring off into space.

I looked back at her every now and then for a while before I finally decided that yeah, I'd probably have to try to talk to her.  I grabbed a chair from the table and sat down near the couch.

"So," I asked her, "what happened?"

She closed her eyes.  "I don't want to talk about it."

"C'mon, Nee-chan," I told her.  "You have to face this sooner or later.  You can't just lay around in a funk for another day.  Talk it out with me.  It'll make you feel better."

She exhaled, and then turned onto her back, holding up the plushie and staring at it.  "Messenger-san, have you ever let any of your friends down?"

"Of course.  Who hasn't?"

"But really, really let them down?  Like...they were counting on you to do something for them and they put all their trust in you to do it, and even though you tried, even though you wanted to do everything you could for them, and you still ended up letting them down because you messed up...you know how bad that feels, right?"

"Um...I guess.  I can't remember a specific time, but I can imagine that it'd feel pretty bad."

She didn't look at me.  Just kept staring at the plushie.  "And what if the person you let down was your only real friend?"  She hugged the plushie to her and murmured something like "Gomana sigh, Slendy-kun."

...how do you react to something like that?  To someone who tells you that the closest thing to a "real friend" that she has is a suited, tentacled, faceless thing that goes around killing people?  I mean, I can see why she might irritate people (and see it pretty damn clearly, as well), but she's not completely unlikable, is she?  She has to have had at least a few friends in her lifetime, hasn't she?

Anyway, I told her that The Boss probably wasn't mad, and that he knew that she tried.  She said she knew, but that it didn't make her feel much better.  Still, it seemed to reassure her hearing it from someone other than me.  I stopped talking to her after that, but about half an hour later, she started walking around some.  She wasn't done pouting, but she came and told me her side of the story and explained again how exactly she found out about the wedding.  She's not back to her normal overly-cheerful self, but at least she's not going comatose anymore.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

What the hell just happened?

Nee-chan just burst into the apartment not too long ago.  She threw the door open, staggered into the room clutching her shoulder (which was pretty bloody), immediately headed over to the medicine cabinet, and pulled the first aid kit out (knocking half the things on the counter to the ground in the process).  She then stripped her shirt off and started patching herself up, and I got a glance at the wound.  It was pretty bad.  She looked like she had been stabbed.

But that doesn't surprise me that much.  What surprised me was her attitude.  Every single time I've seen her, she's been bright and cheery.  She's got a higher pain tolerance than me, and considering what she does, I assume she's used to wounds like that (she patched herself up pretty quickly, so she's obviously got experience doing that).  But the entire time, she was crying.  Choking back sobs, muttering something like "bokka" under her breath over and over.  Didn't say a word to me, didn't even look at me...didn't even respond when I asked her what had happened.  She just came in, bandaged her wounds, and then locked herself in her room.

Seriously, what happened tonight that set her off like that?

Eh, either way, I'll try talking to her tomorrow.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-

Meeting Jacob

First of all, I probably won't be writing up a report of the Operation Wintergreen events.  People are dead, there's a perfectly good blog there that explains it all fine.  You don't need me to basically tell you what they've already told you, and if you do, then...I dunno, you've got weird dependency issues or something that you should maybe talk to a shrink about.  I've been busy.  Sue me.  We've had to work on rearranging the entire apartment, since it wasn't set up for two people before, and my job description isn't "tell people what they should already know."

But anyway, this isn't about that.  This is about Jacob.  Our benefactor.  The guy responsible for our paychecks.  And at the same time, the person I know next to nothing about.  Well, "knew" I guess.  Past tense.  Because I've actually met him now.

We met at a Starbucks, as we had arranged.  As I entered, a man turned around and smiled, waving me over to the booth he was sitting at.  Jacob.  I sat down across from him to get my first good look at him.

He was...well, he was not what I expected.  He looked young, at least physically.  I don't swing that way, and even I could tell that he was pretty handsome as well.  Around as old as me, maybe a bit older.  He had this...how do I describe it?  It was a gentle (serene?  calm?) sort of face.  Eyes were an unusually pale blue, neat blonde hair, clean-shaven...like I said, young-looking.  Wore a tan long-sleeved dress shirt with jeans.  Looked pretty sharp and well-groomed overall, which made me feel a bit bad for showing up in just jeans and a t-shirt, unshaved, with hair in need of a trim.

He started talking, and he seemed...cheerful.  Pleasant.  And not in the creepy way, either, just...a happy guy.  Quiet, unassuming...wise, maybe?  I don't know.  He couldn't have been much older than me, but he felt like a father in some ways.

Jacob: Ah, The Messenger, is it?  Can I just call you Messenger for short?

Messenger: You can probably call me Alan if it's easier.  That's the name you'd know me better by.

J: No, no, it's better that I call you Messenger.  It's the name you've chosen, so it's the name I'm calling you.  After all, Jacob isn't exactly my real name, either.

[A thought occurred to me at this point, so I figured it was worth asking.]

M: Incidentally, what was Caper's name?  You'd probably know, wouldn't you?

J: Theodor VonSterninheimer.  But he told me that that was just an alias.

M: Figures.

J: So, you wanted to talk to me?  You need some coffee before we start?  I'll wait.

M: Yeah...and I'm fine, thanks.  I guess I'll just start by asking to clarify what exactly it is you do in regards to all of...you know, us.

J: Well, it's pretty self-explanatory.  I make monthly deposits to everyone's accounts for food and other expenses.  I also pay rent and do some other organizational things. That reminds me, how are you getting along with that Nee-chan girl?

M: Um...it's okay, I guess.  She's a bit annoying, but I guess I'll live with it.

J: Good, good...I'm thinking I may have made a mistake with Poe.  I was looking for someone dedicated to help her out, but I was hoping that they'd...get along better than they have been.  If it becomes a problem, you wouldn't mind rooming with Screwtape or Poe, would you?

M: I suppose not, no.  Anyway, what exactly is your job.  You know, the one that you actually get paid for.

J: Well, I'm a stockbroker and investment adviser.  Not to boast, but a pretty good one, too.  I can actually afford to live fairly comfortably, even after you've all gotten your paychecks.

M:  Mmhmm...and how exactly did you get involved in all of this?

J: In stockbroking?

M: No, in...you know, this stuff with The Boss.

J: [He laughed here.]  So you believe in him too, huh?

M: ...um...yeah...?

J: I'm sorry, it's just...I've never actually seen him.  I'm really not sure whether or not to believe he actually exists.  All I know is that, one day, some guys showed up at my doorstep.  Ask that I fund that cult you're involved in...no offense, I hope.  I see it as a cult, and I really don't know what else to call it.

M: None taken.  It's a pretty accurate term.

J: Okay, then.  Some of the cultists showed up at my door and asked me to fund some people here.  Said that I'd been chosen for that purpose, and that I'd either have to fund them or "Father and his loyal servants" would come after me.  To be honest, I'm still much more frightened of those "servants" than of any sort of "Father."  I'm almost convinced that there are some higher-ups in the cult spreading their propaganda for their own purposes, and that the whole thing is just a made-up excuse for them to gain some sort of power over something or other.

M: So why not run?  I'm sure that they wouldn't be able to find you if you covered your tracks well enough.

J: Why bother?  From what I've hear, there are quite a few of you cultists who are...well, as forced into it as I am.  I've kept and eye on your blog, so I know that you're doing this for your brother.  And most of the people can't even think for themselves.  They've been forcibly brainwashed somehow.  And you're telling me that I should let people like you try to maintain a regular job in addition to everything else the cult makes you do?

M:  I guess you have a point.  And, um...yeah, the term "cult" is starting to make me feel a bit uncomfortable now.

J: Oh, I'm so sorry.  You should have said something sooner.  The last thing I want to do is offend the people I'm funding.

M: So you're funding us because you want to?

J: Yes and no.  While I didn't exactly volunteer, I'm more than happy to help out.  You guys do need the help, after all.  No sensible person is going to pay anyone to sit around and read blogs, which some of you are required to do.  And to be honest, most of you involved in...all of this seem like decent, reasonable people.  If I don't help out, who will?  [He grinned.]  I guess I get to play philanthropist, don't I?

M: [I smiled in acknowledgement.] We all really appreciate it.  But this doesn't worry you at all?

J: Not too much.  I feel a bit removed from the whole thing.  I don't like to see it as me funding some crazy cult because my life depends on it, just like I know you don't like to see it as me funding some crazy cult.  I like to see myself as a benefactor, helping out some people who really do need the help.  You're a good man, Messenger.  I'm really sorry that you have to be so deeply involved in all of this.

M: [I stood.]  Well, Jacob, thank you for your time.  I really appreciate it.

J: [Standing, shaking my hand.]  Anytime, Messenger.  I'm just happy I can help.

And that's where I stopped recording.  But yeah,  Jacob.  Not what I really expected.  I had no idea that he hadn't even seen The Boss, or didn't even believe in him.  Doesn't seem possible in some ways.  But I guess...good on him.  He seems like a decent enough guy.  He seems like he deserves the ignorance he has about this whole situation.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-