Friday, April 27, 2012

You sicken me.

Weak, self-serving assholes, all of you.  I'm self-serving, yes, but I've always at least served the people I care about, and made no pretenses otherwise.  To the rest of you, I bore no grudge.  It was business, and you just happened to be outside my monkeysphere.  Nothing personal.  I protected my own, but I wasn't about to take the weight of the world on my shoulders, either.

But you.  All of you.  You're vicious beasts masquerading as a group of heroes.  The world has its antiheroes, yes, but they tend to be pricks.  And a world full of antiheroes is a disgusting one.  You know why Robert never found his Hero?  You know, that crazy idealistic man who thought that he was in a fairy tale and that The Boss could be killed if a knight in shining armor swooped in on its charger and saved the day?  Assuming the theory Robert based his own upon was correct, it was actually pretty clever.  But it never would have worked.  Do you know why?

Because you are all scum.  Not a single one of you is a hero.  None of you are genuinely good people.  You're all selfish bastards, weaklings who cower in the corner, know-it-alls who don't know shit, or idiots who refuse to grow up and realize that your life is not some action movie you're starring in.  You're willing to help your friends at the expense of others.  You think that, just because something's trying to kill you, that gives you free reign to stop being a person.  I knew one genuinely good runner.  Donovan may have been a prejudiced ass when it came to my side, but at least he tried to actually care in a way that mattered.  And you know what he did?  He tried playing a hero.  He tried pretending to be a hero instead of actually being one, and it shamed him so much that he couldn't stand to face anyone anymore.  Donovan died long before Screwtape killed him.

Same thing happened to Zero.  He tried pretending to be a hero.  And you know what happened?  He became a fucking villain.  None of you are hero material, and in the end, it's not even going to matter anyway.  Robert's theory was fucking stupid, because this isn't Lord of the Rings.

But back on topic.  None of you are heroes because you're disgusting human beings.  You claim to be the "good guys."  Maybe you are.  But you're not really good.  Look around you.  We're not divided into two sides.  We're not even divided into three.  We're divided into the side I'm on, and a bunch of small little guerrilla factions.  You runners fight among yourselves constantly.  Sure, you might work together at times, but the enemy of your enemy is not automatically your friend.  That's a logical fallacy.

I'm not going to say that we're the good guys.  Because we're not.  Let's face it, we're the side with most (but not all) of the psychopaths, the crazies, the murderers.  You don't have to be crazy to work here, but you will be by the time you retire.  And we're not even one big, happy family.  There's a lot of fighting between us.  I'm pretty sure that I've proved that plenty just on my own blog.  But you know what?  We're stronger than you, because we have a leader, and we don't fucking question his authority.  We have a sense of comradery.  We might hate each other, but we're stuck with each other.  We're a family.  A dysfunctional one, but chances are, we're more likely to target a runner we respect than another proxy that we hate.  When we break that unspoken law, there are consequences.

Who holds you accountable?  No one.  You know nothing about comradery.  You think you do, but you're confusing it with friendship.  You argue with each other, disrespect each other, sell each other out to protect yourselves and your friends.  You're a side divided.

So go on.  Play at being heroes.  See what good it does you.  When it fails, I'll be here to write your name down and put it on my list.



  2. People in glass houses should not throw stones.

  3. A little harsher than I would have put it, but very well said in regards to the sense of comradery

    My cherished Eyes are like an extension of my body. If a part of it is lost, the body just doesn't seem to function the same that it once did thanks to that emptiness.

  4. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm some kind of hero, or that I've declared myself a hero, or something relating to how my heroics will get myself killed.

    Hero, hero, hero, the word stops having meaning the hundredth time you hear it. But let me tell you something I can believe.

    I have seen a demon prince sacrifice everything for the woman he loved. I have seen the mightiest hero of our age fall and become a monster ready to kill everyone and everything in his path. I've raced from Philadelphia to The Desert with the Jersey Devil hot on my tail, and I've ridden the limits of human endurance to pull a child from your "boss" and his hunger. I've met all the murderers and martyrs and monsters, and I've walked through time and space with nothing but my tears and frayed sanity holding me together. Throughout it all, I have been amazed by the kindness and compassion of the men and women I have encountered along the way.

    I've seen your "Good" and your "Evil", and I've done both in my time. Always to protect those who needed it. Always in hopes that I would never have to do it again.

    At the end of the day, I work to make myself obsolete. I would like to ensure that no one ever has to go through what I have. Since my journey in dealing with your boss began, I have not killed or permanently injured anyone involved. And there are many others like me. Many of whom are reading this tripe.

    I don't think I'm the villain, and I know I'm not a hero, but I do know I'm a decent person. And there are a lot of decent people out there who don't deserve the hate your spewing.

    Go talk a walk. Take a deep breath. And watch the world around you.

    Then get over it, and realize: you work for a monster. You live and work with monsters. And not everyone he hunts is a monster.

    Evil wins when good men do nothing. Congratulations. You are this quote incarnate.

    1. Good God, and they call me pretentious. You'd think The Messenger directed this entire post at you. You really have to stop talking about yourself so much. You're not the center pivot of this entire play, darling. Perhaps YOU are the one who needs to watch the world a bit closer.

      Oh, and one other thing...

      "You live and work with monsters."

      I wonder. You and... Ellen work together, do you not? For survival? From what I've heard, she's not exactly an angel dropped from heaven. In fact, I think she's used another term herself...

      I suppose we aren't the only one working amongst "monsters", hm?

    2. I think the word you're looking for is "demon."

    3. She's no monster. As much as she'd like to be sometimes, she's one of the nice ones.

      She'll give me some shit for "undermining" her, but it's the truth.

      In any case Nightscream, I'll admit, I was inspired to greater heights of pretension than I'm used to. You and yours have been making me a little crazier than usual as of late. With any luck, things normalize soon.

    4. She is no less of a "monster" than we are, darling. And you know it right down to your core.

      Trust me, my dearest White Knight... this storm has only just begun.


    5. I see, AmalgamationSage, that you are a special little snowflake. After all, how else could you possibly know The Boss's mind? Can you interpret and understand his motivations? Can you truly say, without a doubt, that because whatever reasoning he has doesn't line up with your personal moral code, that it makes him evil?

      He is responsible for the death of hundreds.

      But then again, so are hurricanes. So are earthquakes. So are tsunamis. So are tornadoes. Would you call those evil?

      Why, then, would you call something evil solely because it's humanoid. For all you or I know, he (and though I say "he," a more appropriate preposition would be "it") is simply a force.

      Is a family evil for moving into the basement when a tornado hits? For boarding up their house to protect themselves from an oncoming hurricane?

      Am I evil for protecting myself?

      Ellen's not exactly an angel, huh? Interesting. However, she does appear to be capable of a level of thought congruent with humanity's. She's understandable.

      So we both work with something some would deem evil.

      Frankly, I'd rather work for the "evil" whose motives are ineffable.

    6. For fuck's sake, Messenger, you can't be mad at people for yelling back when you threw the temper tantrum first. Yeah, Sage is a special snowflake all right, but he has a point about decent people who don't deserve to be the unwilling targets of a completely unwarranted hissy fit. Nobody's calling you evil. Nobody once said anything really negative about you until you started flailing around like a goddamn headless chicken! Frankly it's pissing me off, because I can't stand fucking whiners who constantly have to feel like they're the real victim in this fucking soap opera.

      Whoops, there I go taking this slender stuff "seriously" again. God, with inane, pointless antics like this, who needs reality tv?

    7. Or how about you eat a bag of dicks, Alana, you arrogant, presumptuous bitch. The Messenger has already made it plenty fucking clear that he's not just speaking for himself, but for all the proxies who have to deal with the shit you people incessantly sling at them. He's not getting mad at Sage for shouting back, he's getting mad at Sage for being a pretentious douchebag who thinks he's high enough above us all to look down on other people. Well, guess what, he's not. The day that he can prove that the tall dude is a monster, that's the day that a single word of the shit dribbling from his mouth is worth a damn. But he can't do that, so he can't keep spewing cock on us.

      Now, did you get all that or do I need to break it down into kiddie words for you? I can tell you're narrow-minded, so I can understand if big concepts like common fucking sense have a hard time actually getting past the festering mucus of your brain.

    8. Wow, that was about the most mature, adult response I've ever heard. Here you go, Holiday-kun, you get a gold star sticker! *sticks it on his forehead*

      Get back to me when you learn how to present a rebuttal like an actual human being. Learning how to take some constructive criticism would be nice too. Until then, you're nothing but yet another child throwing a temper tantrum because wah wah Sagey was mean to meeeeee~! Narrow-minded my ass.

      Grow the fuck up, all of you.

    9. Alana, you have a blog any of us can follow?

    10. Nope! I'm just here for the "reality" tv, as it were. ;D

    11. The fact that I got pissy and insulted you doesn't make what I said any less true. You've got an obvious bias against the Messenger and attacked him for saying things he never said and just missed the point completely. Yeah, I told you to eat a bag of dicks. That doesn't change the fact that you are demonstrably wrong. But no, by all means, go ahead referring to everyone who gets annoyed at the asshattery of douchebags like you and Sage as children throwing temper tantrums, even if they are perfectly right in demonstrating the flaws in what you're saying. Because sticking your fingers in your ears, vomiting up a pre-learned manta of denial and refusing to actually engage with what the other side is saying is far less childish than calling someone a bitch.

    12. There we go, now we're speaking like teenagers, if not quite adults. We're close though. There is hope yet!

      1) I never attacked Messenger for anything. I told him to calm his fucking tits and stop lashing out at people who don't deserve it - rather like I told YOU to take a deep breath and speak rationally. No attacks. No bias. Just waiting for everyone to stop being so damn childish over what is essentially internet trolling. You don't like what people say to you? Block them! Easy as that.

      2) The fact that Messenger claimed to be speaking on behalf of those who have been verbally abused by runners (which I sort of doubt, that addendum seemed more like an afterthought to me) does not change the fact that the majority of people who read his blog DO NOT abuse HIM, or anyone else. In every instance I've seen, if there's been abuse, it was a proxy who started it, and this hissy fit of Messi's falls into that pattern completely. Even if he intended this to be directed at a few specific people, all he said is "you", meaning everyone who reads it no matter who they are. He's calling EVERYONE a terrible, disgusting excuse for a human being regardless of if they are, and that pisses me off, because it's not. Fucking. True. I give no shits if Messi wants to ALL CAPS RAEG at someone, but he should probably take care to actually make clear who he's referring to, okay?

      3) (and this last point was a hard one dig out of yet another string of pointless insults, you might wanna grow up just a tiny bit more if you wanna continue this) I have yet to see you demonstrate the flaw in anything I'm saying, because you have yet to actually correctly reference anything I've said. So how can I be sticking my fingers in my ears and insisting I'm right when you have yet to even address anything I've said, let alone prove me even a little bit wrong?

    13. 1) You accused him of throwing a temper tantrum because someone shouted back, when he was actually attacking the substance of what Sage was saying, which was arrogant and presumptuous. If you can't get that through your thick skull, there's little hope for you now or in the future. Not only did the Messenger speak perfectly rationally, he spoke eloquently. He beautifully illustrated the holes in Sage's pretentious little rant and your response was to accuse him of throwing a temper tantrum, completely ignoring the substance of what he said to Sage.

      2) Well, funny, I was able to read the post and comprehend the fact that he was talking about pretentious, arrogant, asshole runners who think they have the moral authority to look down on proxies. So I guess you just need to learn how to read.

      3) I actually pointed out the flaw in what you were saying in my first response to you. You were acting as if Messenger's response to Sage was him throwing a temper tantrum at someone shouting back, when he was actually calling Sage out for being arrogant enough to presume himself capable of fathoming the tall dude's motives. He expressed his objection to what Sage was saying in a perfectly calm and rational manner, you are the one who started accusing him of throwing a tantrum, which is a claim that you, quite frankly, must have pulled from your ass. If you think insulting people is the hallmark of childishness, then you're the one who needs to grow up, not me.

    14. 1) No no no, you're still not listening. I said that the post ITSELF was a temper tantrum, that Sage shouted back, and that Messi pouted about Sage shouting back. Because, no, not a single person, including Messi, has been calm about this whole stupid thing. Except maybe me, but only because I find it sort of funny. 'Cause, again - nothin' but trolls, guys.

      2)Yes, I did comprehend the substance. I simply disagree with it. Thought it was invalid, in fact, as I explained before. Understanding and agreeing are not mutually inclusive.

      3) See point two. Also, I don't necessarily agree with Sage trying to dig out the motives of some imaginary monster. I just happened to disagree with Messenger's unwarranted venom-spouting even more.

      4) Why am I wasting time arguing with you again? The entertainment value is dropping fast if you're still making arguments based on things I didn't even say. Getting bored over here, dude.

    15. Small correction (cuz, hey, I can admit when I'm mistaken): looking at the comments, I would say that Grigori, Steele, Nightscream, Ben, Manic Muse, Raggedy, and Anon have also been calm. Which, I guess, makes up the majority of people here.

      Wonder why you're still so pissy about it, Holiday?

    16. The specific words don't make a difference, the point is that you dismissed what Messenger said out of hand and don't peddle me that bullshit about Messenger pouting back. He didn't for a moment get upset that Sage was responding to him, he calmly poked all the requisite holes in Sage's stupid little rant. And you didn't say anything at all about what Messenger said back to Sage, you gave out about what he said in his post. Sage called the tall dude a monster and called the people that Messenger works with monsters and Messenger rightly pointed out that he has no way of knowing that the tall dude is evil. For all you or anyone else knows, we could be saving the goddamn world. This isn't about whether proxies are on the good side or the bad side, it's about people like Sage who think they're high and mighty enough to decide what shades of grey the world is painted in.

      If you don't agree with Sage's moralising about monsters, then you should have said so. Since you didn't, it shows you have a bias against the Messenger and you're being disingenuous in your comments. You're only attacking Messenger and saying nothing to Sage, even though you say you disagree with both of them to some extent. That's bias.

      And you know what? I'm pissy because I don't like my life and arrogant people like you and Sage just make it worse. At least I'm being upfront about what I'm thinking and saying and why. You're just picking on Messenger because of some misplaced sense of indignation based on the fact that you were too dumb to tell that this post is directed at a specific group of people.

    17. Picking on Messenger? At the moment, the only one I'm picking on is you, because you're too blind to comprehend that I wasn't picking on Messenger in the first place.

      And for fuck's sake, you really are dense. Must I spell it out for you? I. Don't. Give. A. Shit. About anyone in this little soap opera! I think Sage is a little self-righteous, and I think Messi is a little irrational and accusing at the moment, and I think you're a ranting, raving twit. For someone who claims that people can't be pegged into "good guys" and "bad guys", you sure are eager to insist that my own actions can only be looked at in black and white.

    18. If you disagreed with Sage's assertions about moral alignment, then you should have said so at the same time you were calling Messenger irrational. Since you didn't, you showed preference to one side over the other. It's not a matter of black and white, it's about you being fair and you weren't be. I'm not denying that I'm a ranting, raving twit but I'm ranting and raving because I'm sick of living in a world that's so unfairly tilted and I'm especially sick of people like you who are the reason it's so skewed.

    19. I think fewer people are condemning the Messenger for his moral choices, than they are trying to prevent a fate he's been fighting for months. He wanted to run with Poe, he made it very clear he didn't want to live this life unless he had to. That he hated this life. He's heavily hinted his brother was the only thing keeping him working for the Slender Man, preventing him from leaving. Now that his brother is gone.. he stays? It doesn't make sense. It sounds like he wants to wallow in his pain and the 'security ' of his job, rather than do what he himself thinks is right.

    20. Holiday. You are a bad person, and you should feel bad. I am right and you are wrong. There's my moment of limitless immaturity today. I feel it was well spent. Keep in mind that what I ACTUALLY said could be distilled down to: "People are totally awesome. The Slender Man is bad. Quit fooling yourself."

      Alana, I find your balanced and well informed opinion to be pretty neat.

      In any case, I'm an arrogant, judgmental bastard. It comes with the turf. The Messenger wouldn't have put this up if on some level he didn't want someone to bust his chops for being an idiot. Why else would he go to all this trouble? I'm doing what he wants, in a weird, roundabout way.

      In any case, I think we have every right to call it evil. If nothing else, it's a criminal. It runs around murdering whoever it pleases and enslaves the rest. According to human law, it would be tried and executed. Unless it was done by the UN, in which case it would be placed under house arrest for the rest of it's natural days. Whatever it's reasons, the monster defies the law of men, and that of a lot of gods I'm aware of. So, I think I have every right to say it needs to die a horrible death.

      And if man-eating monsters from beyond aren't subject to the law of men OR Gods, then ...well screw that. It's on my shit list. Anything that manages to get on my shit list gets what it deserves.

      Commence the chatting about how much of an arrogant prick I am at your leisure. :P I'm going to get myself a sandwich while you attempt to tell me off over the internet.

    21. Again I ask: would you attribute labels of right or wrong to an earthquake? Is cancer a criminal? Is death evil just because you personify it?

      Why then, are you trying to apply your version of morality to something solely because it has a humanoid shape?

      It is people like you, Sage, that I am speaking to. Do you think that you're some great defender of justice and righteousness? That you're a hero because you've been blessed with the delusions of superpowers? That you're "special" and that's why you get to tell everyone that your version of morality is the correct one?

      You are not special. You're just another fool playing at heroics, hiding behind your own shield of self-righteousness.

      I don't pretend to be right. I don't pretend to be a hero. I don't pretend to be one of the "good guys."

      Why should you?

    22. Wah wah wah. All of you, shut the fuck up, the guy is hurting and you're just proving his point for him.

      Seriously. Go get a life or get laid or something.

  5. It's not signed. Either Messenger didn't actually write this, or he's just losing it.

    1. Oh, wait, there is another possibility. He actually does want to be shot this time. That could be it too.

    2. I suspect "Losing it", to be followed by an entree of "This ain't gonna end well."

  6. Look at all the fucks we give! It's just such an impossibly low number.

  7. here, here, *Raises pint of Beer in agreement*, I won't say anything but agree with this, no doubt you'd find some way to call me a hypocrite.

  8. Well said, Messenger.

    It won't get through to even one of them, but, still, well said.

  9. I agree with everything you just said.

    Except for the word 'disgusting'. None of us are heroes. All of us are human beings. And we are finite, fallible. We make mistakes. We make enemies. We make friends. That's life. We bumble through it with our eyes wide open, yet we see only a slice of the true nature of the world. A page in the greater narrative of things, so to speak. We see what concerns us. That doesn't make us disgusting, it's all we can do. Because it's all we have. Anyone who says differently is compensating for something.

    Heroism isn't seeing the big picture and being able to save the world in one fell stroke. Heroism isn't some fucker killing another fucker to save a third fucker. Heroism is the man who sees a burning building, and runs in to save a stranger without any real concern for his own life. It's endearing, active stupidity, but I suppose that's what's so endearing about it: it's stupid. Nobody with a brain would be a hero, because the brain is particularly intent on preserving itself. The logic-defying nature of heroism is what makes it so often aspired to; it's an act free of self-interest.

    We don't live in a world where that is a viable option. We live in a world where the heroes are dead idiots. We're /called/ Runners for a reason; we see something that gives us the heebie-jeebies, we don't stick around and fight it. We run. It's in our nature, and the fact that there are so many of us and so few heroes just means that in the survival of the fittest, our lifestyle choice just so happens to be the better one.

    Self-interested? Yes, yes we are. We'd be heroic fools to be anything else. And fools die. We save who we can, and find companionship where we can, but in our world, it pays to look out for number one, keep moving, keep our bodies breathing. I'm under no illusions that this makes us a divided minority who, given enough time and effort, will be picked off at will. But when up against Him; it's not a case of divide and conquer. It's unite and be conquered, divide and be conquered slower.

    1. Of course, we're hearing from one of those failed "heroes". So I have to wonder, Leon Steele... how much of what you just so valiantly said was what you actually feel, and how much of that was simply your bark, trying to cover up your bruised and battered ego~?

      Though I suppose I should thank you. You're right. There are no heroes. There are only true villains, and villains by proxy.

      Guess which one you are.



    2. I'm still running. That's a success story, Spence. God knows it took enough effort. My ego is very much intact, but really, I'm prioritizing my body being intact. I've never been a hero, and I make no claims that I am one. You've known me long enough to know that. I'll do whatever I feel will help me in the long run. Occasionally that'll coincide with what'll help everyone in the long run.

      I still have hope for you yet, Spence. Doesn't make me a hero, but it definitely makes me something similar.

    3. By your definition of hero as idiot, yeah, it does. But it's good to know you're still alive, Steele. Maybe my prediction won't come true.

  10. I admit it. As much as I'd like to be one, I'm not a hero. @#!*% , I'm starting to find out that I probably did somethings that I am not proud of. And will admit that I used to view things in black and white until, well, I started reading your blog, along with Poe's and Ember's.

    I know it is impossible for me to be a hero. I'm not the smartest guy around. I'm a bit naive. I do foolish, reckless things and comes up ideas and plans that many would and have called delusional. But @#!*% it all, as I long as know that I have done something good, be it saving someone's life, providing some form of support, being there to share the pain with someone who is hurting, just being a friend, letting them know that somebody is listening, or even simply putting a smile on somebody's face, then that more than enough for me to consider myself a hero in some really small way. And I'm content with that.

    1. We are all motherfucking big boys here, kid. You'll do yourself a fucking favor by stopping to fucking "pretend swear" like you're Beetle fucking Bailey and learn to either type without fucking "swearing" or to just fucking swear without half-assedly censor yourself. It's impossible to take you seriously when you write like that, and it's fucking annoying to boot.

    2. Kind of a long story behind that, but to make it short, I had no idea the censors popped up like that for everyone to see. Got to work a way around that.

      My apologies.

  11. God, we're doing this again... >.<; I'm getting nearly sick of talk of heroes myself.
    There are indeed only two factions in this mess, but you're not completely correct about what they are. There's the monster... and then there are VICTIMS. No other categories apply.

    1. fac·tion/ˈfakSHən/ Noun: A small, organized, dissenting group within a larger one, esp. in politics.

      I suppose you meant sides, unless you're calling all of us monsters... Though I do appreciate the gesture if that was not your intended case.

    2. Fughasdkfj I AM NOT A DICTIONARY! *headdesk*

      Fine, "sides," lets go with that. >.<;;

  12. guess even you guys on the other side get mindnumbing stress. Does me good just thinking about it.