I've done some thinking after Kyle's death. I know that this is a crucial time. Kyle was basically my only reason for being here. All the people I care about who need me here? They're all dead. Gone.
I really have no reason to be here.
And I know what you're wondering. You're wondering what I'm going to do now that my only reasons for being here have vanished. Honestly, if I wanted to, I could take off and go on the run right this second.
But I'm staying.
I know. Maybe not what you expected. But I've been evaluating my options the past few days. Kyle's gone. Maybe the car crash was just an accident. Maybe The Boss went back on his word and he's fully responsible for it. But in the end, it doesn't really matter. Kyle's dead, and the choice I make won't bring him back. It's my choice, and his death shouldn't have an impact on it.
I'm involved with The Boss now, whether I like it or not. I could run, yes. But where would that get me? I've said from day one that the position I'm in is safer. Am I a selfish bastard because of it? Maybe. But nothing's stopping you from making the same choice.
I could run. I could try to escape him. I could take my chances. Maybe I'd be running into the open arms of a welcoming family of bloggers. But you know what? I don't want that. To be perfectly honest, I don't much care for any of you. I'm in this for me, not for you. I can shoulder my own burden. I don't want you to shoulder it for me, because I know that you'd expect the same of me. I don't want any of you dragging me down. I don't want that obligation. I don't want to have to shelter you and risk you bringing The Boss to my doorstep. I don't want to donate funds or equipment to someone who might end up dying tomorrow. And I sure as hell don't want charity from you.
So that's the answer. That's my decision. I'm staying.
-Don't Shoot The Messenger-