Sunday, April 15, 2012

Everything is falling apart

When I woke up this morning, I checked all the things I normally check online, including the blogs I follow.

This was waiting for me.

I went to check on Annabel and she was just sitting on her bed, completely unresponsive.  She didn't respond to her name.  I tried using Poe's name and she didn't respond to that either.  So I called Zombie.  I brought him in and had him look at her to try to fix whatever was wrong.  And he took a few minutes and then looked at me.  He looked defeated.

Z: I'm sorry, Messenger.  She's gone.

M: What do you mean, "she's gone?"  She's fine.  She's going to recover.  She recovered before, when Screwtape sent us Donovan's head.  This isn't anywhere near as bad as that.

Z: It's not the same thing.  It was a completely different reaction that time.  She showed a lot of signs of an acute stress reaction.  Shock.  This is something different.  I'm not sure what's going on exactly, but I don't think she's coming back from this one.

M: You're a doctor!  You're supposed to know what's happening!

Z: I was studying to be a doctor, yes.  But not a psychiatrist.  I know how to mend bodies, not minds.

M: So you're just going to give up?  Help her!  Help her, dammit!

Z: Messenger--

M: Do something!  Fucking help her!

[I kind of lost my head for a moment.  I grabbed his shirt and jerked him around before he broke free of my grip.]

Z: Messenger!  Listen to me!  I can't do anything!  I've seen what they're like when they're like this.  It's too late for her.  I'm really sorry.  Believe me, I am.  But you're just going to have to accept that she's gone.  [He sighed and shook his head, and in that moment I noticed just how hard this was hitting him as well.]  I'm calling Eddie.  I'm sorry, Messenger.  There's nothing we can do now.

[He gave Eddie a call then.  Sat at the table afterwards, eyes closed, not doing anything.  Thinking, probably.  I sat with Annabel and held her.  She didn't even seem to notice I was there.  She was shaking slightly.  Skin was a little clammy.  All I could think of was how I couldn't lose her.  I still don't think I'll lose her, but I have enough clarity now to admit that I might be in denial.  Anyway, after a while, Eddie showed up.  Zombie let him in and showed him to her room.]

E: I'll take it from here, Messenger.  Go.

M: Eddie...look, I'm sorry....

E: I said go!  This is in my hands now, and I want you out of here.

M: Let me help somehow!

E: You want to help?  Then leave!  This happened because you tried helping!  I told you there would be consequences, Messenger.  And now we're all feeling them.  And Poe?  She's feeling them the hardest.

M: Annabel....

E: She's not Annabel anymore!  She's not even Poe anymore!  Don't you get it, Messenger?  You tampered in places you shouldn't have, and now, the closest thing she'll have to an identity is a designation number.

M: I'll...I'll come by to visit her.  Every day.  Anything to help.

E: No, Messenger, you won't, because you're not welcome anymore.

And he took her.  He took Annabel.  He took Poe.

And now I'm never allowed to see her again.

-Don't Shoot The Messenger-


  1. People can be brought back.

    It's a question of how far you're willing to go.

    How far would you go for Poe?

  2. Read the Epilogue of the Stephen King novel "It".

    Messenger, I don't like you. But it may be exactly what you need. Don't give up.

  3. You are giving him false hope, and you know it. He isn't even allowed near his lovely Annabel, or, oops, shoulda stayed Poe lovely lady! He couldn't help her if he tried. In his words, he's just a hacker. He has no power, no influence, he doesn't have a chance of fixing his mistakes.

    She is BROKEN, and it is all his fucking fault.

    1. It is. It is all entirely, irrevocably his fault.

      But do not underestimate the power of a man who seeks redemption. Or the courage of a man who has nothing left.

      I'm giving him a tool. What he chooses to do with it, IF he has it in him to go that far, is entirely up to him.

    2. Yes, he has a chance. You know what's going to happen? He's going to fuck it up, like he fucked all the other things up. He had so many chances to fix this broken mess. Hell, maybe even Screwtape would be alive right now if Messi had shown some fucking initiative. But no. Now we get to deal with broken people, because he didn't get up and do what he needed to.

      You're trying to help a condemned man. HE IS WALKING HIMSELF TO THE GALLOWS, AND SKIPPING ALONG THE WAY. It has always been this way. I hope Messi proves me wrong, I truly do. Don't get your hopes up.

    3. I don't expect him to get it right.

      But if I don't hold out a last chance for the guy, what kind of sage am I?

    4. At least someone's remembering they're a White Hat these days. Most of you are dead or forgot who you were. Maybe, maybe I won't have to lose respect for you.

      Actually, scratch that. You stood up for your beliefs, even when dealing with a selfish fuck like Messi, and still tried to help him. I commend you for that. Thank you for reminding me that not all people lose their sanity at their worst. Thank you.

  4. Isn't it funny how you all hurt the people you love when you tamper with what you're not supposed to?

  5. I know what you're going through, Mr. Messenger.
    And I know it doesn't help any, and I have no reason to be, and you probably don't want it, but I'm still so sorry for you.

  6. Some things can't be brought back, push to hard and you pay the price.

    See you around